so sad

I'm feeling terrible again. I took some vacation from my job for a few days to go visit my family because things were getting unbearable, and it really helped. I was still down but feeling stronger and with some sight of the future. Now I've returned, and it just feels like I'm back to being locked in my head with no one to understand me. I feel like everyone thinks I'm crazy and that I'll fail in my jobs and end up all alone. I'm unable to work on projects because I just feel so sad. I have this boss who criticizes/ignores me, and every time I think about my future I worry that everyone will have the same opinion of me as her. My boyfriend is such a positive person, and he just says I'm pretty and changes the subject when I express my sadness and fear. Too boot, I used to be able to hide my blues pretty well, but these days I get tears in my eyes so easily and I have these deep bags under my eyes. I just want to cry and cry.

i wish i knew the right words to say to you but all i can say is i do understand and hang on in there...you're not alone

awww. thanks K. It means a lot to me to be able to say these things.

How are you doing?

fine thanx, hope you're finding this site helpful? one thing i learned real quick here is how to let things out....hope you have too?

I think I'm learning bit by bit. It is so great to be able to just say what I'm thinking without worrying quite so much about what people will think of me.

that's what this site is for...say what you feel and we all help each other thru. and we don't judge each other here. good huh?

It's very cool!

yep it is

you feel any better now?

I do. It helped to just get my worries out there.

good

(((((((((ArianeB))))))))))))))

I quit my job in September - It was a good-paying, almost criminally easy job, with a lot of freedom in terms of arrival time, long lunch breaks, chatting with friends, etc. There were lots of bad decisions being made there, and I did feel pretty down about my ability to contribute. I haven't found a job yet (mostly, I think because I've barely looked and only to satisfy people who wonder), but I think quitting my job was pretty dumb in retrospect.

The reason I bring it up is because I urge you to consider the difference between a vacation, which is often as pleasant as yours was, and unemployment, which at first seems like a vacation, but in reality just gives you more time to mope. Your job might be the suck, and believe me I have nothing but empathy for you, but even beyond the paycheck or the health benefits and retirement plan, it's doing you a service.

As for your boyfriend, it seems as though he either doesn't understand what is going on with you, or is scared to mention it, hoping you'll snap out of it. If you can, you might consider showing him this thread. It's often easier to talk about it once he's seen you open up to someone else, which I think is one of the reasons group or couples therapy can be so effective.

I know how you feel. I joined this chat because i do feel alone with my feelings and struggles to have others understand me. When people don't know what Depression is they often think we are crazy for responding as we do, especially to family. At the same time, I have hidden the Depression for so long that I don't think others really believe me when I say I am depressed. Like you, however, I no longer have the strength to hide it or keep it in check and it is embarrassing. Hang in there, you are not alone.