Memories aren't the same

Yesterday, sitting in my car I heard The Cure "Just Like Heaven" and before I could even think tears started rolling--and wouldn't stop. I usually don't listen to music that could start the tears rolling, but my daughter was in the car and I was reading. Of course I didn't turn it; when I hear stuff like that the ridiculous part of me takes over and says "you deserve to feel the pain associated with these memories because if you hadn't done what you did, you would still be with S, so sit here and listen and cry." My first husband and high school sweetheart S used to hold my face in his hands and sing that song to me alllll the time. Since we are in contact (and have a relationship I can't describe without destroying my whole day), I emailed him the lyrics and said "I cried". He emailed me back this morning and said, "Listening to The Cure made you cry? Why?" Obviously a memory that was special to me had no meaning for him. Guess I deserved that one too.

Three words sweetheart... MEN ARE IDIOTS!! (please, any men don't take offense to that, it is a stereotype I know)
Men tend to bottle up emotion in the first place... do your CBT with me? humor me

A-Recieving the email B-This memory obviously doesn't mean anything to him/he can't remember C-(crying?)

now let's change B..... he could have remembered, but didn't know how to console you. He may also not want to admit that he may have felt moved by that song (because he's a man... grrrr, growl at the men ... again sorry for stereotyping)

I know it's upset you hunny and to be honest I'd probably do the same thing... but from words you've told me... try and hold on to those good memories, but put them in there place

now... do I get to poke you until we see a smile?

Take care,
Molly

Oh Molly--You're 20 years younger than me and 20 years smarter than me. Thank you for walking me through that. Thank you. I did smile, but now you've got me crying! You'd think after holmes spent that time with me last night I'd have gotten it!! I appreciate your help on this. (It still sucks, though)

I don't want to be 60

being a antique has its privileges
I've been one for awhile and take great delight in being an eccentric old broad

((((((((((((( cantstopcrying )))))))))))))))))

Thank you--I need those hugs!!

i wish this had't happened and hurt you again cantstopcrying. i agree that he may not have felt able to console you. so many men seem more emotionally fragile than women (steel magnolias style).

don't let anything steal the good out of your memories if you can help it! lots of gentle, soft hugs and pats!

leslie and pixies

Thank you so much for your kind words. They really hit home because I started thinking "fine, next time I hear the song, I'll just block the memories." But I can't and shouldn't do that. I also know I shouldn't "punish" myself by listening to it. I need to get to the state where I can hear it and smile from the memories and not cry because they are gone. Thank you!

(((((((((((((((( cantstopcrying ))))))))))))))))

does it make you feel any better knowing that i started crying when i read yr post, sweetheart? the second i saw 'the cure' i thought, oh sht... once my peripheral vision caught 'just like heaven' off to the side, it was over, presh was a wreck.

by the time i got to the visual of the girl with her sweet supple rosy face in the hands of a boy singing those lyrics (that to this day i do not understand how robert smith could sing without melting into a puddle while performing...), i was a mess.

BUT! those hands turned to slimy, horrible, scaly lizard claws with yellowed talons as i finished the post, while your face remained as rosy and angelic as ever.

praise your sensitivity. im the same way! its a curse, and a blessing. but most importantly, be happy youre not a lizard.

xo

presh

Oh presh!! Thank you so much! I am so sorry I didn't even think to put a trigger warning on it! Please forgive me!! Thank you for your compassion and understanding and kind words!!

dont be silly, you didnt trigger me darling! i was one half crying bc you stole my name (cantstopcrying haha - really, im a total sucker too), and half because ITS THE CURE! i bought a wall size poster of robert smith from the 'boys dont cry' era when i was 12, and recently have been considering getting a very life-like portrait of him tattooed on my thigh (my friend, the artist, is a sucker for the cure and offered to do it for free 'as a tribute to his savior'). just dont turn into a lizard... keep crying. and keep listening to the cure.