[Seraph]

Ok, so I'm really happy, and I just wanted to tell someone.

I've been depressed many times over the years, and I've refused to get help. Yeah, I know, that was stupid of me. I figured I could "treat" it on my own. And I did....to an extent. I learned to stop the depressive thoughts. However, I was still apathetic about everything, and I had no energy whatsoever. In a sense, I was depressed without depressive thoughts.

So, I came to the conclusion that no amount of therapy could remedy the hypersomnia, fatigue, and apathy. I realized that the problem really was biological (I have a family history too). I finally told my GP. I figured the doc would prescribe sertraline. The doctor actually recommended Celexa, but after we had a long chat, she switched it to Bupropion HCL, 300mg. (A brilliant choice considering SSRIs cause fatigue, and NDRIs actually boost energy.)

SInce then, I've seen so many positive things happen:
- I have the energy to actually do things (i.e. cooking, exercise)
- I'm no longer dependent on Caffeine
- My video game addiction stopped (apparently this is a common symptom of male depression)
- I actually smile every now and then
- I sleep 7-8 hours instead of 11-13
- I don't feel like a complete wreck anymore
- I'm not totally anti-social anymore

I guess I just feel "normal" again. More than anything, I'm happy that I actually decided to take care of myself. Plus, I'm glad I found a doctor that I can actually discuss medications with. (Instead of the typical 'throw everything at the wall and see what sticks' approach) It's really a relief considering that the depression was starting to really mess up my life.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones that found quick relief, and I'm not ashamed of the medication either (I thought I would be). It's actually made me realize that the depression was probably beyond my control. After all, should someone suffering from diabetes-mellitus feel ashamed for taking insulin? I guess I see it as more of a tool for treatment than a crutch to lean on.

Ok, that's my rant, and here's the moral:
If you think you're depressed, get treatment. There's no shame in using modern medicine to help you feel good. You deserve to be happy. (It took me 4 years to realize that)

[Cyran0]

Good for you Seraph!

Cyran0

[dragonphoto]

Seraph,

I know exactlly where you are coming from it has taken me almost ten years to get the help I needed and the loss of my family almost. Once I hit rock bottom and was forced to get help things started to turn around for me. The thing I was worried about was the thought of seeming weak. Like I said once I was forced to confront my problem I started to see that the anger and frustration that I felt was coming from the depression. Like you I have a history of depression and I think that some of the people close to me in my family are the same way yet they fail to recognize it. You are right it is an illness and something that does need to be treated with the proper medication. When I thought that something was going on with me before I went and saw a PDOC and she tried telling me that I was ADHD, however I knew this was wrong and she wanted to put me on the drugs for that. This would have been gross negligance on her part if she had and I had an even worse reaction. So having a doc that is willing to talk to you about your meds and what they are doing for you is great. I am very happy myself now even though I am separated from my family, I still get sad because I don't get to see my wife and kids, but not like before. Anytime you want to PM please feel free.

Dragon

[kebsfroggy]

I'm so glad things have worked out for the positive.

[haunted]

I'm so happy for you Seraph. I have also "dealt" with depression all of my life and have even tried meds and therapy a couple of time.s. I thought it was all a bunch of %#@&#!. I have pushed and pulled myself in every direction to fight back the dark thoughts, lethargy, apathy,anger and now the frustration of it all has beat me down. I am finally seeing a dr. on 12/11. Counting down the days with high hopes that something, anything will make me feel better.
Congrats!

[Seraph]

Haunted, hopefully it goes well for you! Sometimes you have to try a few different types of therapy and meds, but it's worth it. Just stick with it!

[wickedwings]

god, i would die to get that kind of relief. seriously. i would just die for that. 15 years of that. and more? damn.

[stefano]

Good to hear that somebody succeeds. Let us know on future developments.

The best of luck

[Seraph]

UPDATE:

Ok, I think I spoke too soon

I've been on the full dose of Bupropion for almost two weeks now (after being titrated up over a month).

Now, I've got a hand tremor and too much energy. I'm constantly fidgeting, so I suppose nobody will notice the tremor. Other than that, I feel like my old self is back. It's pretty problematic, but personally, I'll take the tremor if I had to choose it over the depression.

I have a DX appointment on Friday. Maybe this will wear off, or maybe the doctor can switch me to a lower dose.

Anyone have similar experiences?

[dragonphoto]

Trust me it will wear off I had a problem clinching my teeth for about a month I thought I was going to lose it. It took me about two full months for the meds to kick in. Stick in there things will be ok I noticed the fidgeting too, but I always did that just a little more. I also noticed tremors in my lips as well.

[Seraph]

Ok, now life is just toying with me.

After two months of taking Bupropion and one month of feeling "normal," most of my symptoms are coming back. I'm pretty sure the medicine is wearing off or something.

I'm sleeping 11+ hours a day and waking up tired again. It's a struggle just to get out of bed and take the Bupropion. It gives me some energy, but I still spend most of my time each day lying on the couch. Every little thing annoys me, and I'm supersensitive to criticism again. I've stopped hanging out with my friends again, and I have a bunch of angry voice messages on my phone because I haven't returned any phone calls in over a week. I'm still not as bad as I was two months ago, but I'm worried I will be. I can't even read because I fall asleep.

Plus, I feel really unstable. I can switch from depressed to normal to elated and back in a matter of minutes if something triggers it. That's never happened to me before. I'm usually either depressed or not. I don't typically switch.

I'm wondering if this will pass like the tremors and hyperactivity did. Has anyone had a similar experience?

If it gets much worse, I think I'm going to go back in and talk to my doctor.

[Cyran0]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Seraph said:
I think I'm going to go back in and talk to my doctor.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Sounds like it might be time for that. Good luck.

Cyran0

[Doh2007]

I agree with Cyran0. You sound depressed. Your pdoc can give you a tune up.

[Seraph]

So, I guess I'm a little disappointed (and scared?). Over the past 5 years, I've become pretty convinced that I'm bipolar to some degree. I definitely go through distinct periods of depression and elation with little environmental influence. (I am "normal" at least 60% of the time though)

I'm an insomniac. I started a business on a whim. Many people believe I have ADHD due to hyperactivity, but I just go through phases. My depressions are not really triggered by anything, and they begin slowly over months. I can be incredibly hostile, grandiose, and narcissistic. Plus, I have atypical depressions (extremely common in bipolar depression). I never knew what mania was, but the first time I experienced it, I described it to my friends as the opposite of depression. (They knew I had been depressed) Little did I know...

I really was hoping antidepressants would help take care of the problem. I've tried every self-help method under the sun, and it's mostly ineffective. I'm starting to come to the conclusions that I may have to admit to having something more serious to truly feel better. (Admitting to depression is easy for me, but the idea of telling anyone I may be bipolar scares me. I don't exactly like the idea of being certifiably "crazy")

I purposely avoided the subject when I initially talked to my doctor. (I know, shame on me) I thought maybe I was just being a hypochondriac of sorts. If I were to be diagnosed bipolar, it would certainly mess up my life goals. But, if I don't get help, I'll probably screw it up on my own. I've already screwed my life up pretty bad in the past six months. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Ugh, I'm frustrated and now I guess I just need to vent.