[silver_moon]

I'm fed up.
I'm stupidly depressed and I'm sick of it.

Gonna move everything out of my bedroom today so I can decorate (part of the 'new me' thing) Can't face it though... I'll find lots of 'john things' and I can't do with triggers right now... bad enough

I haven't even got the energy to explain why I feel so depressed... apart from the fact that my hands are shaking so its hard to type... and I think my hands are shaking 'cause I don't eat.... but last night... proud of me for this.. I had a starter, main and desert and ate the lot! Didn't have breakfast or lunch though, but even so... that was a lot for me.

tut I wish i could disappear, so depressed, so much pain

[ExiExi]

I'm very sorry you are having a hard time atm, Silver.
Just wanted to let you know that I definitely don't want you to disappear. I want you to win this fight. Hang in there, ok?

[cantstopcrying]

Applause to you on the redecorating your room. That's a big thing. Can be a hard thing, too, when you come across, as you said, John things. It would be a little scary if you didn't feel upset at those things. As you move things out and find things that either were given to you by him or remind you of him, take a deep breath, hold the object or memory for a moment, be thankful of having had the experience, and put it in a box or bag or pile. Allow yourself some tears if you need to. Then refocus on the task at hand. I'm speaking from having just done this a little over a month ago. Dave moved out 5 months ago and there are still birthday cards I find, he still has some clothes here, his coffee pot is still on the counter. But when I rearranged the bedroom it hurt, but focusing on the task helped. Telling myself I'm doing this for ME. ME ME ME. It helped. It supposed to be hard, it's climbing over a rock on your path to healing. You can do it, and you can do it while feeling a little down without letting the downness (new word) engulf you. I'm proud of you for wanting to redecorate as a 'new you'--that shows you're thinking of you, thinking in the positive and wanting to make changes. You can always go rest on your clouds when it gets to be too much.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( molly )))))))))))))))))))

Good for you for wanting to redecorate your room, that sounds like a big step.
I think that cantstopcrying had some great advice about what to do when you run across "John stuff". I wanted you to know that I would really miss you if you disappeared.

[silver_moon]

Thank you gimme
thank you marci I don't think I can start it today... I'm not in a good place... so I'll start when I'm more relaxed. But yes, I want a new me... going to see about getting a new haircut too.

I keep resting on my clouds, thanks for my 'sky' marci

oh and gimme... I won't disappear, I just wish I could

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( molly ))))))))))))))))))
You'll get through this sweetie, you're a survivor

[1confused]

i know that feeling, your not alone. hang in there. keep talking to friends and typing

[Tired12]

(((((((silvermoon)))))))
You can do it, it's hard to keep on keeping on. But some how we manage to do it despite our despair.

We are all just a post/pm away

Take care

Originally Posted by silver_moon

I'm fed up.
I'm stupidly depressed and I'm sick of it.

Gonna move everything out of my bedroom today so I can decorate (part of the 'new me' thing) Can't face it though... I'll find lots of 'john things' and I can't do with triggers right now... bad enough

I haven't even got the energy to explain why I feel so depressed... apart from the fact that my hands are shaking so its hard to type... and I think my hands are shaking 'cause I don't eat.... but last night... proud of me for this.. I had a starter, main and desert and ate the lot! Didn't have breakfast or lunch though, but even so... that was a lot for me.

tut I wish i could disappear, so depressed, so much pain

----Do you know the reason that triggered your sadness? Or is it just because you feel depressed? You are not alone, depression doesn't let you be yourself or enjoy the things you used to. Imagine that your body is only a coat. That you are just a ghost, spirit, soul... anything.

Now try to disappear... leave your body in the bathtub or on your bed turn the light off and imagine that you are leaving your body for a while, to go have fun. In your thoughts view all the places you would like to fly by if you could fly. Go have fun, go see your favorite fantasy things and people... Enjoy! Have some music if you want. Then go back to your body until you want to. No rush. You can start by closing your eyes and have no light and imagine that you are in an empty universe. There are no stars, no planets, just you, but you can't see your arms or your body, imagine yourself not being hot or cold, not being hungry or thirsty... Imagine yourself in the middle of the nothing wondering, who are you? What are you doing there? For how long have you been there? Why there is nobody else? Are you going to exist some day? Or you already existed? Existing where? you don't see anything around you. But, you are not scared... you can't feel pain because you see no body. You don't feel lonely because you don't know what you are... A person? an animal? Have persons being invented yet? How long have you been waiting? Waiting for what? All of the sudden you realize that you can invent your own universe, your own world, things your own way and little by little star forming your fantasy planet and putting on it, only the things you want to exist in your very own world. If you do this for a while, you really have disappeared, it will take you some time, then, when you relax, you can go back to your body and fall asleep. Things will be a little better the next day. And remember, you are not alone, all of us are here feeling the same way.