Has anyone been in this situation...

Basically, I'm looking for that feeling of not being the only one.

I keep screwing up at work and I feel that I'm going to be fired at any second now (even though I'm unionized). For the record, I've had six jobs in my life (including my current one) and I have been fired from three of them (the first three) and almost fired from my current one when I started working here five years ago, but my former boss (who has since left the company) gave me a second chance.

Here's the thing... I work with people, in very close proximity. Not my co-workers (I actually don't work with them directly), but the company's clients. Generally, I'm really friendly, but depending on my mood (which can swing quite violently within one day) I can be calm and quiet, impatient and rude, inattentive and distracted or super-hyper and talkative (I'm not bi-polar for the record. Sometimes I just get into those moods).

The problem is that I've been getting a lot complaints from clients (my boss receives them and relates them to me). They've said (rightfully, most of the time) that I belittle them, that I'm impatient, that I talk too fast or they just don't 'click' with me.

Today, my boss told me about some new complaints. I kept my composure in front of him, but I felt so humiliated and embarassed. I spent the entire afternoon crying and debating whether I should quit or not, or even take more drastic measures... (you know what they are).

When I came home from work I went straight to bed, leaving my purse and bags in the car, I didn't care if anyone broke into it and stole anything), and cried myself to sleep. I slept for a good two hours. I feel a little better now, meaning I don't feel like 'off-ing' myself, but the shame and sense of failure is still there.

I'm not in therapy currently (I'm on a waiting list) and I don't have any professionals to talk to.

I don't want to leave my job because I'm going back to school full-time and I love my company's highly flexible hours, plus I've worked my way up to a fairly decent salary that I wouldn't get at another entry-level position.

I feel like such a failure. Why do I keep screwing up like this? I don't seem to be able to deal with people. Like they're repulsed by me and can't stand to be around me. The additional problem is that many of our clients are 'big-wigs' in town (in the business world) and I feel like I'm going to get a negative reputation that could hurt me down the line (even though my future career is not in business). I've even avoided many of their businesses because I'm ashamed of myself.

I'm not going to talk to my boss about my problems because I really don't trust him, plus he couldn't disclose my depression to the clients to explain my behavior anyway.

So my questions to you are:

Do any of you struggle with work?

Has your condition caused you to lose your job?

Do you feel like you are destined not to be a people-person because you can't control your mood?

I'm sorry to hear about your hard day at work.....but glad to hear you're feeling a little better.

Work sucks for sure. I have attendance issues with my job and always feeling like I'm letting someone down and not doing my best.

It sounds like you may not be in the best position.....but I understand there are benefits to this particular job. The thing is we all have things that we are great at and things that we're not so great at. You have several options.....but the key is to know your strengths. At your current position you can strive to learn from past mistakes and try to become more of a "people's" person.....but most importantly know what you already bring (this prospective can help you feel better & do better).

Or you can find a position that better fits you & your strengths. You may have to start over but your ability to grow and achieve success will be a lot greater....and it might also make you feel better. I like to think that there is a perfect opportunity for us all & it's just a matter of identifying and having the courage & confidence to go after it.

It will be okay....just remember you are full of greatness! Before you talk to your boss make a list of all of your strengths.....it will make the conversation a lot more positive & leave you both feeling better.

Love & Peace!

Thanks for answering!

I'm really trying to learn from my mistakes. Like realizing that any negative feeling I have at one moment won't last forever, so I can't take it out on my clients. I'm also trying to identify my stressors, so I can deal with them before it affects my performance.

I think the main problem is that I expect 100% from myself 100% of the time. Being good 80%, or even 99% of the time isn't enough, so I will minimize what I have done well and dwell on what I haven't achieved. Plus, I have a hard time with rejection. I want to be liked by everyone.

The fact is, I'm only staying at this job for the flexibility and the salary. I lost my passion a long time ago, and most of my colleagues know I hate my job, but I stay anyway.

I'm going to do what you suggested-- make a list of my strengths. Hopefully it will re-ignite my confidence and trust in myself!

I'm sure you have a better job than I do, But I'm always so concerned that I'm going to be fired for something I didn't do, or something I did, or even something I didn't know about. My boss keeps saying how I have these terrible moodswings and outbursts of anger and it's starting to %#@&#! people off. And the other day I had to switch positions with someone and I felt like such a failure that someone whos lower than me had to do my station

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tavares7 said:
I'm sure you have a better job than I do, But I'm always so concerned that I'm going to be fired for something I didn't do, or something I did, or even something I didn't know about.

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Actually, that's pretty much the situation I'm in also. Sometimes my moods get me into trouble, sometimes they don't, so I never know if I've pushed the envelope too far, you know?

I think that's the scariest part-- not knowing what's going to happen. Maybe it has something to do with not trusting ourselves, with not believing in ourselves. Sometimes something comes completely out of left field, meaning I'm shocked that someone disliked the way I acted because on the surface they seemed to enjoy themselves which just causes me to lose more faith in myself and my abilities.