[carrie_]

im not sure if this is weird or not-thats basicaly why im putting this out there.when i start to feel better(more like my old self) and then after a while when i slip back into depression i hate the person i was when i was "my old self"(thats what people say,like im back to the way i was).i cant help but think everyone doesnt like the more chatty outgoing me to the depressed person they never see.so really what im trying to say is that part of me doesnt want to get better because i dont like the "better" me..
has anyone else ever experienced this?

[nowheretorun]

yes i have..... trying to fit into an unhealthy society as a 'healthier' me.... sucks at times....

but... it is a ladder... new friends are made, those that will support the better you...

what is important , imo, is knowing which 'you' you want to be....

[splitimage]

I think if you're used to being depressed then when you get back to "normal" it doesn't feel normal. it's like I'm not used to being happy. I'm used to being unhappy so happy feels kind of scary. It's also kind of like stopping drinking. I stopped drinking in March but had a short relapse in November otherwise I'd have a year sober time, and everyone is telling me how much better I look and sound, but I was drinking for so long that I'd forgotten how to live like a normal person, so even though I'm slowly getting some of my confidence back, I still feel reallly tentative and uncertain in my new life.

I think any change is hard to get used to, even if it is a positive change.

--splitimage

[Pseudonym]

I'm pretty sure people around us can tell when we're being genuine and when we're faking it. That would account for my own experiences, when I'm forcing happiness for social reasons, when I'd rather just curl up and sleep for 15 or 16 hours straight. It occurs primarily when I'm out with friends (not that THAT'S happened recently ) and I bother myself by being kind of a goober: controlling the conversation, making inappropriate jokes, etc.

What you have, if I may, is what's called a false dichotomy - you're limiting yourself to only two alternatives, e.g. your "normal" state and your "happy" state. I would suggest there's a third alternative (well, there are infinite alternatives, but this is the ideal one) where you can be happy AND well-liked. How that happens and who that person is, I don't know, but from my own personal experience, I find that forcing it doesn't work at all. If you don't like who you become when "happy" you're fortunate enough to recognize that, and can attempt with some effort to change. It won't be easy, but would it be as rewarding if it were?

Much love, and good luck.