Well Nuts

For whatever the reason, I feel like I am grieving.
I'm not depressed or fighting it...what I'm feeling is grief.
Now if I could pinpoint what it is from, I'd be a magician.

Probably a combination of things
The rehab from this surgery is driving me nuts. I'm used to rehab being outta bed the next day, lots of PT and walking...I'm allowed to sit up for 30-40 minutes, lay flat on my back for about an hour, walk 15 minutes and the other 15 minutes on the computer
it's a poopy cycle although that is not the word I wanted to say!
then this morning, my external hard drive went crazy. I'm worried because all my pictures and, most especially, my journals, are on it...I thought I was doing the right thing by transferring them there.
I didn't think it would have any problems, dumb I know...any piece of equipment will at some time or another.

Ok, off my pity pot
but I'm still grieving

Cap

(((((((((( capp )))))))))))))
I sometimes struggle with grief feelings, I always figure I am grieving the normal life that I don't have. I hope that things get better for you soon.

Hugs Capp;
I have felt that kind of feeling as well, for me it's dreams that have never come true, the end of summer or promises broken. I hope this feeling goes away, watch something dumb and funny to try to turn the grief into laughter.

Hugs
Cindy

Thank you for the hugs--they were much needed!

I think part of it is that I get tired of wearing the mask of Everything Is Fine when what I want is to lay my head on a shoulder and weep...not for any serious, gut-wrenching problems, but those times when we tire of being brave.
Does that make sense?

Feeling better is on its way; I know it.
It always is. That said, I wish it would hurry up.
Of course it will arrive when my heart is ready.
I've learned, at least for me, that if my usual safety net things don't help, it's time for some honest thinking.
Things could be worse, etc.. I know this also.

But I don't want to be denied the right to feel blue or down in the dumps--ya can find some treasures in the dumps--when what I'm feeling is grief.
There are folks who immediately assume you are on the verge of a disaster if you have a simple case of the blues. I do understand their worry/reaction, but its tough. It is tough on everyone for different reasons...

Perhaps that's part of what you mean about a normal life?
Thank you, gimmeice!
It looks like I'm starting another evolution...I've observed and absorbed and maybe it is melding.
Oh Joy

Cap

Thank you, Cindy!
I love the message in the graphic. Simple but powerful truth.

If I lose/ignore my warped sense of humor than I know that I am in trouble.
Wonder if I could put my portable potty in front of the computer and multi-task? Tinkle only so no one gets grossed out...

Blue and bawling--another multi tasking taking place.
Gosh, I wonder if I have any more hidden talents?
Yep.
Now I'm laughing and weeping and the cat thinks I'm normal; if I do just one it scares her and she hides from me.

Time to find another stupid car chase/policeman chasing a suspect/and/or a sci-fi thing so I can pick out my next hair style.

Thank you ladies for hearing me...I don't feel invisible any more. It is a gift that I hope is returned to you 10,000 times over...part of my beliefs is when you do someone a kindness? It comes back to you tenfold.

Cap

Try this for a chair:

I hear you Capp, I feel as if I'm putting on a facade for so much of my life, yet sometimes the complex inner "me" just comes through. I think it's just part of being the complex animal that is human.

On a more practical note, how is your hard drive doing? I ask this because if it's completely inaccessible, there's one bizarre yet often successful way to retrieve info off of it: put the hard drive in the freezer.

I had a laptop hard drive go out on me once. I put the laptop in the freezer for a few hours and was able to access the HD long enough to get what I needed off of it. I was in the process of upgrading computers at the time, so the timing as good.

Anyway, whenever I hear of someone's hard drive failure, I always want to pass this news along. The scientific explanation is that the cold air helps bind the connectors in the hard drive to the disks of the HD, or something. Anyway, might be worth a try.

Cindy - I loved that chair - where can I get one? Just kidding. I appreciated the humor as the mere thought of Capp sitting on a porta-potty really wasn't one I wanted to be left with.
Capp, you've got a great perspective on things. All these feelings of ours are okay. What gets them to the not so okay part is when we stay in the grief, sadness, anger, etc. - but I don't see you staying there as your humor is still very much intact. Thank you for the chuckle. My pity throne is quite lavish at times and other times it's tucked away in a closet, barely seen. Here's wishing you more "up and at 'em time", strength and endurance. Thanks for sharing your humor too.
Einna

Capp, I have been nursing a bulging disc for 3 months (treating it for 2 months). It is finally getting better but I had many moments when I was just emotionally drained from the pain and from being debilitated and not being able to see the end of it (I think they call that loss of hope). I cried many times with my husband. Now that I am getting much better I am very hopeful again that it will end! It is okay to grieve and it is okay to feel the "negative" emotions.

My husband who is always emotionally stable ruptured his disc last year. He also had his moments of feelings during this time and I was really surprised because I never saw him like this before. These times bring us all down. It is normal......

You are coming here for support and this is very good!

Thank you all so very much!

Cindy, I ordered the chair...just in different colors

Called tech support today and was told the external hard drive had a corrupted file--he didn't think it was funny when I asked which one.
My daughter plugged and unplugged and swore as she bumped her head and nothing worked. Tech had told me to find freeware for data recovery so I went to bleeping computers for advice.
Had lunch, came back here--the darn thing is showing again.
So I'm going to get 650 CDs so I can save at least my old journal entries.
What a jolt to read some of them!!
I can actually say that I have indeed made progress...I'm up to feeling decent--Decent is a very nice man and does not mind getting felt--more times than I feel crappie--intentional misspelling! Crappie is a fish; rather good eating too.
My SO is so pleased that I've stopped putting catsup on his catch...

Truly...my sincere thank you for the encouragements and support. I will be there for everyone of you when you need it.

Cap

sleep, where art thou?
two hours is no where near the level I need for functioning!
perhaps exhaustion will win and I'll sleep tonight...

I am going to research my pain meds again along with my AD. it's very possible there is some action of one of them, or a combination of them, causing me to feel like I'm on speed and can't sleep. or I'll just experiment and see what happens...
I remember enough of my pharmacology to go slowly, and have no qualms about calling the surgeon if necessary.
he's actually a very nice man with great buns who listens to his patients.
(one of my requirements for a physician is he has great buns and was not last in his class
female physicians cannot have perkies unless they are under 40 years old

darn, but there are times when I miss the hell out of easy times ...right now, I would settle for 12 hours of joy-jumping.

Cap