[3rd rock]

Is there any end to the pain? Like the actual, palpable pain. Not a metaphor. The physical sensation of the pain.

[Discombobulated]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

While I was in the hospital on the psychiatric ward, I told the psychiatrist about the novel I'm writing. And she vaguely approved of it, however she cautioned me, because she said often people who are depressed or otherwise mentally ill write about stories and characters that reflect their mental illness and she doesn't think it's a good idea to wallow in it like that. I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of what she said. It's true the main character of my novel is somewhat depressed and severely anxious socially, and his family life resembles mine when I was a teenager. But you know, I have to write what I know. I can't write anything else. And my writing is the only thing that gives my any hope for the future. So I have to continue to write this.

I still have not gotten into treatment. It'll probably be another couple of weeks or so. I'll have to contact my NP to g et prescriptions soon.

Yet the writer Matt Haig has written some brilliant successful fiction inspired by his own experience of anxiety and depression. So many of us have got validation and insight from reading them.

[Rose76]

Tired. Still in bed. Depressed.

[will19]

So far, today was better than yesterday and Tuesday. I was busy being out-and-about this morning. I got all I needed. I'll be pretty busy in the next few days - mostly during the mornings.

Nothing much this afternoon. I feel pretty good for accomplishing things in the mornings but then I feel let down with not much going on in the afternoons.

[3rd rock]

I booked an intake date for residential treatment today. They told me on the phone they do allow cell phone possession, but not other electronics like tablets. I bought my tablet specifically so I could continue to write during spare time while undergoing treatment, but now I won't be able to do that. It is possible to write on my phone, using the Microsoft Word app for Android, but it's less efficient due to the much smaller screen. Still, I suppose I'll have to make do. My objective is to get a minimum of 60,000 words towards the first draft by the time I enter treatment, and then complete the remaining ~16,000 words while undergoing treatment. I should be able to do this. Then I'll start on rewrites after getting out of treatment.

I'm feeling very apprehensive about treatment. They said you have to give samples for drug tests on arrival. That's nothing really to worry about, however I did test positive for fentanyl once in a recent test even though I have never used fentanyl in my life. The nurse who administered the test said it was a false positive, and that those can occur from time to time. I'm also feeling very depressed right now, and I'm trying to focus on my writing so as to keep my thoughts occupied. As long as I can do that, I can keep the worst and most dangerous thoughts keep at bay.