[Christina86]

When your ability to cope is outweighed by the stresses...
When you break down several times over a few days...
If you feel you have no time to breathe...
If your health is going out the window very quickly...
If you feel you have no time to do anything for yourself...
And if you feel like you're going crazy...

You're probably in a situation like me. I have no time to breathe. I have no time to relax. I should be doing a hundred other things rather than posting this. But for some reason, I have to do this.

I had a complete sobbing breakdown last night... the whole anxiety & couldn't breathe and drowning in tears...

And it wasn't fun. It wasn't pleasurable. It just made me acutely aware of what I'm doing to myself.

I'm too stressed out. I'm student. I'm only taking ONE class right now... but it's everything else right now that's really killing me.

Like saying goodbye to friends again. Three people... one for a year, one for two ... and the other one... who even knows. I'm overburdened with my responsibilities.

I need to work on boundaries. Learning to say "no". But it's hard.

I was told that I should only be relying on God and not others to always be there. Which realllllllllly made me unhappy. I worked so hard to be comfortable expressing myself and asking for help... now I'm told that's not right?

I want a hug. I want someone to tell me how to make it through this right now. I have no T right now. Nobody to talk to. I feel totally utterly alone. Abandoned. Like I deserve everyone always leaving me. Which is how I feel, whether this is right or not.

I just can't cope right now. I have too much to do. It's my fault though I guess. I can't plan.

All I know... is that if I can survive until September 2nd without hurting myself or drinking myself into an oblivion... I'll consider it a success. Which makes me so sad.

All of my friends IRL aren't there right now. They're all sick of me complaining. I am trying. I think I am anyways. I don't even know. I just feel trapped. Trapped again by my stupid life problems.

All I want to do is sleep right now. But I can't, I have a group to run in 1.5 hours. This afternoon I see one friend, for the first time in months... and who knows when I'll see him again.

My life is too complicated. Now if I could just make the headache stop, the acid reflux stop, if I could stop grating my teeth and if I could actually sleep appropriately at night... I'd feel a little bit better. But I don't know how to.

How can I have workaholic tendancies like this ... I'm a procrastinator, I know it. But I *always* do this... I've always got to be doing something...

but this is too much.

I wish I could cry right now. Or pass off responsibilities to others. But I don't know how to even do that.

[pegasus]

Can you turn the thinking round a little bit,

You are lucky to be at university, some of us never had the chance.

You are lucky to have friends, some of us don't have any. Any friends you do have, it has been a previlige to know them and saying goodbye doesn't have to mean the end.

You have lots of responsibilities but maybe someone somewhere recognizes how good you are!

Start learning to say no, be assertive and start to look after your own needs.

I know some of this may sound harsh but I'm trying to shove you in the right direction, do some self care otherwise you aint going to be any good for anyone!!

Go do it!

All said with love and care.

[Christina86]

((((((((((((pegasus))))))))))))))))))

You are very wonderful. And thanks.

Sometimes I need a good swift kick... and although that wasn't quite that... it was in a good direction.

Thanks for reading my rant you... it does mean a lot.

[RozG]

((((((((Christina))))))))

i'm not wise at giving advice....just wanted you to know i did read this and do care.

peace, love and care to you,
roz
xx

((((( Christina )))))

Don't really have any advice, sorry, but I read this and I do care. Take care of yourself because you matter and you're a cool person.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((Roz)))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((Vince)))))))))))))))))

Just the fact that you two read this means more to me than advice. I'll make it through somehow ... I've got to, since I guess people care about me?

(Sometimes for the life of me, I really wonder about that IRL)

But you're both pretty cool.

[Sannah]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Christina86 said:
I was told that I should only be relying on God and not others to always be there. Which realllllllllly made me unhappy. I worked so hard to be comfortable expressing myself and asking for help... now I'm told that's not right?

How can I have workaholic tendancies like this ... I'm a procrastinator, I know it. But I *always* do this... I've always got to be doing something...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hi Christina, I think that we need each other......

I used to always have to be doing something. I called it nervous energy. It is exhausting. Have you ever considered doing yoga or relaxation exercises?

[nowheretorun]

((Chrisitna)))))))

you are a child of the universe, like no other... be kind to your gentle loving soul..... we need you...

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))

[Typo]

((((((((((((Christina))))))))))

Lots and Lots of hugs for you. I know how you feel, things will get better they just take time. Keep posting hun, let it all out.
You are strong and I know you can make it.
I am here anytime you need to talk feel free to pm and I will listen.

Lots of love
Silver

[kebsfroggy]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Christina86 said:
I want a hug. I want someone to tell me how to make it through this right now. Nobody to talk to. I feel totally utterly alone. Abandoned. Like I deserve everyone always leaving me. Which is how I feel, whether this is right or not.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



You mean so much to everyone here. Your kindness and caring support are so much a part of you.

When you need us we are here to listen.

((christina))))))))))))))))
please know i care
things can be so overwleming at times
your not alone here
you are such a good person and friend ty
muffy

[dibs33427]

((((((((christina))))))))
dont give up the fight you are worth it, we are all worth it.
in my job i felt a little like yourself. until that is i picked up a book. it was so informative and helped me to manage my time more appropriatly
the book was called "when the manager met the monkey"
now without going into to it too much it was a bit of a boring read but wow what a result,
it was about delegating, in other words not taking on other peoples jobs, in this book jobs are so called monkeys
if someone comes to you with a little problem you think they can solve themselves its simply not your monkey. if you take on that monkey it weighs down on your shoulders. take on a few of the others monkeys and you will have no room left for your own monkey.
moral is try to carry only your monkeys that way you will have less to cope with and be able to pay more attention to your monkeys before that get too fat and push down on you.
perhaps one day we will be online at the same time and be able to chat in real time. i once carried to many monkeys and had a break down.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Sannah)))))))))))))))

Nervous energy... makes sense.

I'd find it hard to do yoga, probably because I have a wheelchair. But what do you do for relaxation exercises?

Thanks for responding.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((((NWTR)))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))))

thanks for the hugs and support both of you.

[Christina86]

((((((((((((((((Silver))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((Kebs)))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((muffy)))))))))))))))))))



Thanks for the hugs and love and support .

[Christina86]

((((((((((dibs)))))))))))))))
That sounds like a fun book, and I love to read - so I'll go check it out! Thank you so much. I do need to learn to delegate and say "no" more often.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Wondering how you are doing today. Thinking of you.

BB

[Christina86]

(((((((((BB)))))))))))))))) You are so SWEET!

I'm ... alive.

I haven't done much. Mostly sleeping, which is how I (ineffectively and stupidly) deal with stress and anxiety. Really bad, but I can't seem to help it. I'm not dealing with stress the best.

Tomorrow/today I'm saying hello/goodbye to a friend I haven't seen in a year. Then he's gone for ANOTHER year ... and I won't see him until after that (maybe). I love him, so this is probably going to hurt a lot.

Beyond that... did I mention I don't deal well with stress?

Trying to take care of myself. Forgetting to eat sometimes. Forgetting to take my ADs once or twice. Forgetting all the things I *should* be doing, and aren't.

But I'm still alive. Just need to survive until about September 2nd. Which seems like forever away.

Oh well, at least I'm not resorting to bad coping mechanisms (minus the sleeping and erratic eating).

[nowheretorun]

(((Christina))))) you are dealing with a lot and it would challenge the sturdiest person... please dont over criticize self or have too high expectations of self.. we each need to move at the safest speed for ourselves.. you are trying (maybe too hard at times?) and thats what counts... give yourself patience.. we cant possibly be the person we want to be til it is time ... you can make it, little by little.. keep the little light burning

((((Christina))))

...and when it's time to be that person nowheretorun mentioned, that person could be someone completely different than expected...so much better than expected.

Try to relax a bit. Take deep breaths. Walk a way to gather your thoughts if you need to.

We're here for you.

I hope today is better for you.