dreary day

I DID A VERY STUPID THING ON WED. I BOUGHT LUNCH FOR EVERYONE AND THEN WENT BY A FLEA MARKET AND FOUND A COUCH FOR MY SON'S FAMILY. I FIRST CALLED THEM AND TOLD THEM THE PRICE AND TO MAKE SURE THEY WOULD PAY ME BACK. I EVEN FOUND A COUPLE OF THINGS FOR MYSELF. IT WAS SUCH A HIGH THAT I FELT SO GIDDY AND LIKE I WAS FLOATING ON A CLOUD. THEN DARKNESS CAME AND I STARTED FEELING GUILTY AND AFRAID. I CAN HARDLY PAY MY BILLS AND NOW THE MONEY IS GONE AND I START TO CRY. IT LIKE WHEN I EAT A WHOLE BAG OF COOKIES AND I GET REAL GUILTY. THE SAME FEELING! I AM SO TIRED OF NOT BE ABLE TO SHOP FOR MYSELF OR OTHERS. I HAVEN'T BEEN SHOPPING FOREVER. I DIDN'T EVEN BUY CHRISTMAS GIFTS WHICH WAS OK W/MY FAMILY BUT NOT FOR ME. I KNOW I WAS ON A MANIC HIGH. I NEED FOR SOMEONE TO BE W/ME WHEN I GET LIKE THIS BUT NO ONE IN MY FAMILY UNDERSTANDS SO I END UP PAYING THE CONSEQUENCES. I CAN'T CHANGE IT NOW. ANY ADVICE GUYS?<font color="blue"> </font> <font color="blue"> </font>

i've done the same thing many times. and honestly i can't give any "real' advice. but i can tell you what helped me. i found something that i truely like to do and doesn;t cost anything. and when i feel like being impulsive and saying screw it i'm gonna go buy things that i can't afford i work out or ride my bike. it doesn't cost me anything to go runnaing or hit the trails for a few hours. even when i don't have time to get a good workout in i'll just do some pushups and sit ups. just to get my blood flowing. it helps me with a lot of diff situations. if i'm sad or upset. if i'm irritated or annoyed. and science has said that it releases endorphins that help self esteem and help to balance hormone levels. i went so far as to become a personal trainer. though i don;t officially train anymore i still find myself giving guidance and motivation to people who don't really know what they're doing. its amazing to actually see a change in someone. hope this helps. if you have any workout ?'s feel free to ask. maybe i can help you get a routine down.

Your son did say he'd pay back? Plan that money now, what you'll pay with it, when it will be paid, etc. It can be good that you found them what they need?

When I got married, I wasn't "allowed" (stepmother) to do much of anything and my stepsister bought an entire rack of dresses for my bridesmaids, so she'd be sure she got enough of the right sizes. Then she took the ones we didn't need back and collected money from my bridesmaids, etc.

It was good you asked to make sure your son's family could pay you back. Maybe this week approach the lunch eaters and tell them you're "short" could they buy for you "this" time? There's give and take in life. It does feel good to give, and doesn't sound like you're doing too bad with it. Sounds like you're learning?

think ive replayed the guilty over self indulgence song my whole life... even when the indulgence was one meal out or, the example you gave, a bag of cookies...

every year for christmas it was juggle and budget... push a few bills back.. try to find breathing room, then, Feb would come, and the credit card bills were due... geez... talk about sick of a cycle...

its tuff everywhere they say... ive moved to lower budget economies, but the pay slides right down and stays even with the cost of living...

this has always been one of the demons ive fought... its poverty... thats what it is... i thought it only happened in other countries when i was a kid... even when i first started out and thats where i was, i didnt recognize it as being poor... just a temporary situation i thought...

as ive gotten older and played the game and entered into the higher paying fields, i found that more money didnt make me happier either..

now i have a simple job with good people and work only two days a week... i'm not rich by any means, but ive been fortunate in ways...

not everyone is as lucky as i am, so if i were someone else i would have to think about higher education... either that or land a job with real growth potential... but ive gotta tell you... my depressed mind never fit that world..

use coupons, shop sales, thrift shop if you can... substitute name brand for store brand.. buddie shop and divide the goods later (some things are cheaper in quantity) ...

barter if you can... find someone who cuts hair, offer to iron for her/him, etc... craigslist.org has barter and exchange categories in your area maybe, not to mention free items...

i know its depressing... i comforted myself with the idea that the best things in life are free...