Originally Posted by nonightowl

Last weekend there was a local festival they have each year around this time. I’ve never been to it. It’s usually too hot but not this year. But now that I’m older I can’t stand crowds of that size. Some stuff might be fun but I have no one to go with. Plus it reminds me of my youth when I did stuff like that all the time….with others. It reminds me of my losses I guess.

———
Sent from my iPhone

That's how I feel. A carnival or some kind of festival. When I was much younger I had people to go with for those kind of things. Not anymore; and it hasn't been like that in decades. And then I'm painfully reminded when I see others and they are paired up. I think that I will never experience being with others and having great times ever again.

[nonightowl]

Will, given that we have similar personalities and experiences with “friends”, would you try this friendship mixer thing I mentioned above? I never tried speed dating but know you talk to someone maybe 2 minutes and go to the next table. They didn’t give enough information on stuff which is typical but I did find out there’s 25 people on the waiting list from last time. I don’t know if I want to talk to the woman in charge because she’s such an airhead.

And yesterday at this senior center my exercise class did something different for the first few minutes. Another member was showing line dances and I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t expect that and it brought back memories again of what I lost. I used to go line dancing with friends at country western clubs and such and it was fun. So I was thinking what is this crap, let’s get back to the usual routine. I do get tired of it but at least it doesn’t bring up reminders of losses. It seems the instructor was tied up for a bit so I guess it was to fill the gap.



———
Sent from my iPhone

Originally Posted by nonightowl

Will, given that we have similar personalities and experiences with “friends”, would you try this friendship mixer thing I mentioned above? I never tried speed dating but know you talk to someone maybe 2 minutes and go to the next table. They didn’t give enough information on stuff which is typical but I did find out there’s 25 people on the waiting list from last time. I don’t know if I want to talk to the woman in charge because she’s such an airhead.
———
Sent from my iPhone

Thank you for asking me. In the first place I feel like I'm a real "stick-in-the-mud" about going out to socialize or meet new people. I had done it for so long and always ended up disappointed. These days I prefer to not to bother with those things. But that's just me!

I take it that this is a "speed dating" kind of format for making friends. I'm I correct? I'm not much on giving advice or suggestions, but if that's what this is, then I'd say "go for it" if you feel comfortable with those at the Senior's Center. But if you're set on going and then you chicken out at the last second, then that's OK. I've done that before.

One time, around ten years ago, I went to speed dating and this was for "mating up". It was the first time I went and the last time. It was a disaster. What happened was, when it started, there were more men than women. So, whoever put it together, he got women from the bar to participate. They were drunk and not really looking anyways. I imagine they were paid to participate.

As far as dating (or mating up) personally I feel like it's not the best format to meet someone. But if it's just a "friendship" thing, then that might be OK providing that it is what's expected. I hope I answered your question. If not, then feel free to ask more.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

Thank you for asking me. In the first place I feel like I'm a real "stick-in-the-mud" about going out to socialize or meet new people. I had done it for so long and always ended up disappointed. These days I prefer to not to bother with those things. But that's just me!

I take it that this is a "speed dating" kind of format for making friends. I'm I correct? I'm not much on giving advice or suggestions, but if that's what this is, then I'd say "go for it" if you feel comfortable with those at the Senior's Center. But if you're set on going and then you chicken out at the last second, then that's OK. I've done that before.

One time, around ten years ago, I went to speed dating and this was for "mating up". It was the first time I went and the last time. It was a disaster. What happened was, when it started, there were more men than women. So, whoever put it together, he got women from the bar to participate. They were drunk and not really looking anyways. I imagine they were paid to participate.

As far as dating (or mating up) personally I feel like it's not the best format to meet someone. But if it's just a "friendship" thing, then that might be OK providing that it is what's expected. I hope I answered your question. If not, then feel free to ask more.

Yes of course. We have similar experiences with people. That answers my question for now.

They say it’s for friends yet in that speed dating format. There’s people there that I definitely don’t want to talk to or see and I don’t know if they will participate. There’s especially this man who won’t stop harassing me. I don’t know if they pair women with just women but men are okay as friends. Just not him. I have to wait for this stupid holiday to end before I can ask for more information from that woman. Since I’m skeptical I feel that “vibe” will be picked up on…….

Sorry to hear about that speed dating thing. I agree it’s not a good way to meet people and being drunk isn’t helpful at all. I can’t believe they did that. Thanks for saying it’s okay if I chicken out lol.

On the subject of memories this little girl in my building brings back bad memories of when I was her age. And this is exacerbated by what I found out about my “family”. She looks about 6 or 7 and makes sounds like a toddler such as goo goo gah. I find it so unbearable I cringe and would prefer to hear a leafblower! Really! For one thing when they are done they are done. But I don’t know when she’ll be quiet. They just had another baby so in a few years I’ll hear more screaming. I’m sure I’ll still be here as I don’t know where to go.

———
Sent from my iPhone

[3rd rock]

After having been home from treatment for a few weeks, I'm not really doing any better. I've maintained sobriety and haven't relapsed, which is good. However, I'm just as depressed as ever. It's like a constant pain. The new medication they have me on isn't doing anything, and the psychiatrist's only strategy right now is to increase the dose and give it more time to work. I don't expect it will. I'd hoped to return to work by the end of September, but that's seeming less likely than before. I'm trying to pass the time right now by reading and writing, and spending time with my pets. Writing is the only source of hope in my life, and my pets are the only source of any happiness at all. It's really hard to look to the future and see myself lasting very long under these conditions. I just don't see any future for myself at all.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by JaneOnceMore

I hate my neighbors too. They're such nosy know-it-alls. It's surprisingly easy to avoid them tho. I open my door and listen in the hallway for activity before i leave my apartment.

I'm going to have to make an effort with the one who keeps dumping on me about his heart attack. He never expresses any interest in me or offers me any support, he just dumps on me details upon details about his heart attack. I'm not this bottomless well of support! And he goes on and on about his weight when he is skinny and i am fat due to meds -- it's so insensitive! Next time i'm going to ignore him.

Could it be possible that he might not know that he is complaining to much?

[emily1890]

I really have no idea why I spent the entire day singing love will tear us apart by Joy devision

Literlally, since I got up, it's all that's been stuck in my head.

Oh well, I suppose it matches my mood today... so there's that.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm still doing pretty good. I have to make a goal for today. Then get to the goal. That always puts me in a good place, mentally.

sounds like a great

[nonightowl]

Will I decided to try that “friendship mixer” at the senior center but there’s a waiting list. I have about 30 people ahead of me as this turned out to be popular. May was the first time, and this month will be the second. I found out there’s some structure to it, such as a different activity every few minutes. I thought they just have us talk to a stranger 5 minutes then another one, etc.

I’m keeping my expectations very low and still have misgivings. Maybe only extroverted people are interested. Or maybe there’s one woman who is looking for a real friendship too. Part of me wants to get it over with but I don’t think I’ll get in this month. The worst thing that could happen is I waste 2 hours and end up with another “friend” but I’m ready for it.

The lack of a real friend locally has gotten to the critical mass point now. I don’t want to be a loner, really.

I never had to report for jury duty. So all my prep was for nothing.

I’m bored so it would have given me opportunity to use my brains but it could have also disrupted my routine for days. And it’s too hot down there, more than here.

———
Sent from my iPhone

Originally Posted by nonightowl

Will I decided to try that “friendship mixer” at the senior center but there’s a waiting list. I have about 30 people ahead of me as this turned out to be popular. May was the first time, and this month will be the second. I found out there’s some structure to it, such as a different activity every few minutes. I thought they just have us talk to a stranger 5 minutes then another one, etc.

I’m keeping my expectations very low and still have misgivings. Maybe only extroverted people are interested. Or maybe there’s one woman who is looking for a real friendship too. Part of me wants to get it over with but I don’t think I’ll get in this month. The worst thing that could happen is I waste 2 hours and end up with another “friend” but I’m ready for it.

The lack of a real friend locally has gotten to the critical mass point now. I don’t want to be a loner, really.

I never had to report for jury duty. So all my prep was for nothing.

I’m bored so it would have given me opportunity to use my brains but it could have also disrupted my routine for days. And it’s too hot down there, more than here.

———
Sent from my iPhone

To Nonightowl ---> Thank you for letting me know about the friendship mixer. It seems like it's a bit of a disappointment that you have to wait, but on the other hand, if you have reservations about going then you'd have some time to think it over. Apparently, you seem to want to go because you may have some good feelings about the other women at the Senior's Center.

About me, I've been to so many social events and ended up disappointed every time. So it makes me not interested in going to social events. I think you are brave to consider this. There's probably a good chance that some other woman may be looking for a good friend, and that could be where you come in.
I hope for the best for you at whatever comes.

If I were going to some kind of social event that sounds pretty good to me, then I would have my expectations very low. It would be good for me to do it that way because, if I get too psyched, then I'd be set up for a nose-dive in disappointments.

I guess there are a lot of times in my life right now in being alone that I don't mind that much. But still it would be nice to have someone. I'd rather be alone than with bad company, but it isn't a good option to have only. I don't like to be a real loner, either. That's the fear I have at relocating somewhere else where I don't know anyone.

I did the cleaning today, despite being hot and humid. While cleaning I had constantly wiped myself off with a towel and drank a lot of cold water. I'm glad to have been able to do the job.

I haven't slept well because it's been so dang hot! Also there's soreness in my upper arm. Perhaps I might have pulled something in the middle of the night. Because it's hard to toss-and-turn in bed with being so warm and humid.

It's all got me to not feeling so well emotionally.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

To Nonightowl ---> Thank you for letting me know about the friendship mixer. It seems like it's a bit of a disappointment that you have to wait, but on the other hand, if you have reservations about going then you'd have some time to think it over. Apparently, you seem to want to go because you may have some good feelings about the other women at the Senior's Center.

About me, I've been to so many social events and ended up disappointed every time. So it makes me not interested in going to social events. I think you are brave to consider this. There's probably a good chance that some other woman may be looking for a good friend, and that could be where you come in.
I hope for the best for you at whatever comes.

If I were going to some kind of social event that sounds pretty good to me, then I would have my expectations very low. It would be good for me to do it that way because, if I get too psyched, then I'd be set up for a nose-dive in disappointments.

I guess there are a lot of times in my life right now in being alone that I don't mind that much. But still it would be nice to have someone. I'd rather be alone than with bad company, but it isn't a good option to have only. I don't like to be a real loner, either. That's the fear I have at relocating somewhere else where I don't know anyone.

Thanks Will, I’ll let you know. I don’t think there will be another one until next year. Actually I hate that place and haven’t made any true friends. Just acquaintances who stopped talking to me. I’m sick of the book club as they don’t share my tastes. And the same people dominate the discussion. Sick of my exercise class too sigh.😔 I thought I had a friend, a man, but he got the wrong idea. And he stopped talking to me when he realized I was never on the same page as him.

Thank you for saying I’m brave because I often feel chicken! 🐓 I don’t mind solitude at times because I can regroup and reflect. But not ALL the time. And it’s getting old. I have a pair of dress shoes I never wore even once. I never fathomed that in decades I wouldn’t be going out at all. I have a few women acquaintances in both groups but no friends. Friendships take effort and most people lack the emotional maturity to invest in it. Hey why don’t you come here? Anyway there’s women there I try to avoid, one other man too. The old geezers are around at that place.

I wish I could find a better place, even a better book club. But it’s walking distance from home so it’s convenient. But not great.

———
Sent from my iPhone

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I did the cleaning today, despite being hot and humid. While cleaning I had constantly wiped myself off with a towel and drank a lot of cold water. I'm glad to have been able to do the job.

I haven't slept well because it's been so dang hot! Also there's soreness in my upper arm. Perhaps I might have pulled something in the middle of the night. Because it's hard to toss-and-turn in bed with being so warm and humid.

It's all got me to not feeling so well emotionally.

Same here. We are BAKING and I don’t have ac in my bedroom. I opened my window and used the window fan, plus my floor fan. Normally it feels like ac if the temps cool down at night. But it hasn’t been cooling off, even at 2am it was still 80 degrees. And I have to drag myself to the store tomorrow. I go early but still…..it heats up fast. I too drink a lot of water and sweat. I have a box wall ac in the living room but it’s just a room ac. And costly to run! Do you have an ac at all?

———
Sent from my iPhone

Quote from Nonightowl --->"Do you have an ac at all?

I have what appears to be a box A/C. I've never used it. I never felt the need to use it because, like you, I feel like it would be costly. And I just hate air conditioning anyways. Whenever it's really hot and humid, if I go into a supermarket, it feels nice and cool inside. But then it feels brutal when I go out.

I feel like I can wether not having an A/C running. I grew up that way.

[T4bbyCat]

Originally Posted by will19

I have what appears to be a box A/C. I've never used it. I never felt the need to use it because, like you, I feel like it would be costly. And I just hate air conditioning anyways. Whenever it's really hot and humid, if I go into a supermarket, it feels nice and cool inside. But then it feels brutal when I go out.

I feel like I can wether not having an A/C running. I grew up that way.

Similar in my case. We were told this summer would be super-hot, but it never quite materialized this year. Ironically enough, I purchased a portable AC unit at Costco because it was on a huge sale -- and haven't even unpacked it yet 😂. Maybe next summer, if global warming continues.

[nonightowl]

Will and Tabby I hear you. I never got a stand alone because it needs to vent and it could be noisy. And I don’t have anyone around anymore who could help me select the right model and install it for me. I use fans and open my window. I wear earplugs but still hear garage noise like cars and people walking by. And I get the glare from the bright security lights.

If I’m really suffering I run it on energy saving mode and no more than 2 hours. Since nobody checks on me I’ll do it if I can’t tolerate it. Years ago I ran it for 4 hours straight for 4 days. When I got my bill I never did it again. It just cools the room, not the whole apartment. My bathroom and bedroom is hot as hell. The wall unit uses a lot of energy to cool one room.

Wow Will I grew up that way too. We are of the same generation. My parents were always penny pinching and they said we couldn’t afford ac in the house nor in our cars. So I have a high tolerance for heat even if I hate it. I think it’s better to have a consistent temperature throughout my apartment than have it hot in the bedroom and cool in the living room. I was going to try sleeping on my sofa and running the ac, but it’s not nearly as comfortable as my bed.

And I’m not too crazy about ac either. When I was in high school I remember a classmate saying he didn’t like ac because it’s an unnatural cool. 45 years later I still remember that. He’s right. It’s hard to get it just right so it doesn’t feel like the North-Pole. Sometimes it’s TOO cold like at the library or the bus. I was at the grocery store this morning and it felt good, just right. My gym is cool too but like you said, it’s a shock to walk outside afterwards. I never made it to the gym Thursday and yesterday I went in the morning. Not my routine but it’s too hot to go in the afternoon.

The manager sent an email telling us to stay hydrated and careful during this extended heatwave. That was weird because that NEVER happened before! And we have had heat waves before but maybe not this extreme in years. Still I’m skeptical they really care. Are they going to pay my electric bill?

Great to have someone to talk to about it. Supposedly one more day, Monday, and it will start cooling.

The ONLY good thing is that the neighbors are quiet. Not even that little girl is riding her scooter and screaming.



———
Sent from my iPhone

[nonightowl]

Anyone have a ceiling fan? I just remembered that they are supposed to be helpful in drawing heat up or down, depending on the direction. The newer tenants have them but I don’t. I don’t even have a ceiling fixture in the bedroom and my bed would need to be moved if they had to work in here. And I don’t want to be bothered. Both the manager and one of the maintenance guys have been snarky.

———
Sent from my iPhone

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

I woke up feeling dreadful for today with work that's supposed to be going on around me. There work was being done today but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Some noise but not very loud like last week.

Nothing much to report about for today. Just did some shopping this morning and that's about it. I feel a bit down but not terribly depressed like last week, so that's good.

I’m glad that everything has worked out

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by will19

Another Saturday. Felt alright in the morning because of cleaning. Before cleaning, I didn't feel like doing it. I felt too down and depressed and thought I wouldn't be able to. But I went ahead anyways and glad that I did. I always want a clean place for myself, even though no one else will ever see it.

I'm feeling depressed now this afternoon. The outlook for the future looks dismal. There's going to be new developments nearby with a lot of noise and more crowds, which I'm not crazy about. My social life is terrible. and I'm stuck with all of this.

sometimes i feel like this myself.

Originally Posted by nonightowl

Anyone have a ceiling fan? I just remembered that they are supposed to be helpful in drawing heat up or down, depending on the direction. The newer tenants have them but I don’t. I don’t even have a ceiling fixture in the bedroom and my bed would need to be moved if they had to work in here. And I don’t want to be bothered. Both the manager and one of the maintenance guys have been snarky.

———
Sent from my iPhone

I have a ceiling fan in the living room part only. It helps a little bit. But today, being so so hot, it felt like it doesn't make much of a dent. I took a nap around 1 PM and I had the ceiling fan going and portable fan next to me. It helped but it felt like it was pushing hot air around.

We'll get through this! After all, it's happened for us before. Pretty soon it will only be a fleeting memory.

[lotusblossom19]

I just want to sleep the days away. I feel emotionally homeless, like there is no safe, gentle place for my poor heart to rest. This heart is worn out as hell. It seems that all the effort I've put into being graciously gentle to people during their bad days means absolutely nothing. Just feeling really thrown away and broken now.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I have a ceiling fan in the living room part only. It helps a little bit. But today, being so so hot, it felt like it doesn't make much of a dent. I took a nap around 1 PM and I had the ceiling fan going and portable fan next to me. It helped but it felt like it was pushing hot air around.

We'll get through this! After all, it's happened for us before. Pretty soon it will only be a fleeting memory.

You’re right that it’s moving hot air around but at least it’s moving. It’s the oppressive feeling I hate. Oh we’ve had heat waves I know but this is extreme even for us. I’m in the Southwest US so we are known for it but it usually cools at night. At 1am it was 80 degrees and I was up for a bit.

I still remember heatwaves from 2010 and other years. I hardly slept at all so I remember that.

I think you once said you’re on the Eastcoast? And your sister is in the West. Ha ha I also took a nap as the weather makes me drowsy. Even watching tv was hard, focusing was just too much effort, so I watched something I’ve seen before.

———
Sent from my iPhone

Quote from Nonightowl ---> "I think you once said you’re on the Eastcoast? And your sister is in the West".

Well, it's the opposite. I'm in the West and my sister is in the East coast. However, that's where I came from originally, the East coast. My sister told me that the heat was unbearable for a while last month there. When I lived there, July was really bad for heat, humidity, and bad air. So glad I am not there anymore.

For me, as of now, I'm still dealing with the heat. When I got out of bed, it was a little bit cool which was nice. But a half hour later, I started to sweat. Lately it seems like this section has been a support for those who are going through a heat wave. Kind of reminds me of the holidays when we need support because we're either alone or having a bad time.

And I really do get depressed on these kind of hot days. I don't sleep well and not feel great. It's equivalent to getting into something that's not working out well and being hollered at constantly.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

Quote from Nonightowl ---> "I think you once said you’re on the Eastcoast? And your sister is in the West".

Well, it's the opposite. I'm in the West and my sister is in the East coast. However, that's where I came from originally, the East coast. My sister told me that the heat was unbearable for a while last month there. When I lived there, July was really bad for heat, humidity, and bad air. So glad I am not there anymore.

For me, as of now, I'm still dealing with the heat. When I got out of bed, it was a little bit cool which was nice. But a half hour later, I started to sweat. Lately it seems like this section has been a support for those who are going through a heat wave. Kind of reminds me of the holidays when we need support because we're either alone or having a bad time.

And I really do get depressed on these kind of hot days. I don't sleep well and not feel great. It's equivalent to getting into something that's not working out well and being hollered at constantly.

I guess I recalled it wrong, lol. It was months ago at least and I thought you said you were in the Boston area. I guess it was that you were FROM that area.

It was okay when I got up, as the air finally cooled to 75 degrees, but it started warming up fast. I was up late again and I dreaded going to bed.

I like that your thread is moving and it feels supportive and interactive. I used to have 3 "check-in" threads in my subscriptions, from 3 different forums. But only one of them had people posting in them. I don't know why nobody posts in the other 2. There are multiple threads on things like what are you feeling or thinking about, and I don't know which one to follow.
Or post in?

I had to pick up a ticket for that friendship mixer at the senior center and I decided to jump on the computer for a bit. Nice and cool here, but walking outside is going to kill me. It turns out there is no waiting list and the newsletter was wrong, which it often is. So I'll be going to the one on 9/26 Thursday. There's 35 people already on the list.

Originally Posted by lotusblossom19

snip: It seems that all the effort I've put into being graciously gentle to people during their bad days means absolutely nothing. Just feeling really thrown away and broken now.

I can relate to putting effort into giving to people and it isn't reciprocated. So I know how that feels.

Quote from Nonightowl ---> "So I'll be going to the one on 9/26 Thursday. There's 35 people already on the list".


I'm glad to hear that you're planning to go to the friendship mixer.

As for me right now, I'm still trying to cope with the heat. It's a little bit better but not much. Also I plan to workout with my band resistance exercises (here at home) soon. I'll get my playlist ready.

I went to the store to pick up a couple of things around 9 this morning. I got talking to one of the clerks (whom I like a lot) and he told me that, a couple of days ago, one of the employees felt faint after working with the flowers on display outside of the store from the heat.