[Calla lily12]

I'm sad, but don't really know why. Its all encompassing. I was writing some poetry and that set it off. All the memories and regrets came rushing back to me. I'm afraid of losing people even if there's no reason to worry.
I'm thinking the answer, for me, is to help others, somehow. I need to feel needed.

[3rd rock]

I've hit a bit of a roadblock with this chapter. I started it three days ago and I set a self-imposed deadline of today. But it's likely to take another two days. I've set a revised goal of 50,000 words before I enter residential treatment, which should happen over the next 2-3 weeks. I'm at nearly 30,000 words, and with little else to do during the days I should be able to reach it.

Until then, I'm very sad every now and then. It comes on randomly and it strikes very hard. I feel so alone. I crave emotional intimacy and real relationships, but I am incapable of achieving them. It has been a very long time since I was in anything that remotely resembled a relationship or had any friends. I am hopelessly inadequate compared to everyone around me; what they seem to manage so effortlessly is impossible for me. Everyone else seems to be able to scale the tallest mountains with ease, while I'm all but completely incapable of walking up a gently-sloped hill. And there's no way this is ever going to change.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

Snip: I feel so alone. I crave emotional intimacy and real relationships, but I am incapable of achieving them. It has been a very long time since I was in anything that remotely resembled a relationship or had any friends..

I’ve been feeling this way too. I just have one person who’s close but is 1,000 miles from me in another state. There’s emails but it’s not the same. I have the personality type that craves emotional connection but I continually get people who aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle or want these connections. As I get older I can only hope it won’t always be this way. No one will even check on me, even neighbors. And I recently discovered someone telling me “if I ever need anything to let her know” was just lip service. I was devastated for days.

It’s the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night sometimes. I feel so vulnerable and the more I try not to think about it, the more I think about it.



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Sent from my iPhone

[will19]

Yesterday morning I felt depressed when I first got out of bed. But then I felt better when fixing breakfast. But while I was fixing breakfast I picked up something from the floor to throw away and then my lower back hurt. That sunk my mood way down. The back pain remained for the rest of the day and night.

This morning the pain is still there but not as bad. I'm still having it late this afternoon but I think it could get better by tomorrow.

I cleaned, this morning, despite having the back pain. I felt depressed in the afternoon. Someone, this afternoon I spoke to, reminded me that I don't do much with my life - like trying new things. It made me feel bad talking about it. I don't know why people have to be insensitive. When having depression, I don't feel like trying new things. Besides, I have tried new things and it all didn't work out.