[silver_moon]

A little while ago I was downstairs and my dad was watching a programme on TV... it covers a lot of things and today the happened to be talking about mental health.
They talked about mental health rapidly becoming one of the biggest reasons for being on sick leave and that it's hard to deal with because of the stigma around mental health.

Well.... my dad just went off on one so I don't know what the rest of the programme said... he started yelling at the TV when a woman who had cancer and then suffered from depression was talking, shouting "whimp" at the TV... saying "no, it's just a load of ****, grow up!" and "they're all pathetic"... this was only on for like a couple of minutes before he turned the channel over and threw the clicki (TV remote) across the room at the fireplace.
I stayed calm and quiet throughout this, I try and switch off when he gets like this... it hasn't really bothered me much though because I always knew he never cared etc and I'm 'used to' these kind of outbursts, be it at a member of family or the TV.
But, he then came upstairs and had a go at me... and I'm just upset 'cause... well.... it's just so hard with the little support I have anyway, but to have someone constantly putting you down too....

[nowheretorun]

((molly))) those are horrible feelings to have to deal with alone right now... i can only imagine how hard that is.. dad didnt have to be with me in my hard times, but he has been supportive since i revealed my past emotions..

i hope its helping to say your feelings here.. there are those who care and we are listening as best we are able... just writing your feelings is very helpful cause you've got them out and put somewhere besides inside you...

you wont always live with dad and he wont always be there to make this kind of atmosphere for you to deal with.. i understand about the male presence some and its hard when we have to deal with such strong characterizations and generalizations.. dont forget you have a right to your own... its hard having to remain silent when you know what you know..

[nightbird]

Yes, that is hard.

You probably realize that 'he' has triggers too, and maybe some form of mental issue going on. So many of our parents do, that has gone on their whole lives, undiagnosed.

It is you who something can be done for, you who do not have to remain a victim, at the whims of someone elses outbursts.

You can save money, right? You can figure out ways to get an income, which always makes us feel better, and those around us have a way of treating us better when they assign a monetary value to our days - as ridiculous as that is - it's a cultural dysfunction we share, even in families.

Ebay may be a good place to start, if you have to be home.

Hey, if you can carve out enough peace there, you could start your own little cottage business, or provide a service - something you are good at, from home... just tell the dad (with the big mouth) that they must be quiet ... for the time being when you are working.

Anyway, just an idea on how to get someone off your back while helping you get ahead!

Hope you are doing better today.

I send all positive thoughts your way, for a place of your own and a wonderful job sometime, and a terrific attitude to wake up with, as well as much love!!!!!

xoxoxoxoxox

[silver_moon]

thank you
I find it hard to write about my dad on here... I think that's the first time I've really said anything... scared to talk about most stuff.
I do think he has issues too... in fact I know! He grew up in a tough household (his father was made to work at Auschwitz during the war) and he had several brothers and sisters. We don't know much about his childhood, but know there were BIG issues with his dad. He now doesn't speak or see anyone from his family at all... he hasn't in years (for reasons I know of, but I believe there are other reasons too) and his mother being ill in this time has only complicated things more. But, I just find it difficult to understand sometimes that if he grew up in a horrible environment, why create that? I think he's in denial sometimes about depression... I believe he's depressed.

[nightbird]

Oh Silver, I think you hit the nail on the head.

Many people of that generation, with ties to such horrific history, have severe depressions. I imagine it is also too painful to see family after that time.

Is there a way you can talk to him about depression, without assigning this 'label' or diagnosis to him?

Sometimes, beginning a dialogue with someone like a parent, someone we love (and maybe even fear at times), can open up the eyes of understanding in such a way, we can appeal to them to be more gentle with themselves, and how their actions reflect their inner turmoil to others.
Just a hint, as I would do this only in the best circumstance, where it will be beneficial for both.

I might speak to my parents Dr., in private, about their yelling and screaming and ranking talks - which can not be good for their health whatsoever - and the Dr. can make sure he checks out some things next time he sees your Dad, or even get him in there sooner.

All in all, I hope things calm down somewhat.

Maybe you can buy a small windchime for outside the house or a special window, where your Dad sits at some point... it may calm him, and bring his attention to nature, outside.

Also, it helps to play healing music in the home, did you know that?

And a nice spray of lemon or oranges or lavender, ever so lightly, is calming also. You can even add some of these sprays to the bed linen laundry or directly spray the bed linens and curtains in Dad's (and yours) rooms.

These are calming, as well as fresh and clean scents ... only get naturals, not synthetics! Go to the health food store for them, or Trader Joe's has a great orange spray, so it cleans the air and leaves a wonderful scent only of a fresh cut orange.

The lavender also, is great in bedrooms, as it is a relaxing scent, that is helpful for sleeping or calming down. If that is too much trouble to locate, buying a lavender plant for each bedroom would be nice, and the corner of the living room too!

Lemon, or eucalyptus, is great for bathrooms... all of these natural essential oil sprays have healing properties, and they disinfect also.

An herbal plant, usually they are combinations, in the kitchen, or outside the kitchen, helps too. It can be used for cooking as well as adding life into the house, and oxygen.

Plants are wonderful to have around the house, healing ones especially!

So, Dad might find he is calmer and talks more softly, as you also, enjoy the warmth that nature is bringing indoors, just for pleasant moments and mood adjustments.

A little spray goes a long way!

Just some ideas ... hope you can use one or two.

Peace and love,
night

p.s. I'm glad you can talk about your Dad. These parents of ours are important in our lives, no matter what is or has gone on, if we understand them better, we definitely can understand things about ourselves and our responses, not to dwell on them, but only to learn and move forward... I must get ready for acupuncture, another idea for Dad and for you, if you haven't tried it yet, check out a TCM school near you, or ask the Dr. for a certified acupuncturist near you.

xoxoxoxoo

[digdug]

Originally Posted by silver_moon

But, I just find it difficult to understand sometimes that if he grew up in a horrible environment, why create that?

That's the million-dollar question for so many of us who have parents with mental or other issues...often they grew up in the same environment, yet they re-create it.

You can break the cycle, though. I'm sorry about everything you have to deal with - it sounds horrible - but someday these days will be behind you. They really will. And then you'll have the freedom to create positive change however you see fit.

Despite all the horrible things you've been through, it seems plainly evident that you will get through this. And then you'll be living your own life.

[silver_moon]

Thank you digdug

Night, thank you very much for your post... I will reply properly o it (have some things i want to say) but I'm very depressed at the moment and can't put my mind to it

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( molly ))))))))))))))))))