[LittleEarthquakes]

I am feeling increasingly agitated and bored. I am basically in the process of moving but there's a storm coming of course so we have to wait until the weather calms down. I have been depressed since I was 12. Every day. Does anyone else deal with chronic depression instead of episodic?

My psychiatrist tells me Xanax can cause or worsen depression and I'm beginning to wonder if I haven't gotten better because it's made me more depressed. It doesn't seem like it has, but I guess it's a possibility to consider. I have tried so many things. Therapy, medications, even Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation for supposed Treatment Resistant Depression, but is it really? Nothing has helped much.

I deal with crippling anhedonia - lack of pleasure from anything - and everything just feels pointless. On top of that I complicate it with drinking alcohol, not enough to get intoxicated, but enough that it probably impacts my mood too. I don't need to be told that stopping would benefit me because I know. But I could really use someone to listen to me. Before I tried medication or had begun self medicating, I was already this depressed. But I remember that I was at least interested in music. Now, it's mostly just noise... I do little things like wash the dishes or exercise for 5 minutes which gives me a tiny bit of a dopamine release but it doesn't last long.

I lack true meaning in my life, unable to hold a job due to my agoraphobia and social anxiety and depression. I have a husband who is wonderful but I feel like it's a struggle to maintain passion as we have settled into comfort if that makes sense. Basically I was raised to believe that I am helpless and the world is overwhelming, but I don't want to go into that in any detail. If you have read this far, thanks so much. Like I said, just need to talk and be heard, not looking necessarily for advice or a lecture but feel free to give me any tips you have. I would really appreciate it if anyone could relate. Thank you for being here.

[childofchaos831]

I can relate... absolutely. The chronic depression, anhedonia, agoraphobia... music just being noise rather than enjoyable now. My video games even aren't enjoyable like they had been. And they weren't really that much fun before, they were more time passing devices. I used to journal all the time and I can't even seem to get into that as much right now. It's like the days just come and go, on and on, because that's what is supposed to happen.

[MickeyCheeky]

i am So Sorry that things are being so hard for you. please do not give up. You are not helpless, i think everyone can improve their own Lives. i am here if you need to talk. Hopefully others as well. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @LittleEarthquakes, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones. Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Fuzzybear]

I'm listening (no advice)