[PlanningtoLive]

Since I've gotten out of the hospital 3 weeks ago, I have really been trying to keep it all together emotionally. I've realized that I have a huge amount of stress at my job so I have been diligently searching for a new one - I currently work in fast food, and although I am good at it, I despise it........esp. the franchise I work for. I left them three years ago because of stress, yet went back to them last July.

Anyway, I've been doing the job search thing and interviews and have had some pretty decent luck. I was just recently hired for a security officer position stationed in a company that would give me lots of benefits. They were really impressed with me (always said I did well on paper) after my interview and offered me a 3rd shift spot contingient upon background and fingerprint checks clearing. I was also told that they will be "grooming" me for a supervisor position for that shift and it should be mine within 6 months.

It is local, about 10 mins. from my house actually, and with winter coming that is a major plus as my car does nothing but slide all over. Anyway, the background check cleared, which I knew it would. All my management jobs have had to do that.

My concern is the fingerprint aspect. Many years ago (10 to be exact) I had to spend 90 days in jail because of my stupidity in listening to my second husband. Anyway the charge was considered a minor felony, I think. I am petrified that something is going to come back and mess this up for me. See, I have to get a security clearance permit from the State in order to have this position.

If nothing shows up, everything is awesome and then I have a second job, as a security officer, waiting for me at the local Mall.

Just to cover my bases I went to a few other places and was tentatively offered a job as a customer service manager for a retail store (a pet store) which is not close by - it is up in the same town where my current job is. I passed the first interview and I'm supposed to go back Monday afternoon for a walk thru the store, etc. I am almost positive the job is mine.

I also have to start training classes for the security job on Monday, from 7am till 3pm for the next two weeks. They already gave me the clothes for the job and two winter jackets, plus my badge and all the things that hang off the belt......lol. If I lose that job it would be horrible. As of now it is bringing up all kinds of memories from back then that I had locked up in my little closet.

Just to say a little - my son is not an only child. He is actually my fifth son. After I lost my other children, I had a breakdown. It is still a box that I can't open yet, but this fingerprint thing is really trying to pry the lid off.

On top of that, I have my disability hearing next week on my birthday, the 13th. I've been trying to get reports and such for the hearing - I received one batch of copies today from my former T. I sat and read the notes from the last year and a half, and I simply got more depressed.

Fast forward to my current job. I had called in a few days ago because my back was really acting up. I was supposed to go into work today, but I didn't go. I couldn't face getting an attitude for my absent time (they have been horrible since I got out of the hospital by cutting my hours and their attitude) so I didn't go.

I talked to my pdoc about it and he said it was perfectly understandable that I have basically quit because of the circumstances. He wished me lots of luck with the new job.

However, I have no money. Even if I had wanted to go to work, I couldn't keep driving there - I don't have enough gasoline to do it till I get paid on the 18th. There is really nothing in the house to eat except for the basics. My son has food but we don't.

I am stressed, depressed, and feel like I'm running in circles. Does anyone know if my fingerprints will come back to haunt me or will they be okay?

Sorry this is so long, but I just needed to type and let out the fear and frustration. I'm trying really hard not to do anything stupid and been visiting all the suicide websites.........but it's hard right now.

Thanks.

[Fuzzybear]

Sorry Mary Alice, I don't know the answer to your question about your fingerprints, but I wanted to wish you lots of luck and love with everything you are going through, hang in there ((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))

xoxox
Fuzzy

[LMo]

{{{ Mary Alice }}}

I don't post much these days, but I've been coming back lately to check for your posts. I'm thinking of you. This is more than I ever knew about your past -- thanks for sharing it. You've been through some rough times and I'm positive that with the efforts you've been putting in, it can only lead to a brighter future for you and Alex.

Love,
LMo

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}} thanks.

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}}

My little closet is just full of nasty boxes with memories in. At one point in my life I have lived under stairwells, and in the subway station in boxes. All this was before Alex, of course.

I thought that I was past that poverty stage - I've worked my butt off to get past it, to make sure that Alex had what he needed with a few treats thrown in. It just seems now like I am back there with no way out again. All my hard work hasn't really paid off if this is where I am now.

[sigh] Thanks, LMo.

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Mary Alice -- I don't know about the security check. I do know that if you have signed a statement swearing that all info on the application is true, you can be fired if an untrue statement comes to light later. I've seen it happen in newspaper for lying about having a college degree. In that case, it's not the matter of the degree that is at issue, but the lie.

I wish you had someone to talk with. Do you feel together enough to phone a different security company, pretend that you're very interested in the work and ask how the past would affect the application. Also, there is a big difference between being charged and being convicted of a felony. If you were cleared of the charges, it would seem the police made a mistake.

The good thing about bringing this matter to light yourself is that you have a chance to explain how you've changed since then, and how it all happened. If employer discovers it, you're not only a felon but a liar.

I also would like to raise this point -- if you are hired by this company, and rise to supervisor, and the job is a godsend, how will you feel over time knowing there's a skeleton in the closet that could destroy your world if it ever comes popping out?

I wish you the best with this. It sounds like you have overcome tremendous challenges to build a better life for you and your son. I admire and respect that. And I will keep you in my prayers, such as they are.

[PlanningtoLive]

Hi Wants,

most places ask you if it has been within the last 7 years - this was longer than that. My background check has cleared numerous times. Unfortunately there is no other security company in the area. This one merged with another one and it is it.

All I want is the past to stay where it belongs and leave me free to make a new life doing something I really want to do. I've tried really hard to put all that behind me and move forward.

I'm going to be holding my breath till I know. I guess they have to have this form signed first before it gets sent in. I'm praying for a miracle on this one.

Thank you for the compliment and the prayers. It means a lot.

[Wants2Fly]

I didn't know about the 7 year thing. So it sounds as if you may skate through. You deserve a break!!!!! (((((You))))))

[LadyDragus]

My darling Mary Alice..

You are going to need us more than ever on this one.. I hope it stays wear the skelton belongs long hidden and barried.. I think I can try to find it and eat it.. I normally do not like them, cause there is not meat or veggies on them, but I will try to hunt this one down and eat it for you okies I love you, always and forever : forlive noone can take that away I promise on this one ok.

Love always
Lady D.

[PlanningtoLive]

There's my dragon! lol. May not be till early next week now. I've been so tired lately since I can't sleep at night, that I was falling asleep in class all day today. I had to keep standing and walking around to stay awake - my instructor wasn't really happy with that - told me to go home and sleep when the day was over with.

Now my job that I've put on hold has put me on the "inactive" list to try and stop my insurance and PTO from accumulating. That will leave me with no $$ for meds and no means of paying for my appts. They won't let me go or fire me since I can get unemployment then.

My disability hearing is tomorrow. I don't know what to think about that one. If I am fortunate to get it, then I have a whole other set of things to consider.

I also, as of yesterday, was offered a job at a pet store as the equine manager (horse dept). That's my back-up in case my prints don't clear. He wants me to start immediately and I have to go have the drug test tomorrow after the hearing. It feels like a merry go round that I can constantly on.

I really should write a book..........lol.

[Wants2Fly]

Wow! You have a lot going on. Good luck with the disability hearing. My 2 therapist today echoed what my Florida therapist said -- I need to try for this, and gave me the assignment of getting the process rolling this week.

Plz keep us posted on how everything turns out.

(((((Planning to Exist)))))))