Praise seems to hurt the most

It was such a hard day today. It was so hard not to break down into tears while around family/kids.

My wife hates it when I do a play on words, but if our son does it, it is the best thing in the world. She has enjoyed things of mine he has repeated until she finds out that I came up with it then it loses its charm. It hurts to be so revolted by the person that should be a caring companion.

During a video call with wife's parents, they went on and on about how good I am as a dad and support I give to the family and she seemed to agree with them in appreciating that support.

When it comes time to touch me, I might as well have the plague.
I don't even get a hug when I am feeling down or talk about how lonely I feel.
I didn't ever think of myself to be one to cheat, but if there were any woman right now that wanted to be with me, I would happily lean into that companionship.

I am in a situation where I am supposed to be getting a therapist that I get to work with. I had been told it would happen in January.. then the end of January, and now I still don't have someone.

I hate having some hope that I look forward to and count on. Life just over and over again shows me how stupid I am for trusting in or looking for something good to happen. I felt like I held out on the expectation of having someone to talk to. Someone paid to be my friend for an hour and listen to me.

I am so sorry that you feel this way. I hope you can find other resources that you may be able to find a therapist sooner. Keep posting, keep telling us how you're feeling. It helps it really does,

Here's a hug even if it's a virtual one

@LadyShadow Thank you, yes, it does help getting some of the thoughts out even if it is just in writing. Thank you for the well wishes.

Hello TAM. Sounds like a tough spot you are in. What’s the hold up with the therapist? Is it hard to find someone in your area?

I was on a list of getting assigned a therapist and have the person now.

The 2-3 sessions so far has been the person listening for the session and then it being over. I don't have friends in the area to talk to, so that helps I guess.
I am trying to set some therapy goals in the next session and see where things go.

Beyond a different perspective on things, I don't see someone's advice being able to work me out of my situation. There is no good solution.

Try to push for from someone affection that seems disgusted to be in contact with me. Leave and leave behind kids and pet that I care about. Do nothing and endure through most of the day and try to grasp a few small pleasures.