[paradigmlost]

I am at a crossroads in my life right now. Since I entered college three and 1/2 years ago, each year has been an uphill battle. To make a VERY long story short, I am not the same person I was when I started school. I am emotionally broken and burned-out. I suffer from depression and anxiety, both of with are becomming progressively more severe with each semester. I have three more years ahead of me (I'm in a 7-year doctoral program), but I just don't know if I can make it through 3.5 more years. I am already seeing a therapist, but it doesn't seem to help. In two weeks, I will receiving my bachelor's, and I am now faced with a decision I need to make sensibly. I have two options:

1. The first option is to continue for 3.5 more years and by some miracle actually survive. But at this point, I'm no longer enjoying my college years (I've actually never felt like I've enjoyed them to be honest).

2. Or, I could just take my bachelor's, move back home, and try to get my life back on track and improve my physical/mental/emotion state and self-confiedence. I know I'll be giving up the pursuit of a great degree, but I also know that I'm not well and am killing myself slowly trying to continue on. Although I feel like I'm in a black hole, I also have a sense of hope and I know that if I stop school now and take a break, I will still be able to find a job. Plus, when I start to feel better, I'll be able to pursue my PhD in a healthier way and potentially enjoy my education!!!

It's ironic b/c I have a nearly perfect GPA yet feel completely dissatisfied. And now I am trying to figure out what I need to do to get my life back on track. I'm not interested in having the highest GPA in my class...it's not about quantity, it's quality. But my quality of life is so poor right now, and I am starting to scare my family (and myself...I've never felt so lost and hopeless in my life).

Please help guide me on my journey with your insight! I would really appreciate a "neutral" opinion! Thank you!!

[JudeeB]

In reading between the lines it seems like you know exactly what you want to do. I encourage you to do what seems best for you.

Depression at the level you describe won't disappear by moving back home or getting a job or any new activity. I encourage you to continue to seek out help. Many of us need to discover what attitudes and beliefs about ourselves are fueling the depression.

I remember thinking years ago, I was too intelligent to be this depressed, I should be able to figure it out and fix it. Well, it just wasn't true. I was emotionally wounded and did need help. It was impossible to wake up one day and tell myself I wouldn't be depressed any more. It was beyond any act of will. I am thankful I found a good therapist who helped me find the way out of the hopelessness.

Wishing you the best along this journey called life,
Judy

[gimmeice]

Hello pardigmlost, it's nice to meet you, welcome to psychcentral.
I agree that you seem to know what is best for you right now, it is very important that we make decisions to protect our own health, so maybe a break from school is in order. This is a very supportive website, I hope you continue to come here to find support along your journey of life, I believe there are many here that struggle with the same issues as you.

[foreverlost]

Hi paradigmlost,

I have to agree that you do seem to know that it would be best to put off grad school. When I took some time off between B.S. and grad school many years ago (Like you, I felt depressed and burned out), people told me I'd never go back - NOT! I really believe that it isn't worth it to do it now, if you're not into it. It's going to be tough, a lot of work, will require dedication, etc. What about seeing if the university willl hold a place for you until next year and then you can re-evaluate? During that year, concentrate on getting better. And even if they won't hold a place, with your talent and intelligence, you'll get in somewhere else. Just my opinion.

I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed. Maybe making a decision will alleviate some anxiety?
Feel better! Celebrate your B.S.!

foreverlost

[foreverlost]

Sorry....
In no way did I mean to imply that the only option is to go back to school. You may find satisfaction is something else - give yourself a chance!