[the_disordered_one]

I've never been to a party I didn't want to leave.

Over the last few days, plans have been laid for my brother's wedding and all its associated (sigh) festivities. My father is going to the stag do in Hamburg (I said the Reeperbahn was a district of dubious repute, but that's probably why they're going) and my mother and sister are going to the hen night at The Birdcage in Manchester.

I've not been invited anywhere.

Except, of course, to the wedding itself where, it is implied, I will disappoint people if I don't turn up.

My misadventures at parties are well known in the family, from the times I sat in the car at my mother's cousins' parties to the time I left very early during my parents' Silver Wedding because it was too crowded and noisy. My alternative way of coping, should easy escape not be possible, is to drink too much. My chocolate throwing antics at my grandparents' on Boxing Day 1991 are particularly famous.

I am damned for not enjoying myself, or being enjoyable, or not trying hard enough at either. And when I try, I am damned for getting it wrong. To be quite frank, the way I'm treated by my family, I have doubts they know the difference between 'mentally ill' and 'mentally retarded', such is the patronising way they deal with me.

If certain assurances are not made for me, I'm not going.

'Disappointments' or not.

[Doh2007]

You sound like an interesting and complicated person. I find parties exhausting also. And I really hate trying to live up to other people's expectations. So what do you enjoy?

[AAAAA]

the_disordered_one,

I can relate to what you're saying. I don't even like parties that I have to put on (children graduating from high school). I do not like crowds or noise, even when it's people that I love.

I have found that lorazapam helps a great deal. I won't go so far as saying that I'm now the girl about town or that I enjoy myself, but it helps me deal with the panic attacks and endure the things that I have to. I'm also much easier to take on the lorazapam . I tend not to be very good company in the midst of a panic attack. I cannot tell you how many functions that we've had to leave early, or my husband bring me home then go back and stay with the kids because I just couldn't bare it another second.

[the_disordered_one]

I prefer quietly talking with two or three other people (not one - I feel like I have to constantly perform). Once it gets more than that, I start to retreat.

In these situations, I've been accused of 'not making the effort' and how others are offended by my 'lack of sociability'. I'm sorry, but if I had not made any 'effort' I would have stayed at home, well away from their endless expectations. They don't know how much 'effort' it takes out of me just to be there.

Is it any wonder I stay home these days?

[AAAAA]

I happen to be fortunate/unfortunate in the fact that several members of my family also suffer from these things and it's all the norm.

I'm normally not a pill pusher believe me, but I'm telling you there are meds out there that will do wonders. If you're worried about addiction, Effexor as an antidepressant will help with the anxiety a bit. There really is a tolerable life out there!

[kabluie]

To the rear, march! Retreat ...

I share your pain on parties and social events, and especially on family's response to my "anti socialness." My wife's family is loud (they are nice people, but there are a lot of them, and they are loud). I can take a little but not a lot; I usually find a quiet corner or even another room to escape to.

My wife tries to get me "out" to social events all the time, even though she knows how uncomfortable I am. She thinks she is doing me a favor, but that attitude just reinforces my feeling that I really am "off" or less than normal for not "getting" the whole social biz.

We usually agree on a minimum time I have to stay ... before the room starts spinning and the conversation becomes a tangled buzz-whine (it is almost tangible). I find taking my anxiety med (clonazepam) helps a lot and staves off out-and-out panic attacks, but it doesn't make the events "enjoyable." I don't think anything ever will -- why can't people (some in my family) just accept that and not try to "fix" me?

<sigh>

````````````````````````````````````````