Too lonely

I'm really struggling with feelings of loneliness and exclusion right now. It may seem somewhat trivial at first. I mean, I spent four days (4th-8th) with my friends, and now I'm whining about being alone. But now that I'm away from them, I realize how inessential I am to their lives. Even when we hang out together, we have little to no interaction (playing video games, watching movies, etc.). Plus, they smoke marijuana, which I do not (anymore, thankfully), and so evry so often they exclude me by default. But tonight they excluded my by choice. They always have some half-a$$ed excuses for why I can't hang out with them ("We're going to the movies, and you don't have money:; "Only so many people are allowed over tonight"; etc., etc.). But what it always boils down to, what their essential message is with all the frills removed is "You're not an integral part of our group, so we don't need you / can't fit you in."

Again, this may seem somewhat trivial. But being back at home for the summer really takes a toll on me, and I need distractions to get by with my sanity intact. I go from having intense structure in my life at college (stressful, but mostly in a good way) to having absolutely no structure back at home. No matter how hard I try, I can't find a job. Plus when at home, old patterns of behavior--bad patterns of behavior--reemerge from me, especially old patterns of thinking linked with Borderline Personality Disorder, which I'm generally able to control. So my loneliness right now is blown totally out of proportion according to my feelings. While I rationally know that it's not that bad, it feels like the end of the earth.

Sorry for whining, I just need to vent.

- J -

its ok Der... you are dealing with a lot of pressures... its great you can distinguish the different environmental dynamics... have faith in yourself.... i believe you can make it...

(((((((((( Der_Sohn_Des_Leides ))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are having a hard time, your experiences don't seem trivial to me. I understand how hard it can be to not fit in with your friends anymore.

((((((((((((((((((((((((der sohn)))))))))))))))))))))

thinking of you ...... not too many words right now, but you do have us to lean on ...... Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

(((((((((((((( der sohn ))))))))))))))

So sorry your feeling lonely, it's one of the toughest feelings I think.
My thoughts are with you and I'm sorry that I can't offer anything more.

Molly

Thanks for your support everyone. (((((hugs)))))

I've just been trying to keep myself as occupied as possible to keep my mind distracted. I've been doing some reading for my thesis I'm going to be writing in the fall, and took a long walk today, which helped clear my head a bit. I just hope I can get out of the house tonight and hang out with some people.

Thanks again, everyone!



J

People don't seem to understand that while they think of free time as an oportunity we only see the loneliness.

In our attempts to fill that void old habits re-emerge. They are familiar and they are comforting and for the most part automatic.

I'm so glad you were able to move in a productive way today. Not everyday may be as good but now you know that it is possible.

Best of luck