[xtine]

my almost 7 years relationship has finally ended. the relationship ended last january but still i feel like i'm not moving on. i still cry everyday & grieve over the loss of the love of my life because up to now i feel that i still love the person. i cant sleep & eat well. i lose weight so easily. please help me...

[nightbird]

treat yourself the very best you can. nobody is there to love you - right now you have to do the job.

cry when you have to, lift your spirits when you can. be comforted by friends. let people in. lean on people you can trust. take up some new interests to fill the void right now.

do you want to go back to school?
take a class, whether dance or drawing, or clay sculpture?

would you like to plan a trip with a friend and go to italy?
or mexico?

you have your life ahead of you now.
this relationship is part of the past - or will be.

when we open up our arms again, because we have done the work on ourselves to clear the problems, refresh ourselves, renew our spirit, the act alone of opening up will bring people into our arms .... the problem then will be discriminating ... who is right for us, who do we want to spend time with and know why.

meanwhile, learn to spend quality time with yourself. have a ball. make friends. do things. go places. make some dreams come true.

it's the loss of love. not the end of the world. it hurts. soon the hurt comes and goes.
one day, you wake up and it's gone.

pece and love,
nightbird


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[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( xtine ))))))))))))

[xtine]

you inspire me with your words.. thank you very much. i hope i can really overcome the heartache very soon coz it's really tearing me apart.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((((( xtine ))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time, I hope that it gets better for you soon.

[concerned4stepkids]

I am sorry, you can never understand how hard it can be until you go through it yourself. I had the love of my life for a very short time, were best friends first, never slept together but was getting close. It was perfect, we had many of the same interests and had a lot of chemistry that naturally drew us together. I was never more in love but, timing was off and it wouldn't have been right.

It was enough to mess me up for a very long time. I lost 30 lbs. in a month. After struggling with the pain and severe depression, I had to accept he was gone. And we were doing what was right and the way it was suppose to be.

At first he would talk to me and tell me he was sorry for the hurt and missed me and the friendship... he was hurting too. The contact made me live in hope, which made it even harder and the pain was intense. We would cry and exchange hugs. He would tell me how wonderful I was. But he wanted to try with her. He was afraid to start over in a new relationship as he thought at 25 he was getting too old. But his and my own situation wouldn't make it right... and we both went back into very abusive relationships. (I am out of mine now)

His girlfriend demanded he not even look at me, he stopped talking to me. Maybe for the best, due to the chemistry, it wouldn't have taken us long to get back together. I didn't want him or myself to become a cheater. We were very very drawn to each other.

It makes it even harder knowing that he lives with abuse and will probably do so for a very long time as I did.

She became my stalker... 4 years later, she still stalks me, perhaps he gives her reason to. Thats another story (and he is a cop)

What made me feel better...
I gave myself permission to love him. With that love, I decided to let him grow and live life. We occasionally cross paths, no words are spoken, but sometimes exchange smiles. Now 4 years later: I am with someone very special and love very much and he is married to her. We will never lose our past time together. Now sometimes I even hear from others... he asks how I am doing. Sometimes he patrols my street or talks to my kids. (I was shocked, as this came about when I thought he hated me). Sometimes he patrols where he knows I'll be. We may never speak again, but knowing he is out there, ok and cares/thinks about me every now and then is enough. Yours may do that after some time, but that doesn't mean they'll be back. Mine doesn't try to talk to me nor I to him. I don't want to feel the intensity of the pain over him again. As you can read into it, yes, I still love and miss him, but I have someone else I love now, I choose to work on the relationship with the special person in my life.

Allow yourself to love this person. Don't hang onto hope. It will kill you. It's not an overnight thing and will hurt for sometime. When it hurts the most, come back here and talk, but try to distract yourself. I know it's not easy. Hang in there. When you can find a way to smile again, you'll draw someone special into your life. That does the most healing. When that person does come around, go slow, you don't want to be in a rebound relationship. Allow it time to grow.

<font color="red"> YES, you'll love again. </font> Maybe it will be the right person the next time. I believe things happen for a reason and our paths always lead us somewhere good. Even when it just seems to be spiraling downwards.