hello...newbie

Hello everyone,
I just joined today—so I’m a newbie!
You can probably guess why I’m here—depression. I have lived with my depression for a long time now. I have been able to keep it under control and hidden from my family and friends. I don’t want them to know because they just wouldn’t understand. I have on occasion tried to talk to them—but every time it is just written off as me being in a bad mood and I need to get over it. I have tried really hard too; I just can’t escape myself I guess. This last year has been really hard for me though. I am a senior in college and been finding that I just keep slipping into a deeper depression and self-hatred. I have always tried really hard to do well in school and be like my friends. This last year my grades have been slipping because I just don’t seem to care anymore. I know it is all my fault and I need to do something about it. It is just I have a breakdown every time I become stressed. I hate this feeling so much. I know this is wrong but I have found that cutting relieves my stress and pain. I hate that I do it and feel remorse every time—but it makes me feel so much better. It just seems that I am going in circles by this cycle—but I have tried to pretend to be okay and nothing was wrong with me—but I just end up hating myself more and wishing I would die. I hate this.

thinking of you... and sending you a hug. Posting on here does relieve stress. I have found it to be useful to post just to vent my feelings and people here do care and they will listen. Chatting in the chat rooms can also be a way to talk about your feelings with people who do care.

Welcome, angel. I strongly advise taking the time to go through a bit of the forum, maybe the last month or so. It's extremely helpful to recognize that you are by no means alone, even if the distances that separate us are great. It's not "wrong" to cut, it's simply something that you do, like anything else. There's no judgements here. I would ask that the next time you feel like it, why not give us a nice long post on how you are first and see if that doesn't help in some way. Or try the chat. It's worth a shot, right?

Again, welcome, and *hug*. Hope to hear from you soon.

Welcome to PC angel. I am sorry you are struggling so much right now but am glad you found us. I hope that sharing helped you feel better. Depression can be so hard. I am sorry your friends don't understand.

SI is a way to cope and that is what you are trying to do. It seems you are feeling distress about this. You may want to also post in our SI forum where you might find some extra support.

Glad you are with us.

BB

Hi Angel

Welcome to pc...and hang in there coz you'll find lotsa help and support here.


...and just a thought but maybe you'd find it helpful to check out the self injury forum. good luck to you and hope being here helps you.

Thank you guys so much for your support. I really appriciate it. I am going to take your advise (all of them) and see where I can go from there. It is just so hard to get some things acomplished sometimes when I cant escape myself. but, just having at least one person to be there really makes things a little better. Thank you!

Just imagine all the thousands of us, here to help you out. =)

Welcome to PC. I hope you find us really helpful and supportive. Have you seen a Dr. about your depression? I have found medication to be very helpful in managing my depression, and there's nothing to be ashamed about in asking for help.

Re the cutting. There's nothing to be ashamed of there either. Thousands of people do it. It's a coping mechanism. Ok so it's not the healthiest of coping mechanisms but it works in the short term. I used to self injure pretty badly, but have been si free, with one minor slip, for 3 years now. So just because you're cutting now when you're under stress doesn't mean it's something you will do forever.

Take care.

--splitimage