feeling lonely for the first time in a very long time

I have been a single mom for eight years. I never have been lonely during all that time. I have a few friends and that is enough.

This past weekend my son spent two days with friends at their house. He visits infrequently with his friends and this didn't seem anything different but when he was gone I was lonely for him to come home. For the rest of this week I have been lonely when he is sleeping late and anxious for him to awaken.

I don't want to be like my mom who is codependent on her two forty y/o daughters who live with her. I want my son to grow up and have his own life and I thought I was ready to let him fly (one more year of school) but I am surprised at my feelings and not quite sure what to think.

I didn't think I would have empty nest syndrome but I may be wrong. I don't want a long term relationship with a man since I was battered so I know I am going to be alone alot.

Has anybody had something similar?

((((((( Yoda ))))))))
I can not relate to you as a mother, I am only still in my teens. But I can relate to you in a way. My brother has one year of school left, and my mother treats him as a son. Unlike our relationship. But I do know that if you love something or someone as much as a mother should a son, you will be able to let him live his own life. You want whats best for him right? You want him to be happy too right? It most likely will be hard to watch him go, but he will always be with you, love has a way with bonding people, keeping them together.
Be strong.

I think we have to learn to mourn the role we become accustomed when we are mothers/fathers. I think its normal to feel the feelings you are having and as long as you don't burden your son/child with them and work through them through your own means then things wil be fine. I don't think you nescesaryly need a partner, but you will need to find things for you to grow into, to make a life that is also seperate from your child. I have dreams of what I think my life in the future might be like, ie grandchildren etc, etc, but then I also ask myself, if these "dreams" do not turn out in reality, what have I got left? Yes I feel an emptyness with that thought and thats what spurs me on to get more famailiar with my "aloneness" and make friends with myself incase what we would like to have happen doesn't. Its a painful reality that though we gave birth to our children and hope to have an ongoing relationship wtih them, it may not always work out that way and I have to learn to deal with those feelings and not feel disappointment and/or bitterness. Its a very, very hard job being a parent, its the most self-less thing we can ever do in life and sometimes if we're lucky it can be the most rewarding, and inbetween those 2 things is "us".

I think your feelings are really normal and I'm glad that you are acknowledging how you feel. I think it makes you healthier to be able to do that. I hope that as you continue to talk things out you will feel more and more freedom to be the woman that you are becoming while also being able to grieve the change in roles you are experiencing as a woman. My best to you...

It has been a while since my son was young and beginning to build his own life as even young children do, but yes I can relate. When his life began unfolding I felt the contrictions of my own life, and I felt the desires I had for wanting people close to me.

I think you have identified this yourself in your post when you mention that you would like a long tern relationship with a man. I think you're feeling the absence of that when your son is away. If you had someone very close in your life like that, you would have that person there even when your son is away enjoying his friendships as you are happy for him to do.

Also your mentioning your mom and your desire to not be dependent like her says that you're thinking of the future, seeing how your son being away for a short time is going to become a time when he is living fully independent... and you're thinking about what your life will be like then and I think you're wondering how you can begin to prepare for that so that it's the life you want to have. I think you see the gap now between where you are and where you want to be. You're awarenesses are very keen.

This is a wonderful area to explore and get help with in therapy if you have a therapist. You can work together on reaching for the stars!

(((((((((((((( Yoda ))))))))))))))

Thank you for your supportive comments.

I have had a very bad week. I am anxious about finances and afraid I will never go back to work (haven't worked as RN in nine years).
I regret buying my expensive (to me) convertible last year and wish I instead had a couple more sensible cars for myself and my son. I have cried and have lost interest in my hobby and things I normally enjoy. I am bipolar and my doc told me there would be ups and downs on the road to recovery and this is a definite down.

Even my horse, my best friend, has been no help. I have been leaving his feed in the barn and have not been calling him in to eat and be petted as I normally do. I have wished this week that I could find him a loving home and sell my farm and move into a low maintenance apartment.

I have an appt with my therapist Thursday and I need it badly.

I am feeling really low.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling down, but I'm glad that you decided to write something here and let us support you. We're in this together with you!

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