Repetition Compulsion: Or, multiple affairs to stave off the pain of depression?

Great! So you were drawn to something that really made everything worse? I guess a lot of addictions are like that. This is great though that you feel better stopping. I don't think that folks with other addictions feel that much better after stopping unless something else occurred at the same time to enable them to cope better?

Well, it was never about love or even sex...it was about not feeling anxious, about not feeling depressed...and about constant adoration to modify my default self-effacing personality (at best) and self-loathing (at worst). How are you doing made up name?

Peter

Just self-destructive depressive behavior...just not typical for major depression...made it hard to help with the diagnosis and to help others see that I really am depressed, not bipolar or a sex addict.... And to help myself see that too...

I am not much into diagnosis. I think that people need to work on their issues, this is what is going to get them better.

I agree. Diagnosis is really about insurance company reimbursement...

Just an additional bit of info...my first depressive episode ten years was so painful that I self medicated with narcotics and couldn't get out of bed for 6 months...just saying... Didn't (at least consciously) want to go through that again...

Hi Peter, so it sounds like you don't fully understand why you are where you are with your mental health?

I know were I am with the depression and anxiety; just working on the history and etiology of my psyche to prevent it from ever happening again. And to adaptively deal with thoughts rather than act out on them. I'm actually in a pretty good place this week...analysis is getting deeper and more productive.... There will be good days and bad days and delusions and illusions, but right now I'm just putting one (mental foot) in front of the other.... Plus, the medication is finally starting to work.

And I'm not sure I've ever asked: How are you doing and what exactly have you or are you struggling with fake name person?

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Hcab_Tep said:
fake name person?

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Is this your attempt to take my anonymity to an extreme?

As for me, I have been working on my mental health for the last 30 years (I'm 44). (Things didn't start improving quickly until I got my first therapist 20 years ago) I was anxious. The issues that I had to work on were personal boundaries, self-worth, empowerment, taking control over my life, understanding my feelings (this is all that I can think of right now). I did on and off therapy as needed for ten years with a few different therapists. I have been working on myself since then without a therapist. Now I am working on lightening up when with friends, trying to learn to laugh more easily and relax and to get some closer friends. My issues started because of my self-centered mom. She actually has all of the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am happily married with 2 children. I have a Master's in Social Work but I am a stay-at-home mom.

When I read your posts I get the feeling that you intellectualize without owning and really feeling and experiencing it? We have an acquaintance who is a PhD psychology professor. She can do research on psychology but she has never applied any of it to her life.

Having a "made up name" is the norm here, just as you have your screen name too. It is especially beneficial for such a site as this which is for mental health support. It might actually appear to be unsupportive by calling attention to someone's need to have a made up name, you know?

PC does have a forum for discussion of sexual affairs and problems. I think it was made as much to help people find other people who have similar issues as to keep such talk out of the general forums so as not to trigger other members.

Depression is hurtful, for sure. It tells those it inflicts all sorts of lies about themselves and others and what others think about them. It certainly can manifest itself through physical affairs with others, in an attempt to disprove the lies or in fact to try and convince oneself of the truth of not being good enough (one of the lies it tells.)

TC

Really being unfair to me. I was good naturedly joking about your name. I am only using my name to remove the stigma of mental illness that people seem to feel. I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway...and by the way...this is a support groups, and I could do without your "support" if it is going to consist of aggressive armchair psychologizing. Either ignore me, or support me, but I am in the midst of a major depression and I need support, not abuse. I meant absolutely no offense at all; I'm sorry you misinterpreted. Depending on the thoughts of the rest of the group, I will leave the forum and the site if they so wish.

Take care,

Peter

I am so glad you are having a better week Peter. I hope your work with your t continues to help you heal.

BB

Thanks, B.P.

Best,

P.B.

Hello and welcome!

I also wasted time (for me) in CBT and am now in pscychoanalytic therapy. It isn't strict, Freudian with the couch and invisible threrapist, and she does talk a bit more than just interpretations and associations. It is the most rewarding therapy and I love it.

I think you have visited us (and our vaired therapies and therapists) on the Psychotherapy forum too and I'm glad you have been there and I hope you will come back often.

Thanks so much, Echoes. I'm looking forward to some productive discussions with you.

Best,

PSB

No problem Peter. If I don't like something I will mention it to whoever. It's no big deal. I would want anyone to mention anything like this to me too. Open communication is much better than not mentioning things.

Armchair psychoanalyzing, huh. I take help where ever I can get it. I haven't started a post here yet but I could at any time. When I am having an issue, I like all the feedback that I can get. Let me know how much feedback that you really want from me.

I am only trying to help. I know how hard it is to want to get better but to not have the correct info available.

In pain today...going "cold turkey," as it were...has let the pain of the depression hit full force.

Peter, how are you today?

Starting to reexperience-full force-all the symptoms the psychiatrist told me I had been trying to avoid;hoping the meds hold and trying to keep the 'others' who I've hurt away from me and my family. In other words: a tremendously dreadful day! And you, my friend?

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Hcab_Tep said:
Starting to reexperience-full force-all the symptoms the psychiatrist told me I had been trying to avoid;

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You can do it Peter! Facing fears, feelings, whatever is much easier than avoiding them.

Me, well my kids have about one week before school starts. My 7 year old is very sensitive and she is getting quite moody because she is nervous about starting school. Our county is a bedroom community which is growing quite rapidly. They have built another elementary school which my children will now be attending (new school jitters).

Letting myself be 'comfortable' with feeling uncomfortable has always been easier said than done. I am sure the new school jitters will work themselves out- presently

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Hcab_Tep said:
Letting myself be 'comfortable' with feeling uncomfortable has always been easier said than done.

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Ahhh, yes, but you can learn new ways of being, especially if you stop and face it like you are doing now. Monsters always seem scarier when you are running from them and if you just stop and face them they shrink back down to their proper size.

Yes, the jitters will work themselves out and in the meantime I need to be patient with her moodiness!

Indeed. You are wise. Thanks very much.

Good Morning Peter, for your own privacy I will not ask you every day how you are doing but will let you post as you see fit (unless you want me to!)

swimming with it not against it! And it helps that you ask-if I didn't want anyone to know then I wouldn't be doing/sharing this in public~