[eeaiaaeie]

I don't know what to do any more. I'm 19 today and I am alone. I am in debt. I need to sell my car if I ever hope to be out of debt, but with the economy sucking no one wants to buy a car. I took a leave of absence from work for hospitalization (a waste of damn money) three months ago, but I can not work up the nerve to go back, I have trouble working up the nerve to get out of the house to go to the bank to pay on my loans. I am using all of the money my family set aside for my college education to pay for these bills which makes me feel like absolute garbage. My grandparents called today to wish me happy birthday and I started crying, which made my Grandfather cry, which made me feel even worse. My parents don't care anymore. I have barely left my bed in three months. The only time my parents talk to me is to yell at me about my bills and how I need to get a job, and just suck it up and get over it. Even those interactions are becoming less frequent and only happen when I venture downstairs while they are awake or at home. My mother loves to throw it in my face that my father has depression also but he manages it. My mother also will not let it go that I need to be on medication. She seems to think that the medication will solve everything. I realize that I should probably be on medication, but one: I have been on nearly every anti-depressant on the market, I have been taking pills since I was eight. None of them have worked. And two: I have been in therapy since I was four. Medication doesn't solve anything, it just helps you cope. Even if I did find a medication that worked, my bills would still be there, I would still be stuck in this stupid town that I hate, and I would still be alone. I have never experienced any sort of "normal" teenage years. I dropped out of high school at sixteen because I couldn't stand it anymore. I did get my GED and I did complete one semester of college successfully, I have just dropped out of the last two. I want out of this town so bad. It is a smaller town and everybody knows everyone through someone. I want a fresh start, but I worry that I will never have that. I don't think I will ever be healthy. I just want a normal life. I've never had that. I've never had a boyfriend or anything. I've only really had two close friends. I've been completely alone since a couple of months after my sixteenth birthday. I don't know what to do.

[Puffyprue]

Happy birthday to you...
godbless you

[TheDeliciousDish]

First thing I have to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. It may not seem happy, but you made it through another year, which at times can be a huge accomplishment on its own.

As for what's been bugging you, let me tell you this about medications. They're not designed to make your problems go away, they're just designed to help you cope with them better. You'll go from being upset about spending money on the bills to feeling up enough to get yourself working and earning the money. Never had a boyfriend? I'm my girlfriend's first boyfriend, and she's older than you. It's not a bad thing at ALL, trust me. Along with all the good things in relationships, there are many hardships. You'll enjoy and cherish that special person when he comes even more if you're feeling better. A therapist and medication are just tools to help you deal with everything. Once you've got those tools, you'll be much better equipped to get out there and do what you want Kind of like getting better gear on WoW... the Master Sword in Legend of Zelda... Or maybe a fire flower in Super Mario? Okay, you might not be a gaming type, but that gets me into my last thing that I'll probably end up telling everybody here.

Find something you really cherish that can always be around for you to look at or enjoy when you're feeling down. It can be something as simple as a picture that makes you smile, a delicious treat that makes you warm up from the inside, or something as complex as making a mural in your room, creating a special space for yourself to relax in. I know it sounds corny, but trust me, it can be really helpful (I personally like soft blankets, pillows, a classic cartoon, and a mug of hot cocoa or cider =D).

I hope this helps somehow, and whatever you do, just keep hope, and take care of yourself!

~TheDeliciousDish

[gimmeice]

Happy Birthday, I am sorry that is not a happy one.

I am sorry that your parents are treating you so poorly I know it doesn't help when you are already down. The meds and therapy only help you get the tools to try to accomplish what you want, it doesn't solve all but it really does help. I am sending you many hugs.

[Fuzzybear]

[katheryn]

im so sorry that your life doesnt seem to be going well at the moment, but even being in debt is not the end of the world, we were in debt lost our house, but we stuck togeather and are now comming out the other side

your parents are frustrated they dont know how to help you so they yell, plz each day set a goal only a small one like staying out of bed for the day, going to the bank
anything when you start doing small things you start to do more and staying is not the easy answer as that makes it harder in the long run

good luck

sorry this wasnt in time for your b/day

((((((((((((((((eeaiaaeie))))))))))))))))))