[ESKIE78]

This is my intro that I already posted, but I wanted to list it on the depression forum. I don't know what I am supposed to ask or say, but I want to feel better. I cannot even sleep anymore. My husband just keeps telling me "If you would eat better, you will lose weight, which will make you feel better, and evrything will go away." How can I do anything to better myself when I can barely motivate myself enough to get dressed in the morning???

HI, my name is Deb. I am 30 yrs old, married with 2 girls. I just wanted to introduce myself.

Afetr my last daughter was born, I had a lot of pain, and so I could not take care of my kids very well, I guess that is when the depression started. At 24 yrs I had a full hysterectomy, and that is when it got worse. I gained a lot of weight(went from a 5 to a 13) after the surgery, and to this day I hate the way I look. I cannot even be intimate with my husband.

I am on citolopran, but it just does not seem to do much. I feel trapped, my days consist of work, then coming home to help with the kids. Afetr dinner, I just go to my room, or on the computer. I feel guilty for ignoring my family, but I just can't seem to be happy. I don't have good insurance, and no money, so I can't get the help I am sure I need. I have no friends, so I go no where.

I just need help feeling better about myself, I feel like I don't exist, like I am just going through the motions. My husband talks to me like I am 3 and tells me to just get over it. I want to be a good wife and mother, but I don't feel like I can. I have even od on pain pills a couple times.

I am the youngest of 5, and most of my life it was just me and my sis who is 2 yrs older then me. She was classed as so many different things, like manic depressive, bi polar, schizophrenic, they just kept putting her on meds, and a lot of times, I had to go somewhere else cause my parents thought she would hurt me. tThey now know that she has aspergers, and a son that is severly autistic, so my parents spend a lot of their time helping her. I also have a daughter with aspergers, so it makes my days even harder. I just can't talk to my parents(whom I work for) because I should be the normal one, they are too busy taking care of my sis and her son.

I just don't know where to turn, I am afraid my husband will go to someone else if I don't figure things out, and I want my kids to have a mom.

Thanks for listening
Deb

[turquoisesea]

I'm really sorry everything's so hard

One thing I wanted to say, is that you should talk to your hubby about this. people who haven't been depressed often can't really understand it. Explain your best what depression means.
From what I hear, you'll need to set boundaries, because you can't completely rely on him.
You have to find a way to work on getting better. Try to find some hobby other than the computer... I don't know what will work for you.

Do you get enough sunlight in a day?

Also, as far as the exercise is that something your hubby and you could do together? Take a walk every night or something? It's something that could be just you time as well.

just throwing out ideas
*hugs*

[Puffyprue]

((((((((eskie78))))))))))
iam sorry you have a hard time...

[Ascension]

My am sorry that you are having such a hard time. We all here are glad that you decided to share with us. Many of us feel honored when people share such profoundly personal experiences. I would like to say from what I have read, you aren't truly taking the right precautions to make sure you are getting the rest you need. I know that it's hard to find time and ways to recover in today's busy world and especially when your family has so much history with special needs. I would like to say that I am impressed with your resilience. I know you feel exhausted but that because you have so much on your plate. Don't feel bad because you need to take time to recover. The hard thing for many of us to do is to find a small amount of time to relieve ourselves of stress and then when we do we don't really rest. We feel guilty for being tired, we think about what we are going to do in the morning or what we didn't get done that done or week. When you take time to rest make sure you don't worry over what didn't get done or what needs to get, or who is covering for you while you are resting. The other thing is to reach out, which you have done by sharing here. Don't be afraid to tell your family, who should and most likely will understand that you need some time. So don't be so hard on yourself for feeling like you are so worn down. Take good care of yourself, because from the sounds of things your family really needs you.