Trigger Its been over a week (part 3)Trigger

I have only been back since Christmas.. My so loving partner gets a phone call about being sued for mony.. This started A week ago last Saturday.. He has been torturing me non stop,, day and night belilttiling me making me out to me some sort of ***** and If I don't have sexual relations with him One night in particular night he went on about how I allowed my ex boyfriend (during the time we were broken up) to put his filthy hands all over my body and how I don't touch him any more (which is not true) that I must find him revoltingand then the tears came on and he badgered me until 3:30 the next morning until I finally gave in. I told him how can I feel like making love with him when he belittles me this way, when he makes me feel dirty and disgustion. then he would go on and on some more.. He has even been doing this in front of our children.
As well he is trying to force me to charge my ex with raping me when this is so untrue. He doesn't seem to care if I go to jail for lying on the stand as long as he gets his vegence... He finally calmed down for a couple days.. Then he started in on me about me talking to my daughters father about her.. He said that it is going to start at talking to him about our daughter then it will lead into something more.. Then the next day he started badgering me again when he found out his work accidently put his medical check into the wrong bank account and trying to make me feel even worse for not charging my ex with raping me this went on all day.. The next day he got a warning phone call telling him I was going to take our children and run off with my ex,,, or my daughters father or to a womans shelter..
He was so angry I could see it in his eyes. He told me he wanted met o sell my van so he knew I wasnt going to run off.. He told me I could not use any of his money because he needs to save up and get an apartment.. He completely believed his reliable source...
I myself found myself getting angry due to the badgering and what I felt to be sexually abused in which I talked to a sexual abuse counselor and they said that it was coehersment and that is was..
I snapped I was so afraid of losing my kid from him again.. I cried so hard inwhich my whole week was spent crying but this was worse..
I even grabbed him by the back of the hair and looked right into his eyes and I told him.. I am here .. I am not going anywheres.. I told him in 9 years he has never ever believed in me and he never will..
That my love was only for him.. Finally that night he told me that from his first marriage and his ex friends cheating on him with his women
that he would never trust anyone ever again.. I asked him why he would go into a ready made family (a woman and 2 children) and ruin our lives like this if he could never wholey love us or me. I got no answer. I told him all I ever wanted was to be loved and believed in and that it wasn't fair to me that he would waste 9 years of my life if he knew he could never trust and believe in me.. Am I so wrong?
I can't take this anymore I am too scared to leave knowing he will rip my children from my arms again.. The justice system he knows how to manipulate So the justice system does not work for me.. I need help and don't know where to turn.. and still feel there is no way out...

I've taken the time to read carefully all 3 contributions, and I'm truly saddened and utterly shocked. Phew! have you been to hell. . .it's one of those situations where I feel that anything I say will come across to you as mere, empty words. I so much wish that I could find a way to make you understand how my heart goes out to you, believe me. If you feel that this is not the best place to air your experiences, you can always e-mail me at:
john.ryan4@virgin.net
As to social services or police or other public agencies, you seem to be caught. Rather than continue too long, I'll leave it at this point and give you the biggest hug you've had. Keep in touch here, a lot of folk can empathise with you. Hope to see you continuing using this site. In other words, don't lose contact. o.k.?

Thank you for taking your time to read.. I don't mind airing because I am looking for answers that won't ruin my kids life.. I don't want to see them go through what all the older kids went through...
And his first child

I will keep in touch

I feel for you! You have been through so much and you are so right when you say you don't deserve it. I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, I finally had the nerve to put him in jail after he beat me severly and left me lying in the middle of a street, hurt and bleeding. That was all for looking at a man seated next to me.
I depended on a shelter to help me out and they were a blessing, without their support and understanding I probably would've gone back to him. I had to file a restraining order on him after he got out of jail because he threatened to kill me and my kids if I moved back to WIsconsin. Please get away from the man you live with, do it for your kids and yourself ...you are worth the fight. Don't let him win.
I wish I could give you some advice but I know nothing of Canadian law. Please let the people at the shelter help you, talk to them about your concerns. Don't hide anything from them they have heard it all and worse from others.
I read your poems after I read your posts. I related to the one titled him/her, it was beautiful! Bless you for writing it!!! Good Luck on getting on with your life. I'll be praying for you!!! If you want to talk just email me.
(((((((Cowgirl)))))))

Linda

Thank you all for your support and I am pleased you liked the poem.. It does have a lot of meaning for me.. I lost track on my writing after my other half started using my poetry against me in court so I quit wrting for a very long time.. I am not sure why I have gotten back into it maybe it is my only way to vent

I have many poems @ www.poetry.com (you can look up names first and last and it will show all the poems I have submitted)
Kimberly McQuinn
I am hoping that with me finally being back into writing maybe I might be able to get some of my poetry published..
That would be an awesome break for me..
I will tell the shelter everything I can and with luck this might be a new fresh future for me..
Thank you very much