nothing I do is worth anything

nothing I do matters. I don't get many good things happening to me, but when they do they're never allowed to be special... they're taken away from me I'm not allowed to be happy

((((((((((((((molly)))))))))))))) what happened? what was taken away? you know you deserve good things and deserve to be happy, you just need to believe it.

You are worth a lot.

Why do you feel these things are being taken away from you?

It's just the stupidest littlest things. If something makes me happy... I'm not allowed to be happy... I just shared something that made me happy with someone and it wasn't a big thing, but it meant so much to me because it gave me the chance to be happy. But, the other person made it feel like it wasn't important at all, didn't comment on it and just said, yes every animal does that. WELL SO WHAT IF EVERY ANIMAL DOES THAT! It made me feel special and happy and wanted... and it happens all the time, anything that makes me happy is never important.
I just want things to feel happy and special about and I want to be able to share them.

I'm just being spoilt

I wasn't bothered if the person commented on it or not, I just didn't want that happiness taken away from me. And now I'm being punished, I'm being ignored by this person because I'm hurt, so I'm now I'm hurting more,

It is so hard when we let other peoples responses--or lack of response--dictate how we feel. I'm very guilty of that even though I know better. I hate the saying "no one can 'make' you feel a certain way--you 'let' them", but I know it's true. I used to run into that which you are describing with my daughter and sister. When my daughter was little, I would call my sister and say "Tori just found her toes, it's so cute" and I would get the "uh-huh, all kids eventually do find their toes. Did you think she wouldn't?" At first it infuriated me, then I realized it is so indicative of how she's treated me my whole life and Tori was only going to be a baby for a short time, so she can have her negative thoughts, I'll have my happy ones. It is so incredibly hard to do, but we have to let our enthusiasm for whatever it is you are happy about outshine their indifference. I suppose if someone called me and said "my plant just got a flower on it!" and was very happy, I may be like, "alrighty" unless I knew it was a special plant or something--I guess we all never know what might be important to someone else. You hold onto your enthusiasm and happiness, don't let anyone elses response to it dictate how you'll feel, and remember they may not have done it to deflate you (and if they did, show them you are stronger than that). I rambled, sorry~!

No you didn't ramble ((((cantstopcrying)))) thank you. Thank you so much.
Now you've put it that way, I understand, and I'll do my best to stay happy and not let it get to me. Unfortunately I've got myself into such a state now that I don't think I can be happy. It's one of these 'Molly's upset by boyfriend' moments again, which I'm sure everyone's tired of. Thing is, I can hear everyone in my head saying "Don't put up with it, break up with him"... but those people can't feel the love for him that I do. And at the moment we're not talking (or rather he's not talking... he never resolves anything, just runs away and makes me feel even worse) oh I'm babbling, I keep telling myself I won't mention him anymore here.
I'm just so depressed right now.... think it's time to go hunt for some ice cream or some chocolate, or a hug with my rabbits.

Molly

Mention him all you want honey, your feelings for him are causing you pain, so let it out. And let me know when you find that chocolate cuz someone ate all my M&M's while I was off Friday!

well you're welcome to share my chocolate

((((girlfriend))))))

dont give up, keep trying, you want happiness and contentment, what other way is there to get it than keep up hope? right now circumstances for you might seem to limit possibilities, but possibilities are not always limited.. sometimes we just need to open a new window and have a fresh view... what is appears real about today is not necessarily true for tomorrow... prepare for more happiness in your life.. if it isnt there with you in the present, begin to envision more happiness in your life at some point in your future... understand that there is a path to what you most want and be willing to go there.. it may not take the exact direction you planned, but it cant still work out in a favorable way for you... love and peace are things which all have a birthright too... dont let yourself be drowned.. best wishes always....

I sometimes feel just like and I think you should talk about and share all you want to here......... that is what this is for.

I have always thought that I don't desearve to be happy and that I am being punished for bad things that I have done.

I guess that we are in control of our happiness though....

I wish I had answers for you but I hope that it helps that you are not alone.

Juli

Thank you very much for that post nowheretorun. I really appreciate that.
Some of the things you've said, I plan to write out and put on my 'positive's board'
(((nowheretorun)))
Take care

Thank you Juli

I love how you have a vision board and think in terms of a positive board!

That is what I need to get cracking on ... a collage of what my healthy future might look like ... and I want to thank you for that helpful aide.

I do my gratitude journalling (when I remember to) at times when I need to appreciate this life a bit more, and that has always helped me form new and better attitudes in general ... so I can just imagine what committing myself to making a positive, visual board will do.


Peace and gratitude,
night

xoxo (taking a hug from your long smiley arms too)

I wasn't aware you did the journalling?
I am glad that it's helping you, I really am. You have really made me smile tonight... it's so nice hearing positive things.
I hope that you do try the positive/visual board and I hope it helps too

Take care ,
Molly

(and my long smiley arms are always there, for whenever you need or want them)

That's nonsense. Everything is taken away from everyone all the time. The only permanent thing is this universe is change. Unhappiness comes when you try to hold onto the impermanent things (like "good thing," as you say) thinking and hoping that they'll last. But they don't. This is the second noble truth that took the Buddha 30 something years to formulate, and look, you may have discovered it RIGHT NOW.

If you want to be happy, don't depend on things being in a certain configuration. Just be satisfied with where they are, even if they suck. It takes practice; start today!

(((((((((((((((( Molly )))))))))))))))))