Warmup problem - familiar to anyone?

I skimmed my earlier posts in this thread. Well, gonna respond to my own old post to show progress.




Those triggers are a thing of the past. I've got the anger under control, it's back to nearly normal anger. Same for upset etc. This is the result of a few years of work of course but yeah I've got some big steps forward with that. Now my world is stable, grounded. There can still be bad, negative emotions, negativity coming from other people but it's also normalised a lot, even if not fully (re-)calibrated yet.

So that part is fine, I would not have to worry about this part if I tried to go this outpatient programme at that hospital, as long as they allow me to do my own thing, i.e. do work in the hospital in the outpatient setting. While others do their own stuff like drawing or literature stuff, idk the things they do in these programmes. It's the kind of thing we have in these intensive outpatient programmes here. (There is no therapy with it, so by "intensive" I just mean the time investment, it's several hours a day every weekday.)



The issue with the accommodation for the disability issue, it's something I either can get lucky with or not. Or I can try and figure out how to get their cooperation more effectively. Problem is, people showed so many bad reactions in the past (them not being educated about my issue, I don't know, but it's usually psychologists that react bad, the average human in the street deals with it way better LOL weird enough) that it became its own trigger.... And now maybe I can control rage, and not be vulnerable to an actual trigger overall, but it means I can still be at risk for losing the flexibility/adaptability in thinking, in problem solving. That would mean I may have a blank mind, may not find a solution on the spot. Eh.

I've made steps to try and talk to people with the same disability though. I've contacted several people in the last few weeks. Maybe I can get tips from them.



Yeah, I still don't know what's a quality enough interaction emotionally. But it's okay because if I just enjoy the activity or whatever's done together, that's already enough for me (as far as, it providing a good positive atmosphere for processing without pain/extra negativity). As long as I'm not seeking a close relationship (close friendship or whatever). And I am not. For now, no no


Yeah. I survived it

Try having to be at work at 6 and 5 in the morning lol. I know someone who says they need alone time in the morning before they start their day. Sounds like similar issues.

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Thanks for the input. Hm yeah alone time, this is interesting. I don't know how long your friend needs alone time? What does he/she do specifically during that time?


Lol and yeah getting up early....back in high school it had me burn out pretty bad lol, I hated getting up early and then I just couldn't anymore because other issues made everything worse

OK. I know how to not overcomplicate it now when I try to put it into words. All websites etc that list things for treatment of depression also list social support. That's what I don't have IRL (or very little, from family sometimes) and yeah, well, that would help me lift the mood, so then I would have less of a warm up problem.

So how do you get regular social support IRL if all of your IRL "friends" left because they didn't want to deal with you/be there for you in hard times?

Suggestions?!

I only had the chance to read this now. We can talk about it, but I don't think I can add anything more. I hope you already found something that works.

OK. I'm trying to find options yeah.

I've thought about it actually and I do have a couple of specific questions to you, if you are able to answer those.

- What did your mom do to help you when you lived with her for 6 months dealing with your depression?

I am asking because that's incredibly similar to what I've been doing. Temporarily living with my mother and her husband, while dealing with depression and freelancing.

So do you remember what things she did for you that helped?

- How did you manage your overall mood in those 6 months other than the medication?

I understand you don't know how you got through it but if you remember any specific tips, notes, that helped the most, I'd be really interested.

- I can see how it's a different situation from mine with you getting that teaching job because you were directly working with people. So I'm not going to ask about that part.

My mom simply took care of me. You know, cooking for me, chatting about some things, and watching movies with me. She just made me feel safe and calm. She always checked on me if I was eating, and from time to time, she would ask me to go to the grocery with her. Sometimes I would go, but sometimes I'd stay in bed. I always felt that I had to go though because she was taking care of me and that was the only way I could help out. I guess that in turn helped me get out of and catch some sun.

I just gave myself some time to rest. I came from doing stressful jobs and the pressure of training abroad. I slept a lot and I didn't force myself to do anything. There were days I would overthink things and cry, but it became less and less as days went by. My dog was also always with me. She helped me a lot. I'd talk to her when I was down and it always seemed to me that she was actually listening. Remembering my dog now makes me cry. I had to let her go 2 years ago because she was so sick.

Anyway, when my friends heard about me coming back, they visited me and tried to cheered me up. My sister also came every week. She'd stay overnight on Fridays and they'd encourage me to go out and walk around the neighborhood. I remember they brought me to the beach one time because they knew that was my favorite place. We didn't actually discuss anything about my depression. They just let me have my space and let me do what I wanted.

I didn't do anything special like exercise or meditation. I heard that works for some people. The main reason I woke up every day and tried my best to recover is that I didn't want to see my family and my friends worry about me. I kept on thinking about my failures, but I always had the thought that I have to take responsibility for all of those things. I'd talk to my dog when I felt this way and she'd sit by my side. She was my non-judgmental therapist. I guess it really helps when someone listens.

That's all I remember.

Hey, thank you for your detailed response on this. How did you get into chatting and watching movies with your mother? Was it like, your idea or hers?

I believe you when you say your dog must have been listening to you. I'd like a cat, lol. (Not possible for reasons atm)

Anyway...yeah your situation is kinda different because you didn't have a need to earn a living, and your friends were/are probably real friends.

I do have a sister too but she has 4 kids and is barely coping. And lives ~50km away. But the kids are the bigger problem ("problem")

PS: How much of your improvement in your well-being over the 6 months do you attribute to the medication?

Sure. I'm just so slow these days. I need more and more sleep every day. I'm kind of struggling with work.
Anyway, it was my mom's idea to talk more and watch movies, since she doesn't want me to stay in bed all day.
Having a pet is really great, but it's heartbreaking when they go.

I can't say for sure how much, but meds definitely helped a lot. Lamictal was really scary at the beginning because of the rashes. It went away eventually, but I was so stressed out when I started. It's much better than Lithium since it gave me tremors and caused hair loss. Seroquel helped me sleep better. Without it, I'd stay in bed and wake up every now and then. But there were bad things such as dullness when I'm awake. It could be the depression or a side effect of Seroquel. I'm not sure which is which.

Oh sorry to hear that. Don't worry about being slow. I hope you'll figure out what makes it harder rightnow. I thought it was a good sign that you needed less warmup in the morning, i.e. you've been adjusting to the situation and the load/stress, even if slowly. But if the adjustment is slow, then it is a challenging situation, and then any new added stress could tip over the balance, if anything changed recently for you.

Your mother sounds like she cares a lot.



Thanks for the detailed descriptions on the experiences with medication.

I read antipsychotics do that, making one into a "zombie" lol, I assume they mean the dullness, I don't know, I have no personal experience with it. Tbh if it meant I was able to function doing my tasks I would take that side effect for a while/for as long as I think it's needed.

When did you first start noticing an effect of the medication? Like, in a few weeks?

Thanks. I haven't figured it out yet, though.

Usually, when I take new meds it takes around 3-4 weeks before I notice any difference. Seroquel was a bit easier to notice since I could sleep easier.


How's your warm up problem?

@mssweatypalms Sorry I was away for a while. Thanks for asking & for the info. It's a bit better, it takes time for it to resolve of course, but I've worked on it more Hope you figured out your stress too in the meantime!

Welcome back! I'm glad you're making progress. I thought I figured out what was causing my issue because last week was better. However, it's like I'm back to square one now.

Sorry to hear that. What did you think was causing the issue if you want to say?

I've figured out some things that are making me anxious and depressed.

1. Pressure from my other job
I greeted my client on his birthday and he suddenly asked me if I got the vaccine already. I haven't been vaccinated since we don't have enough vaccines, even though I already registered through my city's system. He told me to hurry up and get it so we can work on new projects. It means I have to go out, but I still don't want to since the number of cases is still high. I'm really scared of getting COVID since I don't have a health insurance and I have to shoulder all the expenses if I get hospitalized.

2. My parents' house
I'm working on the construction/renovation of my parents' house. It's just a lot of work and I'm overwhelmed.

3. Feeling like there's no one to talk to
I can talk to people here at least. My friends actually checked up on me today. However, I miss the talks I had with the guy I was always texting before. I cut ties with him because I wanted to stop my obsession. I feel alone now, but I have to endure this feeling.

Oh yeah these make sense....I'm sorry about the 3rd one especially. I also don't really have many people to talk to. But I agree sometimes it's just about enduring this for a while. I try to remind myself it's temporary. Hopefully for you too. Is it possible to relax a bit about 2nd? With you having to deal with all that it does seem a lot.

PS: Vaccine stuff may be off topic on this forum but I do think it's like.....contradictory at best, having to risk a bit when getting to travel to get vaccinated...I think if I were you I'd just try and calm down the client a bit with how he has to wait a little more

Thanks. At least here, I feel like there are many people I can relate to, and somehow it gives me some relief. I'm also trying to find time to relax in the middle of doing all of these things. I'm gonna take a nap after typing this.

I forgot to add a 4th one: weight gain. Because of all the work, I barely have time for exercise and I stress-eat as well. I'm looking for healthier recipes to make, so I won't continue gaining a lot.

As for the vaccine, that's actually my worry. There's usually a line of people at vaccination centers and I feel like there are many people there with COVID there. Instead of getting protection from the vaccine, I'm exposed to higher risks of getting sick.

Oh by relaxing I meant doing less at the construction site if it really exhausts you like that.



Right, good luck there.


Hm well this one seems like a practical issue. Either your client can wait a little more, and you go only when there are fewer people trying to get the vaccine, with the vaccines being very easily available, or find some other workaround instead of waiting, like... get information on when/where you can go and get the vaccine without having to be around a lot of other people indoors. Or maybe somewhere they are mostly waiting outdoors, which makes the risk nearly non-existent. Etc. These were just a few quick ideas. It just feels like to me, with this one, being solutions focused could help your worrying.

Thanks for the ideas.


Unfortunately, I live in a third world country, so as for the vaccine, it's impossible.

Oh well you still have the option of dressing up in a ridiculously safe way lol. A mask with very good protection, the best possible if you want, and also dressing up accordingly. And you can be like, if you go in and have to wait in that long line, you can ask the person next to you to keep your place in the queue and you then can go outside and only check back in from time to time to see how much more you have to wait before it's your turn to receive the vaccine. You can also check if there is possibility of ensuring ventilation (e.g. opening at least two windows/doors in the right positions). There is a calculator online too about how you can ensure maximal protection and how long the protection may last, I can find the link for it.