as a teen...

... I used to pose as a nihilist. I thought it was cool. And it WAS indeed.
As an adult, I have really become a nihilist, and it's NOT cool at all.
When THAT feeling rises, I can't value anything, no tiny part of reality. But after all I'm not even a good nihilist, or I would simply be indifferent. No, I care a lot, I am worried and anguished, I suffer.
I've not felt good in 5 weeks, not even for a minute. Depression rises for a few days sometimes. Now it has risen. I'm growing tired, very tired.

Thank you for listening

first thing, you have very good syntax. better than mine and im a brit.

second. i guess i am a nihilist myself sometimes. it does suck awesomely. i find myself pretending im not so as to not demoralise others, then i wonder what the hell. it is depressing. never was cool for me just the way i turned out. i guess an understanding of the wider world that many kids dont have doesnt help either. oh well. call me depressing, doesnt matter much.
tis a shame that u feel so crap, i know how u feel. for the last few days i have been considering ejecting myself from the totally pointless reality. only to be brought back from that 'stupid' idea bu other people when they realise. i am not one to abandon people who need help. to be honest. so i do try help people even when it looks damn pointless. which is most of the time really, but yeah. gotta try for others eh?
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Stefano, one thing i respect is the ability you have to recognize the cycles and descriptively define them for others...

but it such a cost to you..... thanks for sharing and caring...

i hope today is an improvement... the cycle will go around tho and the good days are ahead again....

hang in there...