[Rose76]

I had planned to travel far across the country to visit my sisters after the pandemic simmered down. I hadn't seen them for a long time because I was caring for my dying boyfriend. He's gone now. When airfares get more reasonable, I feel free to travel. (I've gotten fully vaccinated.) Lately, I've gotten concerned about how this trip is likely to go.

One of my sisters gets kind of moody when she drinks. Two nights ago, I phoned her, and we didn't talk as long as usual. I sensed she had probably had a few glasses of wine. She seemed a bit distant. Last year, when I traveled back with my boyfriend's body - for his funeral - I stayed with her. The second night I was there, she got drinking and became kind of obnoxious and belligerent. I left and got a hotel room. I'm still kind of shocked that she would become hostile toward me, given that I was freshly bereaved. We reconciled and she became very sweet.

For a year now she has encouraged me to come back again and stay with her for a visit. For all these months I've looked forward to doing that. Now I'm asking myself, "Am I crazy?" I don't want what happened last year to happen again. I tell myself that she and I probably both learned something from that bad incident. But she's blown up at me a number of times over the years. Then she is often quite remorseful and we go back to being affectionate friends. Often we both apologize.

For days now I've been worrying about this trip I planned, and I'm getting really depressed. I also have another sister a few hundred miles from the sister I just described. I would be staying with her for a bit also. She's a much more stable person, but we're not exactly all that close. (We seldom talk on the phone. She prefers texting, which I think is a little odd.) Over the years she used to be kind of judgemental toward me. Specifically, she has criticized my struggles with depression, telling me I just let myself get depressed. Years ago I stopped ever mentioning my problems with depression to her.

So that's my dilemma. What I spent a year looking forward to now seems like I'm taking an emotional risk going back there to visit. I'm getting very disheartened. It so happens that, right now, I'm in the midst of a depressive episode. I don't report my episodes to either of them.

I don't know what advice anyone can give me. Any feedback is welcome. I'm starting to cry now just thinking about all of this.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry for your Loss! Hope you're recovering! i think i understand what you mean. i am not sure if i have much advice to give but perhaps being open to them abut this and that you want things to go smoothly. Hopefully they won't get offended and they will understand what you mean. i think it is important to communicate any problems you may have since they are your Family, samethign for your Friends. So Sorry you have to deal with this. i Hope things will improve really soon for everyone. i Apologize if this post wasn't really Helpful. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Rose76, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[East17]

As much as you want to see your sister, it's not worth getting stressed over because you won't enjoy it.

Couldn't you go to visit but stay in a hotel from the start, that way if your sister does get too much, you'll be able to get away?

If she wants to know why (not that you have to give an explanation), just say that you think it would be easier for both of you to have your own space.

I hope you find a solution that works for you.

Sent from my TA-1012 using Tapatalk

[Rose76]

I cannot afford to stay in a hotel.

My plan was to go in the fall. That's a few months away. I've time to think.

[Rose76]

I feel sick all over. Today was a miserable day. I even called a crisis line to talk with someone. I haven't done that in a long time.

I hardley ate anything today. I feel depressed and anxious. I feel physically sore, weak and tired.

I made an appointment to see my PCP next week, who I get along with pretty well. The clinic I go to has a psychiatrist. I went to him in the past for Ritalin. I didn't like him. I haven't seen him in a gear. I wish I could see a better pdoc, but psych services where I go are pretty crappy.

I don't know what to do.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by East17

As much as you want to see your sister, it's not worth getting stressed over because you won't enjoy it.

Couldn't you go to visit but stay in a hotel from the start, that way if your sister does get too much, you'll be able to get away?

If she wants to know why (not that you have to give an explanation), just say that you think it would be easier for both of you to have your own space.

I hope you find a solution that works for you.

Sent from my TA-1012 using Tapatalk

Actually, I used to do that quite often. I liked a motel that was located right on a beach. My S.O. and I would stay there. I'ld rent a car and pop in and out to visit people, as I pleased. That was ideal. This year I really can't afford to get a car and a motel room. It's just me, and both sisters have plenty of room. The whole point of my visit would be to give me a break from being alone . . . which I am, now that my guy is gone.

They'll have the best of intentions. So will I. Somehow, though, things can suddenly go sideways. We love each other. Alcohol can be a problem at one house. You can't depend on the behavior of someone who's prone to over-drinking. I define that as drinking to the point that one becomes belligerent. At the other home is a brother-in-law who isn't thrilled to have company. He's reasonably cordial, but we've not much in common.

Well, that's 3 months from now. I have to deal with right now, which is a challenge. I got more depressed over the past week than I've been in months.

I need to shop for groceries this eve. I don't know, if I can get out of my apartment. Maybe getting out would help me. I think I'll try.

[Rose76]

I just called a crisis line. I only took up 7 minutes of time because I'm not in any big deal crisis. The counselor was a guy and was pretty nice.

I feel like I can't even make it to the store. So I just sit here on the couch feeling a lot of sorrow. I guess I'm disappointed that I don't feel I can call either of my sisters.

I don't feel anywhere's near as bad as this time last year. That extreme grief lifted last fall. Thank God for that. Mainly what's wrong now is I just vegetate. My legs feel weak when I try to do any housework. Since Monday I've felt unwell physically. So my apartment is messed up. I hate being in the middle of disorder.