hi..

I am not sure where to post this... you see.. I am DID... and.. where this posts goes.. I do not know... where I "belong".. I do not know.. if I post in DID forum.. I hurt others... and to post here.. am not sure anyone will understand.. and also I do not want to "freak" anyone.. I feel like a fish out of water.. unsure of myself.. knowing I need support.. and not knowing where to go...

A very long time ago... years ago... I promised my alters.. that I would allow them to do the "unspeakable"... here in this forum.. when my son was raised.. established.. and doing well...

Well.. up until Sat... I did not know my son.. was a man.. doing well.. capable... established.. and yes.. so very confident...

We went Sat.. to pick up my new dog.. and it was about a 3 hour trip.. and.. yepper... that is when it "dawned" on me.. that I really had "done it"... he is a personable... wonderful.. whole person... adjusted.. capable... confident...

That you see... as a DIDer... has been my ultimate worry... that my son.. would have the life I lead... in alters... and wow.. a DIDer.. raised a very "normal" person... you see I have known thru therapy.. that I am DID... almost since he was born...

So.... now my job is done.... I feel very strongly.. that I must honor.. my alters wishes... they are a very strong force within "me"... they have waited very long for this... and... I feel that it is "time"....

so I have been struggling... mixed up... confused... since Sat... having a new dog (a retired greyhound) in the house.. having memories of abuse triggered... and then profound depression.. hit me like a "ton of bricks"....

My new dog... can go back to the agency that I adpoted her from.. it is in the contract that I signed....so I know she will be well taken care of..

Having her has also put stressors on my life... she is just off the track.. and trying to learn to live in a house.. she is a very good dog.. house broken...

It brings feelings of anxiety.. and taking care of my son.. years ago.. when he was a baby... and I struggled as a single parent... the total responsibility... the divorce from my husband... the beatings.. everything...

so... I guess.. one could say.. I am severely.. depressed... more than I have been ever in my life..

So... am not sure where I "belong".... in DID... here.. where????

my alters... are insisting.. I make good my promise to them...

does anyone understand???

[nowheretorun]

you belong period Freewill..... here or anywhere... just takes some time to find the comfort zones... that always need adjusting it seems as the waves come and pass... hang in there (((((Freewill)))))

[Cyran0]

free, I'd say post where you feel like posting. The benefit I see to posting in DID is that people there understand DID but you wont get any less support posting anywhere else. We just might not totally understand in depression.

Cyran0

[Pita]

(((((((Freewill)))))))

I agree with everyone else here - post wherever - just keep posting.

I am so sorry that things have gotten harder with your new pooch and just harder in general.

I think I have mentioned before that "kids" - no matter how old they are - always need their moms - always need that connection.

Safe and gentle hugs.

[Doh2007]

Please continue to take good care of yourself. Your son may be grown, but he will always need you. You will still be his model of what adulthood looks like. Don't give in to the lies your illness tries to tell you. And you belong anywhere you feel comfortable. We will love you here, there, or anywhere.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((freewill)))))))))))))))))))))))) You are welcome here. I am sorry that all of you are having such a hard time right now. Changes can be hard but a new member of the family can be so difficult for some alters. Please don't listen to those voices. You are wanted and needed. Your son while grown still needs and wants his mother. Please try and stay safe.

BB

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Freewill))))))))))))

You are a good mother. I'm sorry about your dog Triggers suck.

Please stay here. You are wanted.

Be safe, be well. Love ya!

(((((((((freewill))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am glad you posted this.
Your very important.
I am sorry you are having a hard time.
Be proud you have done a great job with your son
if you can.
Hope things get better
muffy

[Pseudonym]

For what it's worth, I live with 2 retired greyhounds (one is 2 and the other is 4), and have had two others before who have passed away. Taking care of them gives me a feeling of responsibility I hadn't shown for myself in a long time. Knowing that they can't take care of themselves sort of forces me to give attention to them at a time when I can't seem to give attention to anything else. Obviously I don't know about your situation enough to say, but if you *can*, I'd urge you to consider your doggie not as a burden to add to your already complex life, but as a cornerstone to a more solid one.
Much love, and good luck.

[Fuzzybear]