[Mouse_]

I thought my husband the last week or so had been distant, fed up. I begun to shut down because of this until today he asked me what was wrong? I said I've been wondering the same thing about you? we nearly rowed, but managed to keep the conversation going.

After we talked his account actually started to ring true, he noticed a change in me as long ago as I first started struggling with depression and telling T about how I feel like life has lost its meaning.

I guess I am shocked at how I convinced myself that I on the outside looked the same but it was my hubby that was down, fed up, depressed?

We talked and I said eventually about how its not anythign to do with him, its me, its therapy, its voices in my head. But now I feel under pressure to be "happy", he said if I want to leave I can, I'm 46 work p/t in a shop and have 3 children, where the %#@&#! am I going to go? thats how he feels I am, that I want to go. Now I feel afraid that perhaps I do? perhaps if I Had more confidence, finances I would, but this is also alien to me, I thought everything was ok, yeah I get fed up at times, %#@&#! we've been married 23yrs.

Right now I feel pressured, I dont want to have to smile, unyet I feel if I can't pull out of this he will leave..his basically a good bloke, but it seems my depression isnt' something his going to tolerate...wow this kind of stuff really helps with depression!..I keep trying to smile but the heavyness just pulls me down again, I can' t find that spark, I just want to lie down in a dark room and stay there for life...how would I feel if my hubby was like this? if the shoe was on the other foot? I dunno, I guess it is hard on those around us? I've never thought about, always thought I wore a good mask, but it appears I dont.

I feel in a very unfamilar place right now, afraid that my depression isn[t going to lift...want hubby to know I do care about him, but I just can't show it right now...oh %#@&#!, this is to much pressure! this feels like hell on earth right now.

[ECHOES]

((( Mouse )))

[nowheretorun]

i hope your husband can find patience Mouse... what you are going thru is very hard... i am hoping you will also have caring, gentle and loving patience with yourself while you pass thru this.. you are right, you are going to make it and it is a bumpy ride at times... take breaks when you can so you dont overstress but work towards the goals too.... im cheering for you!

[Fuzzybear]

((((( Mouse )))))

((((((((((((((((((Mouse)))))))))))))))))))

I too hope he finds patience sweetie ..... depression is hard enough, like you say, without feeling like you're on some sort of trial ..... maybe you could ask him to come to therapy with you? Or read up on depression? I know my hubby finds it hard, but he has a coucellor who comes to the house to help with any questions or problemshe has to deal with ..... My own mind tells me they are all getting sick of me, but that is the depression lying to me apparently .... some days its so hard .... wishing you love and best wishes, you're never alone, keep reaching out Mouse ..... you are a wonderful, supportive person yourself, you deserve patience .....lots of hugs, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

[dev123]

Hi

I want to discuss the dipression problem
and remedy

There are 5 kind of persons in the world

1. Theoretical/emotional( mostly unbalanced)

Ist child of mother is often theoretical
and mostly vulnerable to depression

2. Practical

IInd child of mother is often practical

3. Balanced( only 2% in the world)

4. Mixture

3rd child of mother is often Mixture and most successful

5. Extraordinary(0.1% in theworld)

Problem of dipression?

1. anger to any one
2. not able to mix with someone
3. friends comments
4. not complete your wish
5. not able to explore yourself, your feelings remain in your heart



Remedy:

1. get love from your mother/girlfriend
sleep in lap of your mother/girlfriend
2. go in the lonely room , close the door
a) weep as much as you can
b) shout and abuse some one who want to hurt you as much as you can
c) take your tounge out and move your head like mad person and shout your feelings out of your body, move your head and shout and do boxing with wall, do all the activities like mad person as your heart says and express your feelings out from your body
d) now you will feel relax and your anger will be cool

Live Life as God keeps you
He does right every thing , may There is benefit for you

bye take care

yours dev

[Mouse_]

Thank you for the replys.

I dunno, I'm feeling completely different ot how I thought I would feel today and during the night. I've tried to quit taking AD's before but within 10mins of making that decision I've convinced myself I won't be able to sleep without them and all sorts of scary things out there in the big world I won;'t be able to bear without chemical help of the AD's, but realising how depressed I have been the past month made me get real honest with myself last night and quit thge %#@&#! pills. How did I sleep? I woke up about every 2hrs and felt a bit nervy but there was another feeling there also, a kind of natural peace, something I have not experienced in yr,s as I believe my AD's dictate a lot of your functions, such as sleep now, wake now, yawn all day, feel agitated but have no energy to do anthing about it but sit and stir in your own hell...

I woke this morning went to work, waited for the big dark cloud of yesterdays discussion wtih hubby to hit, and it didn't. What did hit was the realisation that It takes 2 to be in a relationship and whta my husband was trying to commuincate to me was his pain at my emotional absence, I mean he almost cried at one point yesterday, woudl a man who didnt care do that?

It kinda of reminds me of the relationship I have with T where we talk and become aware of each other in that room, I guess this is the first time I've been able to apply this to life outside of the therapy room..

Somethign inside of me was woken up yesterday, that I am not completely powerless to do something, do I want a life where I am never available in any area of my life? isnt life so much richer when we share ourselfs wtih another? This is what my husband was trying to do wtih me yesterday, he wasn't critising me or condeming me as such, he was telling me of his pain.

I've always reacted in an aggressive manor in the past, or thought the world as i know is about to end, but this time? I dont feel like that, I feel mroe postiive now, I feel like all the practising i've been doing in T is working for me now. I needed a mirror and my husband mirrored how I've been for the last few weeks. I dont want to live life in a black hole, yes on one hand it feels easier, hiding out in my depression, but I think now I'm strong enought to take that extra step and meet him some of the way. Yes thats it, I've always had this feeling that someone had to do all the walking to me if they didnt then I would throw them away, but now I can meet someone half way, its called being an adult I think?

I'm glad yesterday happened, its a warning sign of a life I seemed to be walking into blindfolded.

[nowheretorun]

((Mouse ))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((mouse)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are one of the people on this site I look up to and listen to ...... you are wise and i kind of understand where you are coming from .... thankyou for posting this, it's made me look at my relationship in a different way too ..... love you, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo