[Dawr]

This is seriously the worst I've ever felt. I really wish I could just curl in a corner and die, because I don't feel like anything will ever get better.

I'm useless at school. I Study for tests only to consistently fail and do poorly. I had an astronomy portfolio that I worked for days on. I put my heart into it, only to get it back and find that I failed it because I forgot to include the sources on one of my items. I had to leave the room because i started crying over how disappointed I was. My parents pressure me and yell at me because my grades are atrocious, but I don't know how to improve them.

Every year I start school thinking, "It's a brand new start, this year I'll do great!" but every year my GPA just falls lower and lower. I'm lazy, unmotivated, and stupid. I'll probably end up working at my low-paying dead end job for the rest of my life. I Can't even manage a promotion there, even though I work my *** off and am so helpful and nice to customers, it's almost disgusting.

I Don't even have anyone to talk to any more, since I lost my grandmother recently. She was the only person who ever made me feel good about myself.

I wish, just once, my efforts were met with success. I Wish that when I studied hard for an exam or a test, I actually did well. Instead of feeling confident, then having that confidence smashed to pieces when I get the test back with another failure to add to my ever-expanding collection. I wish I woke up one day happy to me, instead of waking up wishing I was someone else. I'm a pathetic human being and I'm pretty sure I'll stay that way for the rest of my life.

I miss my grandmother so much and I wish she were here to tell me everything would be alright....

[Capp]

((Dawr))
I am so sorry you are feeling so badly...

You are not a pathetic human being. You are a worthwhile human being doing the best you can right now.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your grandmother.
It sounds like she was a great source of comfort and support for you. It's understandable that you feel so badly when such a positive force in your life is now gone...
Are you able to see a T for guidance and help working through all of these things...either a private T or a counselor at school?
Grieving drains us of so many things and can blind us to ways of feeling better.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, Dawr.
Sharing is a valid and safe way to get support while you are going through such a rough time.
We care

Cap

[gimmeice]

(((((((((( Dawr ))))))))))))))

I am sorry for your loss, that must be very tough, I agree with capp that you may find talking to a therapist helpful.

Is there any way that you can work with a tutor to develop study habits that are right for you, sometimes a different approach is needed to help with studying. For instance when you start a project maybe you could first make a list or outline of everything that needs done and you can refer back to it often so you don't leave anything out.

You are definitely not useless, maybe you just need to explore different methods of doing things, please don't be so hard on yourself.

[lmg103]

i know exactly how you feel about the school thing...like when you put so much effort into something and study so hard...but in the end just fail and all your effort goes to nothing. i hate it..it's so frustrating.

but hang in there

sorry i don't have any advice..but i just can relate to you

[stefano]

I relate all too well with my years at the university. Striving and getting nothing. I don't know what degree of school your are doing and how it works, but for me the problemwas that I was applying myself to subjects I hated.

But let me tel you this: useless or useful is relative to you. A low wage job is a social stigma, and it is bad, sure. But a high wage job that turns your stomach every given morning is worse. Anyway, don't let me rant, but you should struggle to be useful to yourself.

The best of luck!

[Dawr]

Originally Posted by Capp

((Dawr))
I am so sorry you are feeling so badly...

You are not a pathetic human being. You are a worthwhile human being doing the best you can right now.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your grandmother.
It sounds like she was a great source of comfort and support for you. It's understandable that you feel so badly when such a positive force in your life is now gone...
Are you able to see a T for guidance and help working through all of these things...either a private T or a counselor at school?
Grieving drains us of so many things and can blind us to ways of feeling better.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, Dawr.
Sharing is a valid and safe way to get support while you are going through such a rough time.
We care

Cap

I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment, but I've been wanting to for awhile. I feel like everything is a bit overwhelming. I'm scared though to start going because I'm unsure of how i'll be perceived, or who to choose even. I went to one,and he was a nice guy....But he didn't accept my insurance, and couldn't afford to keep going. I'm scared of what my parents will say, if they'll get upset.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by Dawr

I went to one,and he was a nice guy....But he didn't accept my insurance, and couldn't afford to keep going. I'm scared of what my parents will say, if they'll get upset.

Do you think he would be willing to recommend someone who does take your insurance? Or could you get a referral from your GP? I got my Pdoc referral from the hospital--don't recommend that route--but my Pdoc threw out a couple of names when I was looking for a therapist and her top pick was who I went with. Sometimes it just takes asking someone you trust who knows your mental health community. Parents generally are upset when their kids need psych help, but often it's out of love and concern for their kids. It's not easy, but sometimes family comes through in unexpected ways.