[franny1]

This is my first time posting in a depression forum. In fact I don't do much on line period. Actually I don't do much period. 13 months ago I entered a level of depressive hell that I have not been able to escape. I have always dealt with depression and anxiety and other stuff. But I had been managing. In December of 2006 I was a full time student worked as a Program Director 50 plus hours at a shelter for homeless teens, worked out every day, attended various dance classes and had an active social life. Today I am lucky if I can get out of bed. In the 13 months between that time, I have not paid bills, not taken care of physical health issues, lost contact with the freinds that I did have moved three times was technically homeless once, and spent time in psychiatric hospital. Life itself was not being kind, a beautician gave me a chemical burn and took out a patch of my hair, someone went into my account and stole at least 3 grand from me, my laptop was stolen, dropped out of two semesters of school because I could not do the work and was involved in a car accident. Prior to 13 months ago. I left a 20 year marriage that was very emotionally abusive. I also left the church we attended for 10 years because my supports in the church felt that I should stay in the marriage despite what he had done. I also left our home and neighbors who were freinds but also felt that I should have stayed. I went back to school, then found a job that eventually promoted me to the Program Director position. Along the way I met a man and began a very intense relationship, he has been supportive of me, but I don't think he is my best support system. He now seems a bit unstable himself. I have tons more going on including bad relationships with family, debt to everyone in the world, a divorce that I don't have the energy or money for, and just the inability to decide from one moment to the next what I should do to dig my self out of the mess that I am in right now financially, emotionally mentally spiritually socially ---totally.
I look forward to engaging in community with you all. I have read through your posts and I think you all understand what I am going through.

[Cyran0]

fran, welcome to PC. You have so much going on that I'm sure looking at it all seems soul crushing. But you're trying to get help and that's the essential first step. It takes strength and you just proved you have that.

I don't have much by way of advice at the moment but I look forward to getting to know you.

You can do this.

Cyran0

[Doh2007]

I'm glad you're here.

[franny1]

thanks. I try and tell myself that I can do this. But from moment to moment I don't know what "this" is. I can't believe that I am the same person that used to run an entire agency while going to school full time. I look for things to motivate me, but i can't anything right now. I will keep posting and drwing strength through your words and kindness.

Welcome to PC franny.... sorry you are struggling right now. I hope you are able to draw strength from our words of friendship and encouragement. It can be comforting to know you are not alone. Everyone here understands what you are going through and knows the importance of support.

We are here recovering together.... welcome.......

[stefano]

Hey, you'd better not buy a lottery ticket right now
No, no, just kidding! Sorry, I have HCD (humoristic compulsive disorder )
Well, if your were searching for a place with caring and friendly people, this is the right one.

Welcome!

[franny1]

truly a laugh out loud. thanks.

[Gwydion]

Hi, Franny!

It's just a little thing that sometimes works for me, but I'm happy to share.....

In my most 'down' times, if I can just move my thinking from 'why me?' to a more satirical 'my, what a long, strange trip is has been' I get one tiny step removed from the issues and for me at least, less personal means a little less active pain.

I do know that reaching out to others who understand does help the process of making it day to day, so you're certainly in the right place!
(((Hugs))) to you,
Gwydion

[_Hope_]

[mrsmoggles]

franny!! welcome to PC...i am proud of you. i know that may not mean much, but i too left an abusive ex and that was the hardest thing in the world...an interim pastor at my church advised me to go back to him, but i held my ground...that is a HUGE accomplishment and one of these days you wake up and realize that what you did is going to shape who you become...you can go either way at the fork in the road...your next decision will be to come out of the shell you used to protect yourself and having a new start or to go the dark path till you are ready to see you are worth living for...and remember, you have friends the world over now!!!! now that's a LOT of support at your fingertips!!!! Hang in there!!!And you dnt have to try and do everything all at once, that is paralyzing...start small...you can do it!! huggles hun, melanie

[CedarS]

Welcome. We do understand.

You are on a heroic quest and it sounds like all the monsters landed on you at once. When I've been in a position like that it helped me to figure out how to be really good to myself. And to let things be very simple because that was all I had energy for.

[franny1]

i have definitely crawled into a shell. I think I am worse now than when i first wrote my initial statements. I have never encountered anything like this. To say this is debilitating is an understatement. I am going to lose it all soon. I have already lost my family friends and social life my job my home much of my health i just have no will to keep fighting, every breath is labored and every action is a burden. My pschy doc just tells me that i have to come out of this and then ups my medication. The medication is not helping. I really don't know what to do.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((franny1))))

I hope a gentle hug is okay. Welcome to PC. You took your first big step posting. That in and of itself was a big step and showed great strength. Sometimes it is in the little things that we can bring ourself to do that is of greatness.

I understand so much of what you were saying. I know the feeling of feeling so down and not worth anything but believe me you are. I know how owing everyone money, bills not being able to get payed, seems like everything breaks down, and no family. Until I came to PC I had no friends or family either. PC has become my home. There are so many wonderful, caring people that really understand and care.

I moved to get away from situations also and it was the best thing for me. Please know that you are not alone that we are here for you and we care. I know you do not know me but I hope to get to know you more. We are here to uphold and support one-another as we walk to feeling better, sharing, or giving back what we have received.

Again, I welcome you to PC. Thank you for sharing and the courage it took to reach out. You took the first step of many.

cami

[sarahlilianne]

Welcome among us franny, I'm sure you will find solace here; every one is so understanding and willing to help as much as we can . I'm looking forward to get to know you better.