[RozG]

just a vent. no need to read. no need to respond. just getting it out. feel so useless. worthless. pathetic. guess i know myself pretty well...know what i am. screw everything up. screwed my whole life up. guess i get what i deserve. sweet f.a. most of the time. no hubby. no kids. no job. no friends who really give a damn. irl friends who only call when they need something. money. favor. shoulder to cry on. online friends. i know for a fact not one would care if they met me irl coz they'd see how pathetic i really am. hubby. had 2 abusive marriages already. ain't dumb enuff to go there a 3rd time but don't gotta worry about that anyway coz no man in his right mind would want a screw-up like me. job. used to be a careworker and also worked with abused kids. used to be damned good at it too but who'd employ me now i've finally owned to having mental health probs. ironic thing is i've had mental health probs from 11 y.o. but always managed to hide it. nothing like honesty to screw your life up. end of rant except...no need for anybody to waste time responding to this. just letting it out, be fine tomorrow, i'm not a quitter...just finding it hard these days to see what there is to keep going for.

[ArianeB]

[pegasus]

(((((((( kalamity Jane ))))))))

So, what changes would you like to make?

[Pseudonym]

I often have a difficult time accepting that my friends want to hear from me. Nowadays it seems like everyone (but me) is so busy, that a phone call would just be annoying to them. I typically wait for them to call me, but as you say, it doesn't happen often and usually for only suspicious reasons.

But the other day I got a call from a friend who I hadn't heard from in a few months, and we talked for a long time. I was feeling pretty low just before, and after I spoke to her, I felt really really good. I told her how much I appreciated her calling me, but I don't think she'll ever really understand the good it did me. The thing is, though, that it wasn't her calling me that made me feel better, it was talking to her, and I hope to remember that the next time I'm feeling like none of my friends gives two shakes.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you, but I hope that the rant helped.

Good luck!

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( kj ))))))))))))

[splitimage]

((((KJ))))

I'm really sorry that life is so hard right now. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with. But would you believe me, if I said that it is possible for life to get bettter? Mental illness doesn't have to stop you from pursuing your dreams or working as long as it's treated - which in and of itself can be a long and frustrating process.

I thought my life was over in Dec. 06 when I got fired due to drinking. I wound up in hospital from drinking. That finally got me into a treatment program which I was prepared to work at - but it was hard and I Kept relapsing. I spent 7 weeks IP in a psych hospital last summer and then another 8 weeks doing intensive outpatient therapy to get my depression treated. I still go to a hospital 2 half days a week for addiction treatment. But my life today is better than it's been in a long time. I'm starting to reach out to people, and startign to believe that it is possible for me to be happy. I'm waiting for a job offer from a small company, that has said they want to hire me pending a references check. it's not as much money as I'm used to making but it will be low stress and they're going to let me take one 1/2 day off a week to continue my addictions treatment. It's been the hardest 15 months of my life, but it's been worth it.

I hope that someday soon you can look back at this period and see it in your past.

Hang in there.

--splitimage

[RozG]

hi pegasus i know what changes i need to make...but i also know it wont happen til spring comes and this stupid S.A.D. goes away...just keeping my head above water til then.

ty for caring

[RozG]

((((((((Fuzzy))))))))

[RozG]

((((((Ariane))))))

[RozG]

((((Pseudonym))))

[RozG]

((((splitimage))))

[puckyjan56]

kalamity jane ,i know you just wanted to vent but you are my friend and you are a wonderful person. i care janet

[RozG]

too janet, i knew you'd get it!

and you know i think you're a wonderful person too

[RozG]

plz don't respond to this thread if you genuinely don't mean it...it's just one of those bad rollercoaster days but i totally don't need false sympathy on top...just trying to keep my head above water today...but it's not freaking working

[nowheretorun]

(((KJ))))

(((((((((KJ)))))))))))))))))))
You are not worthless
Look how fast you came to PC
made friends
Look at you we all care
You matter
I am sorry you are feeling so down today

You brightened my day today
muffy

[RozG]

((((nowheretorun)))) thank you

((((muffy)))) you help so much

i know my bad times will pass, if i didn't have hope i wouldn't still come to pc

((((everybody having a bad day))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( kj )))))))))))))

[Perna]

You must keep going for me Who would I have so interesting to research for? Not everyday you get such a friend as you stuck in their apartment, overseas, who need a locksmith on a Sunday? My element! Don't change a thing about you!

[nothemama8]

Holy moley Dorrie, this is a good rant, but i've found a few mistakes in your discription of yourself, you are not worthless, we don't hang around with worthless, you are a very bright jewel in our treasure chesrt of friends here , and honey I don't tell stories
Love ya
Angie

[RozG]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
You must keep going for me Who would I have so interesting to research for? Not everyday you get such a friend as you stuck in their apartment, overseas, who need a locksmith on a Sunday? My element! Don't change a thing about you!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL Perna....now that DID make me laugh...ty


((((Angie)))) ty you're a good friend

[Candor]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kalamity_Jane said: nothing like honesty to screw your life up.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
that's so damn true

[Pseudonym]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Candor said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kalamity_Jane said: nothing like honesty to screw your life up.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
that's so damn true

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Like anything else, it can be used for good or bad. Honesty doesn't screw your life up as much as lying does, I think it's fair to say. Give it a fair shake!

[RozG]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Candor said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kalamity_Jane said: nothing like honesty to screw your life up.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
that's so damn true

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Candor, i don't feel like this any more, it was just a bad day....do you want to tell me why you feel this way? ((hugs))