[itspeaks]

How are you supposed to explain to someone something you don't even understand yourself? How can you get help if you don't know what the problem is? How can you fix the problem if the problem is yourself? How do you tell someone that you simply hate yourself so much that you feel like you deserve to die?

[reddevil]

You tell them just like you told us.

You sound like me, when I was 14. I never got help then, and I really wish I had. The problem is not you, it is the illness, and it can be treated.

[itspeaks]

People expect you to have a solid answer as to why you are upset, and I can't give them that. I don't know why I am upset. It's almost like if you do not have a good enough reason, if something tremendously horrible hasn't happened to you, you shouldn't feel bad. I know there are so many people in the world that have it way worse than I do, and I feel guilty because I simply can not deal.

[cantstopcrying]

Originally Posted by itspeaks

How are you supposed to explain to someone something you don't even understand yourself? How can you get help if you don't know what the problem is? How can you fix the problem if the problem is yourself? How do you tell someone that you simply hate yourself so much that you feel like you deserve to die?

((itspeaks)) Have you been reading my mind?? It's hard to find the courage to tell someone those things. You know you can tell us and count on people here to support you.

[reddevil]

Feeling upset simply because you feel upset is reason enough.

Don't feel guilty. I know where you are coming from. People do tend to think there must be a reason, otherwise you should just 'get over it'.

Find someone who is a little more sympathetic than that, and explain to them that the problem simply is that you are so upset.

[itspeaks]

Originally Posted by reddevil

Feeling upset simply because you feel upset is reason enough.

Don't feel guilty. I know where you are coming from. People do tend to think there must be a reason, otherwise you should just 'get over it'.

Find someone who is a little more sympathetic than that, and explain to them that the problem simply is that you are so upset.

I've talked to people about it before, but it doesn't really help. I wish there was some magic pill or something that could make you love yourself. I don't know how to get rid of all these layers of self hatred that I've accumulated over the years.

[reddevil]

(((((((((((itspeaks))))))))

You were strong to reach out to those people, and it is a shame that they did not help you in return.

I think it is possible to get rid of the self-hatred (or, at least I hope so). My guess is that it takes nearly as long to get rid of it, as it did to accumulate it.

[cantstopcrying]

reddevil, I hope you're right about it being possible to get rid of it, I just hope it doesn't take as long to get rid as it did to get it!

[itspeaks]

Originally Posted by reddevil

(((((((((((itspeaks))))))))

You were strong to reach out to those people, and it is a shame that they did not help you in return.

I think it is possible to get rid of the self-hatred (or, at least I hope so). My guess is that it takes nearly as long to get rid of it, as it did to accumulate it.

Sometimes I think I subconsciously don't let people help me because I believe I don't deserve to feel happy. I am also scared that no one will be able to help me because I can't explain what the problem is.

[reddevil]

You do deserve to be happy, everyone does.

A psychistrist, or a therapist would understand your problem, and then help you.

[itspeaks]

Originally Posted by reddevil

You do deserve to be happy, everyone does.

A psychistrist, or a therapist would understand your problem, and then help you.

I had a therapist for a couple months, but she was focusing on stuff that wasn't really important to me. I dropped out of school and her first concern was getting me back into school, not solving the problem that caused me to drop out in the first place. I've talked to my mom about getting back into therapy but she kind of just brushes me off. I think because I can't give her a concrete answer about how I am feeling, she thinks that I am not really depressed. I could wait six month until I am 18 and do it on my own, but I might not have any health insurance because I'm not in school and I don't know if they will let me stay on my mother's plan. & I have this big problem with being honest with people and talking about how I'm feeling. I feel... ashamed almost... of my emotions so I tend to tone them down a lot when talking about it.

[xletxherxgo]

Originally Posted by itspeaks

How are you supposed to explain to someone something you don't even understand yourself? How can you get help if you don't know what the problem is? How can you fix the problem if the problem is yourself? How do you tell someone that you simply hate yourself so much that you feel like you deserve to die?

like seriously, you couldnt have explained it any better. i dont know what to tell you, im sorry hun were in the same boat, barely floatin but were gonna make it...somehow. i know what you mean bout feelin self-hatred. i honestly believe i dont deserve happiness, i let it slip too many times so im just like **** it. im here if you want to talk, im new i could use a few friends.

[itspeaks]

I think I might have BPD...

[pachyderm]

I think you find out what is wrong with you by talking about it to someone who listens without much comment, someone who will let you do the talking. If you can't find such a person, then just think to yourself about it, as though you were talking to someone who just listens. Keep examining the problem. I think you will begin to understand what it is. Keep posting here.

[silver_moon]

Could you try talking to your mum again and keep telling her your really depressed and would like to see another therapist because pachyderm is right... you need someone to listen to you and even if you can't make sense of why you're feeling like this it's quite possible that with a bit of help you may find that answer and then you can concentrate on fixing that. It all takes time, but the sooner it starts, the sooner it ends?
I wish you all the best, just remember you can talk all you want on here and there'll be someone who'll listen,
Molly

[itspeaks]

Originally Posted by supermansgirlfriend

Could you try talking to your mum again and keep telling her your really depressed and would like to see another therapist because pachyderm is right... you need someone to listen to you and even if you can't make sense of why you're feeling like this it's quite possible that with a bit of help you may find that answer and then you can concentrate on fixing that. It all takes time, but the sooner it starts, the sooner it ends?
I wish you all the best, just remember you can talk all you want on here and there'll be someone who'll listen,
Molly

I tell her and tell her and tell her and she doesn't do anything. It is sooo hard to get through to her. If I were to go back to therapy, I wouldn't know where to look for a good therapist. The last one I had was really rude. She would take calls from her son in the middle of our sessions and forget how to spell my name.

[nightbird]

Try a referral from your MD. or through a social worker in your area.

A phone call should put you in touch.

I would ask if you can meet with the therapist you pick, for a look see, no charge, to see if you 'click'. Some will offer a free consult also, depending on where you live.

Yes, a T making calls with you there is unprofessional, and because you might appear young to them, I would say you were taken for granted - like you wouldn't know the difference, or something equally as rude.

I will tell you this, that you will find someone you can communicate with.

Don't give up.

Interview THEM for the job of holding your trust and quidance-seeking with respect, because it is they who help you to resolve the feelings you are having difficulty with.

What exactly is the problem, and are they capable of getting to the bottom of your issues with you... that is what they are interviewing for.

You decide who is easier to talk to. They decide if they can help.

I hope you find a good match, if this is the way you want to go.

From experience, I really got alot from therapy when I began at 20.

I wish the same for you.

Love and Peace,
Night

[itspeaks]

I feel guilty asking for help right now because there is a lot of stuff going on in my family, I feel like I need to suck it up.
My mom is going to be making less money at work, I don't want to make more bills for her. I got laid off recently so I don't have any money to pay for anything. My grandma just had surgery and needs us to help take care of her. I'm trying to get my GED. There are just so many things going on I don't know what to do. Thank you guys for listening to me and offering advice, I appreciate it.

[xletxherxgo]

i totally feel for ya! my dad has been laid off for two years now & my parents are still blaming me for the hospital bills. ok, am i the one who called 911 & threw me in the pshyc ward, countless times? no, i could be gone by now. so next time, i'll make sure it works because i don't want to be b*tched at for wasting money again. although, station 37 was like a second home to me & i fit in well, until my dumb a s s doctor put me on room restriction for a week! oh well, doesnt compare to the complete isolation i've been in all summer. i think you really need to decide if you will benefit from therapy. has it helped in the past? my view is therapy is a total waste because that's what friends & family are for, to talk to & help you through hard times BUT then again sometimes not. sometimes it's good to talk to a total stranger & blow you're money, :P
nah, really though that's what WERE here for. were alot cheaper & proably more re-assuring than shrinks!
that's my opinion

[itspeaks]

I tried talking to my mom about it tonight and she said "If you won't talk to me I'm not doing anything."

[silver_moon]

Try explaining to her that you want to be able to talk to her (I'm assuming you do?), but a therapist can help you, they're trained for it. Your mum can give you support and love, but not necessarily the help you need. Maybe ask her to read up on depression, or print off some information to give her? My mum was reluctant to get me a therapist because she thought the same thing, but for me it was hard to talk to my mum because there are family problems and a lot of things she's having to go through, I just didn't want to make it any harder for her.
I'm unsure how it works in the US, but over here people under 18 can go to the docs and they will get you in touch with a councillor/therapist... is that not possible for you?

Molly

[itspeaks]

I am now on 20 mg Prozac once a day and .5mg Klonopin up to twice a day as needed. I am still feeling really depressed and my eating disorder has been getting worse and I think my mom is starting to notice. I feel like taking the Klonopin all the time because its the only thing that makes me happier it seems like. I feel less self conscious on it.. but I know its really addicting. The passed few weeks have been hard. I start counseling on Wednesday, and I know I said I wanted to go but now I am not that sure. My mom mentioned something about my eating to them so now I am afraid they are gunna keep asking me food questions. I'm tired and Halloween has made me a fatass.

[AllyH88]

Just like you said. We can't explain why we feel this way, only that we do.

Unfortunately, some people will never understand. They don't believe depression is real.