[Nymphalidae]

I just need someone to listen... I don't have any true friends. I get "involved" with men who are wholly inappropriate for me, the type who are all too happy to take advantage of needy women like myself, because I'm desperate for attention. I need to be in counseling, I need to be on medication, but I'm so afraid. And I'm so exhausted...every time I think about my life, or my problems, I feel every ounce of energy drain from my body and it all seems so hopeless. I've never really fit in, I've never been good at socializing, at making friends, and now I'm all alone. My past therapists have gotten exasperated with me because I don't talk, and I just can't, I've tried. I get so emotional and all I can do is cry...I don't trust easily, having to confide these very intimate details of my mind is like torture to me. I have a hard time feeling comfortable with people. I've spent so much time alone, I get jumpy and anxious even when I'm spending time with my mother. I feel so dull and uninteresting and worthless. I try to be compassionate with myself but it feels artificial...I don't feel like I deserve love. I try not to, but I really hate myself. It's this terrible paradox because I hate myself for not wanting better, for not taking better care of myself, but I don't feel like I deserve better! I don't know how to get out of this place and it's making me crazy

[nowheretorun]

hi Nym ...

just change the names and you just wrote a description of how ive felt before... i can really identify with you...

its hard... when i was feeling so badly like that, i felt so disconnected and didnt know how to connect with what i needed so much...

finding PC helped so much... People care here and want you to feel better.... i do... have faith and believe... you cant have what you dont think is possible...

join in as you feel comfortable... feel how you feel... PC is a safety net in so many ways....

Hope you'll feel better soon....

[stefano]

You remind me of a girl I met in a depression support forum (not this one). She has you same issues... nto being able to open and socialize, loathing herself to the extreme...
We have been chatting and she said she wouldn't talk to me over the phone as she could not speak word. Now she lost internet connection at home so I called... You know what? She could talk to me. That is because we had shared so many emotions in chat. So I suggest that you meet people in chat, it is a great way to interact because it is absolutely SAFE. You can fully open yourself and only bring the relationship to real life if you seem to find the right person.

The best of luck!

[Doh2007]

Hi. We're listening. We care very much. Please try not to accept those thoughts of self hate. That's the illness talking and it's a huge liar. Though you don't feel it, there is hope.