Worst time of my life

I tried this kind of coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, it didn't have much effect on me. It' not that it is a bad idea, but you know how it goes. Some things work for someone and don't work for someone else.

One point to add. I start to have no expectations because if I have any (I mean any realistic ones), things go a completely different way.

I do understand you. I only wanted to give you another idea.
You already told me that your therapy didn’t work.

You know, I think the majority of artists have a very hard time with ordinary life.
Ever seen the movie “Living Las Vegas”. Reading your posts made me remind that movie. It seems as some people never find a place in day-to-day life. The world is small for them.
What do you think about that? Am I getting close?

@AzulOscuro, it certainly didn't. Just to give you better perspective. I have been trying various types of therapy, but I haven't found anything what would work.

I don't know if I would consider myself an artist. Of course, music is part of my personality, but I never wanted to make a living out of it. Still, yes, I am kind of a creative person in my free time. Sometimes I also write rhymes (many about what I'm about to write next), but since you've read my other posts, you may have found out that there are some complications too.
Actually, I haven't seen the movie. I'm not sure if the world is small, but I have troubles finding a place for me. To be honest, I don't know how it feels to belong. I have never felt like I do and it was not like I just told myslef that I don't. I was alienated in every group I was in.

I understand. For me, at the beginning I was also alienated in my group of peers. Then, I alienated myself, what it was even worse for my social skills.
I guess that they didn’t like me. Or maybe I didn’t know to adapt myself to them. I’m not sure.

The feeling of belonging is so important. I totally understand your unease. But, it helps you nothing.

In my case I didn't have to think they didn't like me. They clearly showed me, sometimes even told me. I'm sure it's not me who is alienating myself.
In my elementary school, I really was an outsider. The last year there was awful. In my high school, I also was, but we were class of very intelligent people so they could hide it well, but in the end, most of the time, I knew I wasn't part of the class. And my university (and especially my faculty) doesn't organize many social events, if any...

I know it may not help much, but I really have no one to turn to. There is no one to pick me up when I fall. And sometimes, you can't do that on your own, no matter how determined you are...

Today, my next semester started. And my worries about my hand were well-founded. I struggle to write. Also, I think working on computer is getting more unpleasant. And since I study IT, these are two most important things...

Yes, you already began. I wish all the luck of this world.
Jak, can’t you record the lectures? What does IT stand for, Jak?

I know maybe I’m gonna sounds stupid or silly but do you dare to ask for help to someone there? Maybe, (s)he can become friends. Maybe, you can make a pact. Helping him or her with something this person finds more difficult and you are good at. I know, I saw too many movies. I’m very naive for real life.

At least, you can express yourself here and vent and get angry and I doubt anyone is gonna judge you.

I’m sorry so much that you are finding so many troubles.

IT stands for information technologies. More specifically, I study programming and app development. Lectures are not mandatory and people don't really take notes because the lectures are about listening to the lecturer to get the meaning of what is in the materials.
Well, I don't want to say you're naive, but I don't think that functions in real life. I try to get to know people around me, but you know, everyone is focused on their studies or have their group of friends from the past there.

But concerning my hand, I feel it mostly at maths and that is the subject where I need to practise no matter if I am good at that, and that is done by writing down equations. If someone would hand me over theirs, I wouldn't learn from that. Also, there is the complication that it is unacceptable to help each other with assignments. In other words, yes, we can discuss it to some extend, but I have to work on my own.

To be honest, sometimes venting doesn't help. I write mostly because I search for understanding and possible pieces of advice for my situation.

You're right, in past few months, I've been through a lot. I can say that the summer break was awful. Not only this year, but this one was the worst...