Done with life.

I am done with life.

I am done living.

My life has given me good things, but it's kicked me around and ****ed me over far more. I have been through trauma, poverty, multiple episodes of depression, trichotillomania (hair-pulling disorder), I've gone without friends multiple times, and at this point I don't know how much more I can take.

I am done with the world. Life has proven itself miserable, unfair, and deaf to the cries and sufferings of the people living it. I know that sounds super emo and pessimistic, but right now that's how I feel about everything.

I've got a few things going for me- I have a job (a stressful one, but a job), I've got a friend at school whom I adore, and I'm speaking to a therapist. But apart from those things it's just miserable and depressing. I have tried to have hope that the future will work out, that things will get better. I will find a boyfriend, get a career I love, be financially comfortable, and be a happy, productive member of society who belongs. But my life has proven time and time again that that's not gonna happen, sorry.

It's as if the universe is saying, "**** you, you stupid piece of ****. You want what, happiness? Nope, not today. Here are 10 new problems." and just when I think those 10 problems are solved, I get 10 more, like clockwork.

I feel like I could snap at any moment and end it.

Right now, call someone whether you want to or not.
The universe doesn't talk like that, it is indifferent but open to all without judgement
Snap, but don't break, let it out and exhaust yourself.
And, really, there is no rush.

Good post

I'm grateful for those in this world who genuinely try to support others even with all the triggers, rules, and other that makes life quite deplorable at times

I suppose what keeps me going is I want to find out what happens for better or worse. If I go, I'll never know.

@Bookworm257, theses are the negative thoughts of depression talking, don’t let them win. Call your therapist, a trusted friend, or relative. Do you have a safety plan in place for times like theses when you feel very low and if yes please use the tips on your safety plan. Take care.

The others are right. It is depression talking. Please call your therapist or a hotline. I've felt the way you do, but things got better for me, and they can for you too.

I agree with downandlonely, this is definitely the depression doing the talking. Self-talk is always super-negative and hopeless when I am in my depressed place. Don't give up. Just keep going. Sleep when you need to. Do what you can. Try not to judge yourself. Critical self-talk has actually been shown to be damaging to the brain. Try to catch it when you can and correct it, if at all possible.

Please don't do it, @Bookworm257! I COMPLETELY AGREE with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters. You deserve to Live! I know Life can get overwhelming, but trust me when I say that you are stronger than you Believe. You CAN do this! You just need to take things one step at the time, that's all. Please stay safe, my Friend. If things are getting worse, call an Hotline or check yourself to the nearest Hospital. Hopefully they'll be able to help! It is REALLY good that you're seeing a Therapist and that you have Friends so please also consider reaching out to them before things get worse, ok?! You deserve to Live happily like EVERYONE ELSE! You are important and your Life matters A LOT! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Bookworm257, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I feel the same way. I understand how you feel. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain right now. It will pass on it own time. :

I am so very, very sorry you are suffering, Bookworm. It is heartbreaking.

Others here have posted things and I really don't have anything better to offer. I am worried for your safety. Please do not do anything to harm yourself. It would be so, so sad and tragic if you were lost!

I notice that you live in the United States. The US of A has a National Suicide Prevention Helpline. I just did an internet search and the telephone number is 800-273-8255. Please call this number or go to a hospital emergency department if you are in danger of ending your life. I would not want to see anything bad happen to you!

-- Yaowen

Hang in there, bookworm! We care.