[turquoisesea]

I feel odd posting this. But here goes.

So many of us are suffering from repressed feelings, I was wondering what people have come up with that helps them express what they're feeling...

How do you vent anger? Frustration? Sadness?

This came up because of a conversation I had today about parents and how they react to temper tantrums.
"Time out! Go to your room! Don't come out until you've calmed down" - Is a common way to deal with a tantrum. (which is what my parents did)
That kind of attitude can teach a child that expressing anger and frustration, which are LEGITIMATE feelings, is a bad thing. Then when the child grows up, they often don't know how to express emotions. They are TAUGHT to repress them.

In ways like this we learn to repress, how do we learn to express?

Any thoughts?

[lifelesstraveled]

I have no positvie reply for this, but I have similar negative experiences. If we ever started crying...a single tear drop or cry escaped our lips we (I have a sister) were sent to our rooms. I remember once I'd fallen down the stairs in my snow suit and as soon as I got to the bottom I was wailing(which is normal obviously) but my mom came and yelled at me, yanked the suit off and sent me to my room. She didnt let me go out with my sister and play with the rest of kids in the snow. I was forced to watch from afar. I think I ended up crying myself to sleep and she never came to check on me. Outside of that it was always, "stop being so sensitive", "be nice"... etc etc. In any case, yes emotions were very much repressed in my house. I just started therapy a month ago and my T said that when I talk about my childhood I don't have any emotions to go with it. I guess she feels I should be upset (angry, sad, frustrated), but I just talk with a straight face..."yes that happened", "this is what happened when I did this". Once I'd found myself sitting her her office pushing emotions down. I do it so automatically normally and that was the first time I'd caught myself EVER. Emotions scare me.

Anger scares me the most. I just let it fester inside of me b/c I dont know how to express it. I don't know what to do with it. Whenever I was angry with someone and wanted to give them a piece of my mind I was always told to "be nice" or to "respect that person cuz he or she is older" or just told "shut up" all the while I am being disrespected...Happiness is an emotion that was rarely expressed so I don't even think I know what that one is. No, I do know what it is. When the guy I am dating calls me and I see his name on the caller ID my heart smiles and I get butterflies...we've been together for three years and it still happens

Sorry, I hadn't intended this to be that long.and I really don't have any really advice for this, but I thought it was a really good thread and wanted to share my experiences of my repressed emotions. I would love to know what others have done to express their emotions..

[Doesitend?]

Well, I am no expert, but when I used to express my emotions as a kid, specifically anger, my dad pulled the fuse to my room. I never learned to deal with anger, or sadness. I just hold it in until I blow. For me, breaking things helps, which is not acceptable, but I had a kid's punching bag, specifically Bozo. When I would need an outlet for anger, I would beat up bozo. One time I took a plastic t-ball bat to him, and I murdered him. So now I have a REAL punching bag, and that is going up tonight. Also, I like to write, so I journal, or write poetry, or just go for a ride and scream to the top of my lungs in a grocery store parking lot. You are not alone; most people I think do not know how to handle emotions appropriately. I am new here, but from what I have seen, and experienced, you will get all the support you need. If you need to talk or scream or cry, PM me. It is likely we will do it together!

[gimmeice]

I also repress emotions, emotions scare the **** out of me. The best way I have found to somewhat express myself is writing in my journal, it used to help relieve some of the pressure but for my own reasons I no longer journal. I once started to express some anger when telling my T a story from my childhood, she was blown away because I never show anything. Towards the end of the session I told T that I was scared that my mom knew I had expressed my anger and there would be a price to pay, for me it was a moment that really pieced together how I became an adult that couldn't express myself.

[nowheretorun]

learning to express emotions is a very big deal..

after years of trying i have learned that the best way to be heard is to be peaceful about what it is i'm trying to tell another..

if i am yelling, belligerent, rude and insulting to others, i have few who are willing to hear me.. i guess thats why people come here to PC to express what they feel unable to share in a healthier way?

anyway, as we grow, we should do as you are sea and see what we can do to express more peacefully our inner feelings.. get them out there where people who do care can hear us.. the others? well, hopefully in time...

[luvdogs]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

I feel odd posting this. But here goes.

So many of us are suffering from repressed feelings, I was wondering what people have come up with that helps them express what they're feeling...

How do you vent anger? Frustration? Sadness?

This came up because of a conversation I had today about parents and how they react to temper tantrums.
"Time out! Go to your room! Don't come out until you've calmed down" - Is a common way to deal with a tantrum. (which is what my parents did)
That kind of attitude can teach a child that expressing anger and frustration, which are LEGITIMATE feelings, is a bad thing. Then when the child grows up, they often don't know how to express emotions. They are TAUGHT to repress them.

In ways like this we learn to repress, how do we learn to express?

Any thoughts?

oh wow,oh man---i rant and rave--to myself out loud mostly,to express anger,but i have a tendency to stuff it and stuff it--then i explode.this is why i blew up and called the apt. manager's wife a ***** a couple weeks ago.obviously,i am not very good at expressing my emotions in a "healthy" way,hehe.altho,an elderly woman here did tell me i "just told the truth",lol.

[nowheretorun]

Originally Posted by luvdogs

oh wow,oh man---i rant and rave--to myself out loud mostly,to express anger,but i have a tendency to stuff it and stuff it--then i explode.this is why i blew up and called the apt. manager's wife a ***** a couple weeks ago.obviously,i am not very good at expressing my emotions in a "healthy" way,hehe.altho,an elderly woman here did tell me i "just told the truth",lol.

too bad it seems that we believe some people actually deserve to be treated this way.. particularly after so many of us have been treated this way ourselves!

[rachaelkrinks]

Hi - that's an interesting question. I just posted a similar query on the bipolar forum - mine was about grief - and how to express grief and sadness and deal with these emotions when I'm used to numbing them. It'd be nice if we lived in a different culture where people scream and tear their hair out when they lose someone or a big life event happens. Or they sing and dance with joy when good things happen. This white western stoic poker face type of way of being makes me ill - we have to medicate ourselves to try and keep our emotions down and in. But how to express them safely when you have a mood disorder and not let them run away with you? I don't have the answer but need one!

[Sannah]

Good thread torquoise. This is what I feel leads to depression. Practice, practice, practice, being aware of your feelings at all times, being aware of your rights and needs at all times and learning that you have the right to express your feelings and expressing all those old stuffed ones. You are probably so trained right now to stuff. You have to train yourself the healthy way now. It is possible.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Good thread torquoise. This is what I feel leads to depression. Practice, practice, practice, being aware of your feelings at all times, being aware of your rights and needs at all times and learning that you have the right to express your feelings and expressing all those old stuffed ones. You are probably so trained right now to stuff. You have to train yourself the healthy way now. It is possible.

I love reading your posts Sannah! They are always so positive, encouraging and inspiring.

It's sooo hard to practice feeling something that you stuff down automatically--before you have a chance to feel or process it. I have been doing for many 15-20 years (yeah I am only 25)..it's second nature. I have been stuffing down every emotion, every need and want and when I sit here and try to think about what i need or want, I don't know how to answer that....I guess it's something i need to look into

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

I love reading your posts Sannah! They are always so positive, encouraging and inspiring.

It's sooo hard to practice feeling something that you stuff down automatically--before you have a chance to feel or process it. I have been doing for many 15-20 years (yeah I am only 25)..it's second nature. I have been stuffing down every emotion, every need and want and when I sit here and try to think about what i need or want, I don't know how to answer that....I guess it's something i need to look into

Thank you Life . I really appreciate that.....

Whenever I have had to work on something you have to catch yourself in the act. At first you will just watch yourself do it once again and not do anything about it. Think about what happened after each time and think about what you can do differently the next time. Just identifying how you felt and what you stuffed is a good start. As you make changes each time you will gradually make the entire change. Observe, trouble shoot, try out, evaluate, make more changes, try again..........