Not the happy mother to be

<font color="blue"> </font> I am 29 & 4 months pregnated ,not married . I have a girl age 7 from my first marriage, but I left him , I wasn't happy . Well long story short I have always had problems with depression & I'm not feeling so good right now . I'm worry that I'm not a good mom & here I am going to do it again . I am always down on myself & I know kids sence this & it makes them think bad about them selfs. It doesn't help that the father to be doesn't seem to understand me & we seem to fight all the time . I feel alone & I'm scared, I love him very much & I would like to get married ,but I don't see him asking any time soon. I cry at night when he is in bed I don't want him to know that I do this , I don't want him to know that I feel this sad , it's like saying hey look at me I'm weak. I just want to feel loved thats all I want , but I don't love myself so how can anyone else.

welcome melissaann,

I sense in your posts your depression. Something else really stands out to me as well (mayhaps because of something that's going on in my own life, but that's another story...hehe). the other thing that stands out is that you seem to feel "that this is your life right now and you have very few options -- stuck". you talked about not having your GED, etc. also, you talked about not being ready to face a therapist right now.

I'm where you're at right now. I have limited options, and not many are appealing or are something I feel I can do right now. I've been there before tho, and i KNOW from experience that's when i need to do something the most! even if it's just one small, but positive thing. it will help me (and you) to feel empowered in your life. a sense of empowerment (no matter how big or small can help depression that arrives from the lack thereof).

Is there one thing that you can think of that you feel you CAN do right now? I would highly suggest therapy...it's saved my quality of life...it really has. also, it was one of the hardest things in my life to initiate. But, if that's something you can't do right now, maybe finding a place to just talk (like here ) will help. Also, you recognize that you've dealt with depression for a long time. what about something small to help alleviate symtoms such as light yoga (due to pregnancy) or a brisk walk every morning? i know it sounds old school, but physical activity really does help depression.

I just feel that if you (and I) had a plan to just maybe try to alleviate some of the symtoms right now that would help in feeling some empowerment in your life, and your depression might lighten. please let me know and give suggestions of what helps for you...i'm dealing with depression right now as well.

Be safe and sending you peaceful wishes.

Kimmydawn