Confessions of little turtle with love #6

I suppose. A lot of people say love without meaning it though...

Holding my Leo's paw during a panic attack
https://mysupportforums.org/picture....ictureid=67892

My Tiger playing with his toy fish - Album on Imgur

4 m.o. kittens- Teddy, Smokey and Dora - Album on Imgur
The kittens
They are going to get their first vaccine next week

Simba, my dwarf cat,...he is so loving - Album on Imgur
Their love makes me still want to go on

today is going to be a valium day for me...
i feel awful...i need to see my psychiatrist..

(((little turtle)))
Hope you are feeling better now.
Much love

little turtle

Tiger in a playful mood - Album on Imgur
Love, hugs and respect to all on the as is bus

I was feeling very hopeless and anxious about the future and very restless too. So I took 1mg ativan to calm me down somewhat. Didn't dare to take the full 2mg in case it knocks me out immediately bc I have some chores to do for the cats and kittens. The poor things are dependent on me for their food and a clean litter box.
Help me God.
Love, hugs and respect to all on the as is bus.

My female cat Daisy is going to be spayed tomorrow afternoon India time 1pm. I am a little anxious. Hope everything goes well.

My kitty Daisy got spayed finally. There were 5 tiny embryos in her womb...all dead....the vet's assistant showed me. Poor things. She was mad at me after she regained consciousness. Bit me and scratched me and kept yelling at me. She's going to have to take some antibiotic and painkiller shots for the next few days. You know I love her so very much. They are all I got.

Was in a lot of physical pain today. Was forced to take several painkillers bc I was unable to tolerate the pain. Plus the oxygen in my brain must have dropped again bc I was feeling exhausted and drowsy and doing any little thing required a lot of effort.
Hope tonight goes well.
Love and respect to all on the as is bus.

Mimi, do you have access to an inexpensive pulse oximeter?

Rohag what if the oxygen in my blood is ok but the oxygen in my brain is low? Something known as cerebral hypoxia. The pulse oximeter wont be able to measure the amount of oxygen in my brain.

You are correct. I was hoping there was an easy way to begin a process of elimination to figure out the problem.

In the absence of careful medical observation, we're on our own. (And, regrettably, even if we have doctors, we can also be on our own. )

Yes Rohag, thanks. I could not express myself clearly y'day as I was sick. Sorry if I were rude. I am very highly strung these days and snap at people. Maybe I have PTSD from the continuous trauma I face every moment. I definitely should have been more polite. Sorry again.

I do have a pulse oximeter at home and I use it from time to time. The oxygen level in the blood and tissues of my body is perfect - over 95%. But I still feel lightheaded, dizzy, drowsy and exhausted all the time. Sometimes I feel I'm going to collapse and pass out.

And yes, even if we have doctors, we can also be on our own. Like fuzzy I have severe reactions to some psych meds like rash, swelling of the body and others but my pdoc still tells me to take the AP at his recommended dosage which of course I don't. If I did I would be stuck in the ER for ever.

And changing pdocs haven't helped. They are all the same.

Love and respect to all on the as is bus

I feel very sad. I fear I may be stuck in India forever with all the physical and mental pains and illnesses. God please give me the strength to accept this and go on....for the sake of my cats if not for anything else.

Love and respect to all on the as is bus.

Several generations ago, my ancestors, for a variety of reasons, decided to pick up and leave a place where they had deep roots. In doing so, they exchanged one set of challenges for another. But, they found a relatively safer future. I enjoy -- to the extent my conditions allow -- the fruits of their struggles.

Unfortunately, whereas my ancestors relocated as a family group drawing on one another's strengths, it seems you are alone (?).

Might you be able to mentally and emotionally "relocate" while remaining physically where you are?

Rohag yes I am alone.
I don't think I'll be able to dissociate if that is what it is called.
I was in usa as a kid and young adult...so I have some memories...I just cherish those memories from time to time.

Also I don't want to run away from reality, that's very dangerous. Right now I have problems accepting my reality but one day inspite of all my mental and physical illnesses and pains I will have to learn to accept it however hard that may be.
Life is not always very fair for everybody.

Love and respect to all on the as is bus.