[SheHulk07]

I feel like I battle sui thoughts constantly, and never really know or admit to know if I'm at a dangerous point with the thoughts. At my last session with my T, he told me that thinking about SUI is safer than actually doing anything to hurt myself. Which I understand that part, but I feel like I'm in the gray area of that. I tried explaining it to my T during that session but didn't fully explain where I'm at.

Possible trigger:

I've looked up methods and have a plan, but not an immediate intent on doing it.

I'm afraid of admitting to my pdoc on Monday where I'm at because he threatens the hospital at every visit. I was also just recently hospitalized at the beginning of December for 10 days (7 days on the medical floor and 3 days at a psych hospital). In the last year I've been hospitalized in the psych hospital 3 different times for severe SH that's been impulsive and once for being septic from SH. I've been able to be mostly honest with my T about my thoughts, but fear he'll terminate if I keep discussing these thoughts. I'm also unsure of when to reach out to T about it between sessions even though he tells me it's okay for me to call.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I've made 2 major attempts of my own in the past. So I know at least a thing or two about what you're dealing with. In my case, both of my major attempts were spur-of-the-moment decisions. Had someone asked me, the night before, if I was in danger I'd have said no & been sincere about it. But I got up each of those mornings, decided I'd had enough, & I was going to do something about. So I did.

I don't know how typical that is of people who struggle with suicidal thoughts in general. Maybe it's something that is more-or-less unique to me. But it's something I always think about when I read a post here on PC written by a member who is struggling with suicidal thoughts. The thing is, like you, although I wouldn't have thought I was in immediate danger, I did have the means to do what I did. And having the means does put one significantly closer to the possibility of taking action. So I think that is something one has to take into account.

You mentioned your pdoc threatening the hospital at every appointment. If you're plagued with thoughts of suicide, you have a plan, & the means to carry it out, perhaps the hospital is an appropriate (if not desirable) option? I can't say that my own hospitalizations were anything to write home about, so to speak. But at least they kept me safe at a time when I was not able to do so for myself. Plus, after one of my hospitalizations, I attended a partial hospital program. And that was helpful.

Here are links to 3 articles, from PC's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help if you're not already familiar with them:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

How Suicidal Thoughts Can Become a Coping Mechanism

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Please take care.

[Twitch99]

My opinions are often not welcomed by the general population. So take it with a grain of salt.
Having been in a mental hospital once by choice, once forced there, & once ran from the police to avoid going back I can say with confidence that if you don't want to go back don't talk about suicide. It doesn't matter how much it bothers you. 99.9% of Ts out there don't know how to treat people that have suicidal thoughts.
If you don't mind going back to a mental hospital then by all means be completely open and honest with your T.

[Fuzzybear]

[SheHulk07]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

My opinions are often not welcomed by the general population. So take it with a grain of salt.
Having been in a mental hospital once by choice, once forced there, & once ran from the police to avoid going back I can say with confidence that if you don't want to go back don't talk about suicide. It doesn't matter how much it bothers you. 99.9% of Ts out there don't know how to treat people that have suicidal thoughts.
If you don't mind going back to a mental hospital then by all means be completely open and honest with your T.

Thankfully my T has been good with talking about my thoughts. It's my psychiatrist that I'm more concerned about being completely opened and honest about. At my first visit with him and another provider (joint session), they called EMS on me to have me taken to the hospital for an evaluation because of self harm. I saw him today and told him I'm still having thoughts but he didnt ask details so I left it be.