not suitable for adult life

Let me face it: I'm not equipped for adult life.
It is pretty clear, I'm approaching my 40s I absolutely have no emotional fitness to face the hard facts of life. As a consequence, a flood of disgrace will fall upon me more and more every day.
It is simply great when you are going to face something that you can not face, and that will crunch you. And it will come, no matter what.
Things will happen, ready or not. In the movies the star reacts some way, and finally overcomes hardships, finding himself strenghtened. That is just fiction. Normal people MAY do that, but they are more likely to be crushed and thrashed.
"what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" is just crap to write in candies. What doesn't kills me, wounds me... and leaves me there moaning. Like a soldier begging for morphine that will not come.
More over, there is no mercy for people like me. I am not mature, I just must be eliminated. One simply is not allowed to be weak. It is natural selection after all, that is how nature works, how could I criticize mother nature? I only would like it was not that slow and painful.
People like me are just like slow persons in a hurried crowd: they get shoved and pushed and stomped upon.

Well, that's all folks. Thank you for being there and listening.

Zivijo, my dear M.. Why don'you post here sometimes? We all need your wit and intelligence.

I'm not equipped for adult life either and yet I'm expected to be. I'm expected to be wonderful and great at all times. It's just not possible my friend.

As for wit and intelligence you have much of that.

(((((((((((((( Stefano )))))))))))))))
It isn't possible to be wonderful all the time because we're human

Dear Stefano,

Living in this world in very hard sometime and since we need money to survive we have to face society. We have to fight because society is harsh and the competition is high and powerful.

I also do get crush down, hurt and doing my next step is very often so hard to do.

You are intelligent Stefano and I know you are having a difficult time but you are not a disgrace. People have a tendency to judge others without looking at themselves first. Everybody deserves respect.

It's true that society is always in a hurry but in a hurry for what? It's because we are always in a hurry that we don't see what life is all about. It is the ones who takes their time to see and feel life that are going to make it. It is the ones who takes their time to respect that are going to find peace and harmony.

It is someone like you that I would chose to have as a friend.

The one thing my parents were more right than they could have ever imagined about was the fact that I was not "emotionally ready" to go away to school at 16. (I sometimes wonder about that line of theirs, wonder if perhaps they realized, on some level, that I needed help, and just couldn't bring themselves to offer it.) But anyhow, four years later, it becomes more apparent to me every day how fragile I am, how unequipped I am for dealing with failure.

But then, many things in life you can never be ready for. Doctors go through years and years of training... but after all that time, when they have the first patient where THEY are fully in charge... it's a shock. No matter how much they know, no matter how prepared they are, they can't be ready. Being a parent, I think, is the same. You can prepare... you can read every book, you can practice caring for other kids... but there is something different about doing it for real.

Life itself is like that... with all the preparation in the world, you never really become ready for the hardest things in life until you are doing them. You become ready because you don't have another choice. And the tough thing is... sometimes that doesn't happen. Sometimes you're as prepared as you can be, but when the time comes you can't rise to meet the challenges life throws at you. You fall.

But even after knowing this, after experiencing so many times the failures, the crashes where you should have succeeded... you have to pretend that you don't remember that you have failed yourself before. You have to find some way to convince yourself that next time, life won't beat the crap out of you. Next time you'll be ready.

And that is what sucks so very much about this whole ******* thing. The depressed are not always less capable than other people. But they are so acutely aware of their own weaknesses that they are crippled by them.

In fact, it's been said that we see ourselves more clearly than others can, but that is no skill, no victory. Seeing things "clearly" comes at the price of the lack of a psychological immune system... the system that is supposed to cloud our memories of our failures, remind of us of our successes, and give us the will to keep going and to believe we can, even in the face of stacks of contradictory evidence.

sorry, I'm tired, I'm not even making sense to myself... please forgive my babble

(((Stefano)))

It is good to hear from you ... we don't see you nearly enough.

I understand what you have written. I'm sorry you are feeling down tonight.

I think that we do gain strength from the challenges we overcome in this life.
At 40, I wasn't sure. Now, a couple of years older, I accept that on the basis that my own life is increasingly easier to cope with, in spite of the difficulties, which seem like more severe experiences to me.

So, there is hope yet, yes?

Peace and Love,
night
xoxoxo

Yes, there is hope. We say "hope dies as the very last". We italians. If I was to bet my money on that, I would not definitely. But you are right anyway.

Let's say it clearly: that awareness is a curse.
Thank you fro replying Keelium and for babbling so nicely

As I read through these messages, I am touched deeply by the caring, the wisdom that each of you have. Each one of us fills a spot on this earth - there is only one you, only one me. Some of us choose not to "grow up" - why grow up when it seems futile? My body is growing older, but my spirit stays young. The adult life is over-rated sometimes. To have the innocence of youth, looking for the best in each person - trusting them to be their best, looking at things in a new way... like it was the very first time... the awe. Taking to time to reflect...perhaps people would be more sensitive if they would slow down and took the time - I don't know. But what I do know is that you are suitable for life. Live life the best that you can Stefano - you are worth it.
Einna

You are deeply right, Einna. Unfortunately there is a world out there that says that writing poetry is childish and futile, while hammering iron to make nails is serious and meaningful. It's hard.
And of course, if you can sell your poetry, it becomes serious!

Stefano
When all of us were growing up there was no manual on what life would be like.
Life is hard at times . I am not going to disagree with you on that. And no this is not like the movies.......
But there is always hope....you wait for the darkness to pass hold onto alittle bit of the light and you will come threw it
. In my thoughts there is no normal. We are all different and specail. If you are writting all of it is a gift....
sending you some peace ...............kind man
muffy