[Twitch99]

I am currently in a residential program that is not working for me. I came in to save my marriage, but this is just one more example of why I am beyond help. If someone had a magic wand that could sprinkle fairy dust then yeah being it on. I don't know why I even bother trying any more. I should just go ahead & work up the courage to do what I should have done so long ago.

[Skeezyks]

I'm so sorry you feel so... uh... defeated? Is that an appropriate term? I do understand what you're feeling though. Of course, I'm old & that makes a difference. But I've been fighting my battles for so many years. I've finally just given up trying to make it better. And I've tried doing "what I should have done so long ago" a couple of times (without success obviously.) Anyway... I hope that, in your case, you might yet find a pouch of that fairy dust with your name on it out there somewhere. Please take care...

[bpcyclist]

Good for you for showing willingness to get help, but why are you doing it for your partner? What about doing it for you? Don't you matter? Aren't you important? The answer is that, of course you are.

How long have you been there? Have you made any med shifts lately?

Sending you strength and support. Don't give up. It will turn around for you. ending your life is not a solution to what ails you, it will only make the situation much, much worse.

Prayers and love.

[Twitch99]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Good for you for showing willingness to get help, but why are you doing it for your partner? What about doing it for you? Don't you matter? Aren't you important? The answer is that, of course you are.

How long have you been there? Have you made any med shifts lately?

Sending you strength and support. Don't give up. It will turn around for you. ending your life is not a solution to what ails you, it will only make the situation much, much worse.

Prayers and love.

I'm doing it for my wife because it is do this or lose my marriage. If I lost my marriage then I would have no reason to continue to live.

What about doing it for you? Don't you matter? Aren't you important?

No I don't matter. I'm not important. I am as important as that piece of crap you step on then spend the next several minutes trying to scrape off the bottom of your shoe.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

I'm doing it for my wife because it is do this or lose my marriage. If I lost my marriage then I would have no reason to continue to live.

No I don't matter. I'm not important. I am as important as that piece of crap you step on then spend the next several minutes trying to scrape off the bottom of your shoe.

I am sorry. I do not fully understand your perception of self. Re the ''crap''....Is this truly your ''reality''?

Is there a way this could shift, just a little? Or some of the time?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

I'm doing it for my wife because it is do this or lose my marriage. If I lost my marriage then I would have no reason to continue to live.

No I don't matter. I'm not important. I am as important as that piece of crap you step on then spend the next several minutes trying to scrape off the bottom of your shoe.

Well, Twitch, speaking as a survivor of 2 very serious attempts, I can tell you that your brain is playing tricks on you. You are not thinking clearly, due to the fog of your depression. It robs us of accurate data processing. Basically, badasss depression tries to convince us that we are unworthy and of no value. Its goal is to kill us. Do not let that happen. It is a biological disease of your brain, it is not you, it is not your identity, it is not who you are as a person. You are a wonderful human being, warts and all--just like everyone else. You hve no less value than any otehr living being, we are all preciosu. You, very much included.

In my experience having tried it, getting well for a partner is not often the best strategy. It devalues you and places all value on that relationship, which is a thinking error. You have tremendous intrinsic value, completely independent of her. I am sure she is fantastic, but she is not a requirement for you to be of value or have a life worth living. Thinking that is a thinking error.

What is your current med situation? Have you made any recent moves?

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with this post.

Twitch99, I am sad that you are still feeling this way. I am hopeful that you will find relief from this bad *** depression.. and that you will realise that Everyone is Worthwhile...

And, indeed, precious.

Much love to all

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, Twitch, speaking as a survivor of 2 very serious attempts, I can tell you that your brain is playing tricks on you. You are not thinking clearly, due to the fog of your depression. It robs us of accurate data processing. Basically, badasss depression tries to convince us that we are unworthy and of no value. Its goal is to kill us. Do not let that happen. It is a biological disease of your brain, it is not you, it is not your identity, it is not who you are as a person. You are a wonderful human being, warts and all--just like everyone else. You hve no less value than any otehr living being, we are all preciosu. You, very much included.

In my experience having tried it, getting well for a partner is not often the best strategy. It devalues you and places all value on that relationship, which is a thinking error. You have tremendous intrinsic value, completely independent of her. I am sure she is fantastic, but she is not a requirement for you to be of value or have a life worth living. Thinking that is a thinking error.

What is your current med situation? Have you made any recent moves?