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#1
Nov 04, 2008, 04:20 AM
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today there seems no way out.........dont know which way to turn.......overwhelmed by these feelings......so dark.......no light and so so lost. head spining withtoo many unanswered questions how do l get away from this dark place......when will it be gone.......when will it feel ok......dont know not now.. thats for sure.......so so tired......so many unspoken words................just ........oh whats it matter anyway
__________________
 "never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#2
Nov 04, 2008, 05:07 AM
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I'm sorry you are struggling and you do matter. Hang in there, the light will shine soon.
((((((( silentandscared )))))))  
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
 silentandscared
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#3
Nov 04, 2008, 06:02 AM
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 You are in my thoughts dear friend... I believe in you!  Take care always
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
| silentandscared
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#4
Nov 04, 2008, 06:51 AM
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 Though it's hard and seems impossible, you will find your way out, because you matter and your life matters!! Take a break to breathe deeply and slowly, you'll find the way out of the darkness.
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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| silentandscared
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#5
Nov 04, 2008, 07:47 AM
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(silentandscared)))))))))))))))))))))
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| silentandscared
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#6
Nov 04, 2008, 07:51 AM
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((((((((((((((((( mandy ))))))))))))))))))
__________________
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| silentandscared
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#7
Nov 04, 2008, 10:11 AM
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(((((((((((((((( silentandscared )))))))))))))
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| silentandscared
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#8
Nov 04, 2008, 12:41 PM
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Mandy is it because you ex got released on bail and now you don't feel safe?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#9
Nov 04, 2008, 06:43 PM
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Quote:
l dont know just seems like everything.......doesnt matter what l do or say it all just stays the same .......new memories are not helping ....feel so swamped by them ...dont know if it true or not ...dont want to believe it...its disgusting.....l hate it ...this is not me it cant be... it has to be someone else.....my whole life is a lie........ what and who l thought l was have gone and they not coming back...... this is such a lonely and dark place ..... how can l explain it too others when l dont understand myself................................. 
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#10
Nov 04, 2008, 07:13 PM
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 lighting your path.....((((((((((((((((( mandy ))))))))))))))))))
__________________
Life shouldn't be this hard . 
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| silentandscared
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#11
Nov 05, 2008, 11:59 AM
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Mandy are you still working closely with your therapists?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#12
Nov 05, 2008, 12:06 PM
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cant tell T this......just cant words wont come.......dont want it to be true.....hate the thought.......visions are so graphic how can l not be there and see and feel and smell what l do...........................its gross.......cant tell...... they disgust me and im so ashamed...and now you want me to say to tell what thye like yuk.............no way...no tell...
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#13
Nov 05, 2008, 12:09 PM
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I'm sorry Mandy that this stuff is so awful for you. What is the worst thing that you think could happen if you tell your T's?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#14
Nov 05, 2008, 12:16 PM
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Quote:
she will hate me as much as l hate me........its just too disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#15
Nov 05, 2008, 12:22 PM
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Mandy, how many times have your T's hated you so far?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#16
Nov 05, 2008, 12:29 PM
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none l dont think well that what she say do l believe well no not really and this wel this just goes way over that. shame shame shame so much too much...cant do it...sory but cant........shoud not hav sed it at al....shud hav sed nuffin be easy then...aarrrggghhhhhhh dont want to remember..........  
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#17
Nov 05, 2008, 12:34 PM
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Mandy, you have spoken about your T's many times and they sound great, topnotch. I think that they will handle this very well and be very helpful to you. I can hear you saying how hard it would be to tell them. I'll also bet that the anticipation of telling is much worse and if you can manage to tell them that you will get relief.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#18
Nov 05, 2008, 10:19 PM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mandy}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm here for you. PM me if you need to.
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#19
Nov 06, 2008, 04:24 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((Mandy))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It is so hard .... this is deep therapy, dont become overwhelmed, take a step back if you must ... please hun ..... you will tell your t thes things only when YOU are ready ..... I still have that rope .... have you tight .... You will do this because we all believe in you ..... love, always, take care of you ..... so important .... tell your t you need to slow down .... from one who knows .... Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxo  an angel to guide you through .....
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#20
Nov 06, 2008, 04:44 PM
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(((((((((( Jinny))))))))))) thank you it is too much as you rightly said......the problem is me l see somethin l go with it and it crushes me.....want it all gone yesterday and that just isnt going to happen, l know it but l keeep doing it..crazy......l dont want all this to be true it makes my whole life a lie......dont kow what l should think or feel anymore.... what is right and what is wrong....no answers too much confusion all locked in my head... so what happens they add another kickinthe teeth just to make sure that it dam well hurts ... well it doess they have won....do your worst because there is nothing left for them to do to me...no one will ever do this to me again that is about the only thing that l do know.......... this is no longer the mat here we wipe our feet on the way in.......l am human and l hurt so please just stop these are the words that l said to my pdoc on Tuesday due to his typical male reaction to my concerns says things like well if you just do this think like this accept what has happened so what he did was confirm what l already feel this happened to me because l allowed it to, l didnt stop it, l didnt tell anyone, now these are my consequences of my actions.......... sorry jinny none of this is aimed at you but just feel like my flood gates are open and l am drowning just needed to say it all and get it out of me. sorry!!!!!!!!      
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#21
Nov 06, 2008, 06:04 PM
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I'm so glad that you are able to talk about it a little bit though Mandy... that's a big step forward
none of this is your fault and you can't allow yourself to believe that (easy to say, I know), believing that is letting them win. I know you're strong, you are so strong for coming this far and I believe you can do this... Take care of yourself Mandy Molly 
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
| silentandscared
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#22
Nov 07, 2008, 09:23 AM
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Mandy, how are you today?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| silentandscared
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#23
Nov 07, 2008, 10:09 AM
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When you open your eyes and see nothing but darknesss, you feel overwhelmed and hopeless. While you may not be aware of it at the moment, you have made decisions that will eventually let the light shine through.
As a frog of little brain I'm not able to give great insights into your problems. Hopefully the information you require to see the light will come your way soon.  Here is a rainbow and a road to follow. I hope everything works out for you.
__________________
 kebs
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| silentandscared
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#24
Nov 07, 2008, 10:46 AM
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(((((((((( to all who posted a reply))))))))))))) A big thank you sorry for dumping all this on you folks who all have your own pain. I would love to be able to explain it all too you all but im sorry but at the moment l cant. The only thing that l will say is this.......l am a very impatient person.. l want the healing and hurt to go like yesterda when l know in my heart of hearts that this is not going tohappen. It has taken 40 years to putit all there and l have no clue as too how long this will take to sort it all out. The confusion and my rapid feelings are the worst at the moment and l feel as though as soon as l put my guard down even a little wham its back with avengance. so for now l am trying to take small even minute steps and try to handle each thing as it a rises instead of trying to ignore it all in the hope that it will all go away....... you all seem to keep referring to my "strength" that is something that you all see but at present l dont so what l will do is this , l will hold onto the thought of that strength and the reminders that l keep recieving about how far l have come from you all ............l know have these words printed on my fridge so in my lowest hours l can read and reread if need be........ for now l need to try to take care of me and not worry too much about wether l think that l deserve to be looked after and nurtured by myself........... so once again a BIG BIG thank you to all of you and my you all find peace from your pains within and start to walk the healing path with the guidance from others at PC. l hope that one day l will be able to do for someone what yu have all done for me..... given patience, time, understanding, love, care all in a non judgemental way today and always you will always be my my heart and prayers heal well and stay safe love mandy and allxxxxxxx
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#25
Nov 07, 2008, 11:36 AM
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(((((Mandy)))))
__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
| silentandscared
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