Bad dreams, grief, and other things

<font color="purple"> Man, I should stop napping 'cause I swear they only give me creepy dreams. Anyways, in this dream, I had gotten an invitation to some memorial. Apparently it was a girl from my old school (who I didn't know) I don't remember what she did, but she ended up with some horrible disease that wasted her body away over the course of five weeks. During this, they showed a picture of what she looked like originaly, and then after the first week, second week etc, all the way up to her 5th and final week, along with snippets from her diary she kept at the time. Each week she became more pale, her hair more thing and stragly, her body looked emaciated as her skin became more wrinked. In the end she looked so... like an old lady almost, some sentence below it described how she had come to terms with her fate. I woke up with a gasp.

It made me wonder how my old friends back at my previous school were doing. I wanted to call them, even though I havn't seen any of them in 5 years...just to see how they are doing, make sure that they weren't dead. This lead me back to the thought of my classmate, who killed himself this spring after getting into a fight with his father. The pictures at his wake, his family, how everyone at school was there, the dead silence, the tears. I don't grieve like other people, in the sense that I don't mourn at all. I think back and try to feel sad like most people do...but I don't. Even when I found out the news that he died...I wasn't sad. After mulling about that, my mind returned to the thought that I had the following days after his death:

If someone that everyone in the school hated died...would they cry?

The kid who killed himself, he was a well-known guy, always happy, smiling even. He had alot of friends who would laugh and joke together. But...if someone that had only one or two friends, and who everyone else claimed whould cheer if they died...if they were to kill themselves...would other people mourn?

Then my thought looped to "if I killed myself, would the other kids mourn?" of course they would. I'm not prom queen or anything, but I'm a well-known and loved person in school, and I'm happy that it was so easy to slap a suicidal thought like that out of me.

So, I decided to mke this post...
And put it under depression, because I don't know where else it would go.</font>

((((((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))))))

Sounds like a bad dream indeed. I think it's pretty normal for people to wonder about who would go to their funeral if they died, who would be upset and all that... it's not a pleasant thought by any means, but sometimes it can help to realize that we're important in the lives of so many people around us - even if we sometimes don't always feel that way.

I hope the rest of your dreams tonight (if you're asleep right now, which is where I should be - lol) are pleasant.

<font color="purple"> I havn't been remembering my dreams once I wake up lately (which by all means is a very rare thing for me) I had another dream were my teeth fell out, but other then that...I just have to assume they were nice because if they were bad then I would remember them. </font>