a week on... trigger?

Well today it is a week since the death of a lad I have worked with for the last 3 years, he was killed ina horrific train accident on his way into work last friday morning.

I don’t know how to explain how I have been feeling this week, it is an entirely new emotion to me but all the same I hate it so much. I guess its a sort of empty feeling, like I’m missing something.

Anyway this week I have done everything in my power to keep my mind busy, to keep myself safe. I’ve so far been to the pub 4 times, been into town, had my cars engine to bits twice, had my guitar to bits, given a guitar lesson and drove 50+ miles all just to pass the time.

I’m sick of this, I so desperately want to feel something, but I know if I go down the same road as I’m fighting to avoide then things will only end up even worse than they already are.

I really feel lost, and don’t really see what this post is going to achieve, guess I just need a good vent.

I’m at college tomorrow and I know his death is going to be a big topic throughout the day, I think I’ll take my sterio and shut off for the day. :-(

Marko

so so sorry wish I could say more

don't run away from your feelings they will always catch up with you. Think about the loss that you have experienced it may hurt but you might remember the good things over the bad. Keep posting especially when you feel like this i find in just one response i can some hope.