[brookie421]

i feel so lonely i just want someone to be with me right now.

[cantstopcrying]

Hi! I know it's an hour after you posted but I'll sit with you if you want. I was cleaning. I'd much rather sit with you. If you want, you can head over to the games section--you definately won't be lonely there!

[brookie421]

thanks i'm still here

[cantstopcrying]

Feeling pretty crummy? I'll listen and try to help if you want. Otherwise I'll just sit with you.

[brookie421]

yea. i just don't even know anymore. i'm too scared to get help from anyone. i'm doing this to myself. i don't want to be like this anymore. everyday i wake up hoping i'll feel better but i never do. i feel like im the only person in this world. its so weird

[cantstopcrying]

What do you think you're scared of if you ask for help? I thought I could handle everything I was going through until one night I honestly could not stop crying. That was two months agao and though I still have bad days and bad moments, I know that I will make it. I reached out for help here, I did something that was hard for me--I opened up. I also sought the help of a t. The jury's still out on how that's going but if nothing else it gives me somewhere else to cry besides work, my car and home! It may help you to go back through previous posts in the depression forum and read some of the things there. You said you feel like you are the only one in the world--I'm the opposite; sometimes I feel like I don't exist. (Until I get a bill in the mail, then I know I exist!!) Do you have anything you like to do, any hobbies and such?

[brookie421]

idk i guess i'm just scared to open up to someone. i'm so used to keeping all my feeligns all bottled up. but thats just causing me to hurt myself more. i just feel like i can figure this all out myself, but now im having my doubts. i feel like im hte only one in the world because im so lonely. i feel like there is no one else there but me feeling this. how would going throuhg old posts help me?

and i just dont like to do anything anymore. the things that used to make me happy just dont mean anything to me anymore. i never have fun with anything i do. it sucks

[cantstopcrying]

Going through old posts may help you because even though you feel like you are the only one, theres a whole world of people who feel just like you do. Reading the ways others help and were helped may click something with you and give you some ideas or thoughts to help. The one thing that got me to go to a t was the fact that I didn't him and if I felt like I really botched it or like he wasn't a good fit, I never had to go back.

[brookie421]

yeah. just like venting to people i dont know is easier for some reason, but person to person i feel like it would be 100 times harder. like on here its easy but when im on thespot im just gonna blank out and not know what to say.

[cantstopcrying]

I do too and I find myself rambling about something that has nothing to do with what I'm saying. At least here I can erase and get back on track! I have a notepad I take into t and write down reminders of what I want to say and what he says. And I doodle. I don't think I've ever really looked at him. I take my glasses off, I scribble, I pet his dog, but I don't make eye contact. I guess that way I can't see his thoughts and opinions of me.

[brookie421]

yeah. well im in college, and there is a place for counseling. but i have been saying i need to go for so long now. but i cant make myself leave my room to go. i had the number in my phone but got scared and just ended the call. i dont even know why im so scared. i guess its just the reality thats going tohit me if i go is why im scared. cause right now i feel like this is all just a dream and that this cant really be happening to me becuase i should be happy.

[cantstopcrying]

Let me get cliche-y on you: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Ok, now that's out of my system, honestly the first move is the hardest. Part of it is the unknown, the fear of judgement. Part of it is like you said, admitting that it really is bad enough that you need help. If you can remember a time when you were happy, just think that you can feel that again if you reach out. If you don't ever remember being happy, then just imagine--being happy is within your reach. Obviously counselling isn't going to make you happy--it's going to be work and will take time, but there really is hope.

[brookie421]

yeah. once i go ill feel better and i know it. just so hard for me to make that first move to help. this just all the sudden came on me. ever since i came to college everything just changed. before this i was so happy and never thought id ever be dealing with this and be put in this situation. thats why its so hard for me. and none of my friends would even think to think im upset and depressed because i can pull it off so well that im a happy person. but im really not. and having no one know is so hard, like my best friend from home knows, but shes so far and theres only so little she can do..which is tell me to go get help. i just feel like i need someone like that here, but i dont have it. now im just rambling on. so ill stop

[cantstopcrying]

Must be your first year away at college? It's very common to feel like that--that's why they have a campus counsellor. Are there any groups you might like to join--as uncomfortable as that may be. Why not set a goal for yourself--say by Wednesday (or whenever) you'll make the call or stop in. That way you have something concrete to aim for an helps stop the procrastination.

[brookie421]

yeah it is my first year. i just feel like i have so much school work and no time for myself. if i say wednesday, i know ill just not end up doing it even if i tell myself i have to. ughhh but maybe i will. this is so furstrating

[cantstopcrying]

I hope you do make the call. First step, hon. You can do it.

[brookie421]

thanks for the help