[turquoisesea]

Everytime I say well... it can't get much worse can it? - it gets worse.
Everytime I seem to be going up I go crashing down again.

And the more crashes that happen the more dents remain which make the next crash even more difficult.
What's left anymore? Other than my boyfriend/our relationship I feel like I've lost everything.

Nothing seems to help... it only seems to ever get worse.

I don't know what to do anymore
and I don't want to face tomorrow

[mountainhigh]

Alot of folks are feeling the same way these days. I know I've been saying it for a few years now. It can't get any worse....and then it does. I don't even have a significant other to share the burden. But I have gotten some strength by trying to help out those in my community who are worse off then I am. It takes time but it has started to make my troubles a little easier to handle.

[turquoisesea]

All I do is hurt people too

At least you help people out like that

Originally Posted by mountainhigh

Alot of folks are feeling the same way these days. I know I've been saying it for a few years now. It can't get any worse....and then it does. I don't even have a significant other to share the burden. But I have gotten some strength by trying to help out those in my community who are worse off then I am. It takes time but it has started to make my troubles a little easier to handle.

[cantstopcrying]

Hugs to both of you. There are times when I feel like that, too. Why is it that you say all you do is hurt people?

[nowheretorun]

((turquoise))))) hope you're feeling a little better today, we all have days like that but you can do it... let us know how you're doing, k?

[turquoisesea]

every time I go down, I hurt the people around me by being down.
That's bad enough. Especially for my bf who sees everything.

But then - I just bailed on a job... leaving the people one person down and they can't find a replacement. Even worse... yesterday I had a panic attack and couldn't make it to another job - it was a music thing that was going to be recorded. that's REALLY bad.
I put my schedule down to an absolute low and even now I can't handle anything.
I hurt people by my very existence and I hate it -.-

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

Hugs to both of you. There are times when I feel like that, too. Why is it that you say all you do is hurt people?

[sorrel]

Panic attacks are hard to deal with. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

What would it mean to be kind to yourself?

[turquoisesea]

I just feel horrible that it happened on this....
the recording was for a cd, not just a student event. I hope they figured the balance out and stuff. but everyone invested lots of time and hope into the project and I let them down
I seem to do that all the time nowadays.

I guess your'e right in a way sorrel, it's a legitimate excuse... its really easy to say it doesn't count. Like, if Ihad been unable to get out of bed because I had a fever I wouldn't have felt quite as bad...

But I just care alot what I do to others, and what effect I had on them
and all i do is mess things up right now... and no outlook of getting better

Originally Posted by sorrel

Panic attacks are hard to deal with. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

What would it mean to be kind to yourself?

Also wanted to add thanks for everyone responding - I'm really frustrated so it might not seem like I appreciate it but I do *hugs*

[sorrel]

I'd say reason, rather than 'excuse'....

[turquoisesea]

you know sorrel, simple statement, but very true.
thanks

Originally Posted by sorrel

I'd say reason, rather than 'excuse'....

[sorrel]

'Excuse' can be such a self-critical and derogatory thing on yourself.

I know, because I had a college chaplain - my sole experience of ''counselling'' [not!] there... [long story, not for now, lol] ask me if something was actually an excuse, rather than a reason. That really hurt, because he'd no perception of how my past had damaged me beyond how I could at that point control.